AITA for Turning Down Intimacy After Years of Being Rejected by My Partner?
A 29-year-old guy has been with his 31-year-old partner for almost ten years, and everything clicks perfectly—except their sex life. What started hot and heavy cooled off dramatically on her side about six years ago, leaving him initiating and getting turned down most of the time.
He’s tried everything to spark things up without pressure, but nothing stuck. Now, when she gets in the mood once or twice a month, he’s saying no too, explaining the imbalance kills his desire. She’s calling it selfish spite; he’s saying the status quo just isn’t sustainable. The internet is deeply divided on this classic bedroom standoff.
Things were great at first, but the shift came and stayed.
He linked it to stress initially, but life improved without the spark returning.
Rejection wore him down, and suggestions for medical checks went nowhere.
The turning point came when he started mirroring her rejections.
He clarified some details and his feelings.
Mismatched drives are super common after the honeymoon phase, and resentment builds fast when one feels constantly rejected. His efforts show care, but her dismissal of possible medical causes (like hormones) frustrates many.
That monthly spike sounds suspiciously like ovulation—totally hormonal for some women. Experts like those at the Mayo Clinic note low libido can stem from stress echoes, health shifts, or imbalances worth checking.
The rejection cycle he’s created highlights deeper needs for feeling desired year-round, not just physical release. Flirting or touch without sex could help, but it takes both wanting to bridge the gap. Couples therapy shines here: a neutral spot to unpack entitlement vibes (her pushing when he’s not in the mood) and explore compromises. If she’s content and he’s not, tough choices loom—compatibility matters long-term.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Many backed him fully, pointing out the double standard and emotional toll.
Others suggested medical angles, therapy, or accepting it’s doomed.
![[Reddit User] − NTA. It *is* a turn off and feels s__tty to not be wanted 99% of the time and then 1% of the time have your partner say...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/wp-editor-1767751332309-8.webp)
A few called out the cycle or pushed for compromise.
![[Reddit User] − NTA I agree the one or 2 times a month doesn’t make up for the rest of time. I would prefer not to do it either if...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/wp-editor-1767751312210-6.webp)
![[Reddit User] − She says I m being selfish and I m tearing our relationship apart Seems obvious, but have you explained that having s__ once a month is tearing...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/wp-editor-1767751314011-8.webp)
This couple’s stuck in a painful loop where both feel rejected on their terms, but the core issue—unaddressed low drive versus needing more frequency—needs real talk or professional help. Many see his move as a wake-up call, others as escalating resentment. Ever navigated a big mismatch like this? Would you push for checks and counseling, or call it incompatible?
