AITA for not forgiving my dad for leaving me behind in a city?

Some childhood moments fade quietly with time, but others linger, heavy and unresolved, no matter how many years pass. For one woman, a short family trip abroad became a defining memory that still shapes how she sees her father today. What should have been a simple weekend away turned into fear, pain, and silence when her cries for help were dismissed.

Beyond the personal hurt, the story struck a nerve across social media because it touches on something deeply familiar to many readers: children not being believed, pain being minimized, and apologies arriving far too late. As people weighed in, reactions ranged from heartbreak to anger, with many questioning whether forgiveness is something anyone is truly owed, especially when the wound was created during such a vulnerable moment.

AITA for not forgiving my dad for leaving me behind in a city?

Everything started during what was supposed to be a simple family weekend abroad, before pain quietly entered the picture.

Here is what happened when I was 13. I had recently got my first period and was still new to everything. unfortunately my body doesn't like me very much,

so every period is extremely painful to the point I trow up multiple times and feel dizzy almost to the point of fainting. This is important information.

As the day went on, the physical pain escalated while the family continued walking through the city.

So me, my dad and my little brother (8 at the time) were in Italy for the weekend. I got my period to that time but it wasn't that bad...

We were walking in a city just strolling around. After a while I felt really nauseous and the pain started to kick in.

I asked my dad if we could go back to the place we were staying at because I was in a lot of pain. He said it wasn't that bad...

Repeated pleas for help were brushed aside as the pain became harder to hide.

ADVERTISEMENT

I was falling behind, leaning over in pain, asking my dad again and again if we could go home, which he denied. I started crying because it hurt so bad,...

Fear quickly replaced pain when she realized she was completely alone.

After a while I couldn't walk anymore and sat down. I looked around and realised that my brother and dad were nowhere to be seen, which scared me so much...

ADVERTISEMENT

I continued walking, trying to find them while I had to sit down every few steps. this lastet for probably half an hour,

until my sweet little brother came back to get me against our fathers wishes. when I got to the car he was playing games on his phone and ignoring me.

Even after being found, the emotional distance from her father was impossible to ignore.

ADVERTISEMENT

When I got in he asked me if I was done having a tantrum, I couldn't say anything. When we got back home I laid down on the couch

and immodestly fell asleep out of exhaustion and pain. both my stepmom and dad said I was exaggerating and that it was my fault.

Years later, the memory resurfaced during a conversation that reopened old wounds.

ADVERTISEMENT

Now back to the present me and my dad had a talk because I asked him why he did what he did. He said that he thought I was just...

To his defence I was a really annoying child when they took me on walks, always complaining. But like I said I never cried or even acted like I was...

I said that he was cruel for leaving a 13 year old girl alone in a city while in pain, and he said that he never left me, he only...

ADVERTISEMENT

I still find it horrible. He apologised for it, but I couldn't forgive him. Now I feel like I am the AH for not forgiving him after what he did....

At the heart of this situation is a clash between memory, accountability, and emotional repair. From the poster’s perspective, the experience was terrifying and physically overwhelming. Being dismissed while in pain, then realizing she was alone in an unfamiliar city, created a sense of danger that her body and mind still remember years later. For a child, especially one already dealing with confusion around her first period, that moment can easily turn into lasting trauma.

From the father’s side, his explanation hinges on misjudgment. He framed her behavior as exaggeration based on past experiences, believing distance would somehow correct the situation. While intent matters in understanding behavior, it does not erase impact. An apology without fully acknowledging the harm often leaves the injured party feeling unheard, which may explain why forgiveness still feels impossible for her.

ADVERTISEMENT

According to Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, “Trust is built in very small moments, and it can be broken in very small moments as well.” When a caregiver ignores a child’s distress, especially during a medical situation, that trust fracture can persist into adulthood. Repair requires not just saying sorry, but clearly recognizing why the action caused fear and pain.

For situations like this, experts often suggest structured conversations rather than emotionally charged confrontations. Writing out feelings beforehand, using specific language about the impact rather than the intent, and setting boundaries around forgiveness can help. Forgiveness, if it comes at all, should be on the injured person’s timeline. Healing does not require erasing the past, only understanding it well enough to decide what kind of relationship is safe moving forward.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Many users supported the poster, expressing outrage and empathy for what she experienced as a child.

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry_I_Guess − Oh honey. You are absolutely NTA. What your father did was cruel to the point of being abusive.

You were having a medical crisis - even if it wasn't a major one - and he not only dismissed you out of hand, he made you feel scared and...

I don't know how old you are now, or if you are still suffering as described when you have your period, but if you are you need to see a...

ADVERTISEMENT

What you are describing is *not normal* and shouldn't be happening, and can be symptomatic of some very serious issues from endometriosis to dysmenorrhea.

AwkwardInot − NTA. Keep his actions in mind for future reference but try to let it go (for your own sake)(also no need to forgive him).

Hope you eventually got the help you needed, because being in so much pain it prevents you from functioning is not normal. Edited to add a bit

ADVERTISEMENT

MistressLyda − NTA So he did not leave you. Instead, he hid from you, making you think he left you, while still watching you in pain and panic.

magicdiary − He was the AH not you. I’m so sorry that happened to you!

Dittoheadforever − You're NTA and shame on your parents for not getting you to a doctor. That kind of pain is not normal and should have been treated.

ADVERTISEMENT

Others took a more measured approach, asking questions while still leaning in her favor.

MKrid2303 − Ok, so I am mostly with you. I have daughters and couldn't even imagine doing anything like this. Even when they are being annoying and kind of sabotaging...

When going on those walking things did you whine often, stop walking, drag your feet, refuse to go an further, wander off or just sit down? Was this most of...

ADVERTISEMENT

Was it reasonable to think that your dad just thought you were just upping the ante? Just curious about this situation, did Dad know where you were the whole time?

Was the little brother basically sent to retrieve you, with the dad watching over the whole time? For everyone ready to jump down on me, these are very reasonable questions...

ADVERTISEMENT

I still say NTA, because I put myself in Dads shoes, even knowing my daughter is faking I am going to get her (probably even carry her).

Own-Diamond8255 − The same dad who doesn't like video games was playing games on his phone? Something doesn't add up.

Automatic_Map_3884 − NTA he said that he never left me, he only went far away enough so that I couldn't see him If you couldnt see him then he couldnt...

ADVERTISEMENT

He was an adult and as a man could not imaginge how you felt. He had no right to tell you its not hat bad, how could he know that?...

Unable-Ad-6339 − Definitely NTA. Your trauma is valid and you can decide how to process it. There’s no excuse for the way he treated you.

Pretending to leave you is just as bad as leaving you because as far as you knew, you were abandoned. I can’t help but wonder if your father is part...

ADVERTISEMENT

It’s time for the type of man who has no empathy for women to get with the d@mn’d program. Points to your brother.

OneSmolBean − NTA. I would be curious about the type of apology it was. Like did he understand why what he did was wrong? I hope that you are getting...

I always thought strong pain was just part of the package but it turned out to be endometriosis. If you haven't spoken to a doctor about your periods, I would...

ADVERTISEMENT

A few comments added dark humor or blunt takes to cut through the tension.

Maleficent-Bottle674 − NTA. Women are conditioned to be endlessly forgiving, to give men the benefit of the doubt, and to put men’s feelings above their own safety.

You don’t have to forgive a man for cruel actions—especially when they target a child. When you were in pain during your first period, instead of taking it seriously, he...

The reality is women’s and girls’ pain isn’t taken seriously. Men can complain endlessly about a cold, or hold onto childhood r__ection for decades,

yet periods are treated as something women should silently endure. Because of this, serious health conditions—tumors, cysts, diseases—are often ignored or misdiagnosed as “just period pain.”

It’s so ingrained that when the government funded research into endometriosis, a condition where uterine lining cells grow painfully outside the uterus,

the male researchers chose to study not the illness itself, but how “attractive” women with endometriosis appeared based on their pain. 😐

LivelyJuliettex − You are not the AH for not forgiving him for leaving you behind in a city as a child despite the fact that he had apologized because time...

Riker_Omega_Three − When he actually apologizes and admits what he did was a mistake and was cruel, then you can forgive him until then, he hasn't earned it NTA

fancyjulia9 − NTA. You were a kid in pain. Your feelings are valid. Forgiveness is not required.

Jane-Doe202 − NTA. You were 13 and he was, as most men (not all, thankfully) oblivious to your pain. .. He apologized, ok. But it still has an impact. Ask...

If he says no, hit him in the nuts. And tell him you will go for his nuts everytime you are on your period until he talks to female friends,...

This story highlights how a single moment in childhood can echo far into adulthood, especially when pain and fear are dismissed by someone meant to protect. While the father offered an apology, forgiveness is deeply personal and cannot be demanded on a schedule. Many readers felt the emotional wound was never properly acknowledged. In situations like this, understanding, accountability, and patience matter more than quick closure. What do you think, is forgiveness necessary for healing, or can moving forward happen without it?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *