AITA for telling my parents it’s not my job to provide for my siblings when they cannot?

A young woman walked away from a tough family dynamic where her parents treated her far differently from her younger siblings. Now, when money gets tight, her parents expect her to step in and fund the lavish gifts they’ve promised the kids. She pushed back hard, repeating the exact words they once used on her—and the fallout has everyone talking.

This kind of story hits close to home for so many people who grew up feeling like the “forgotten” older kid. The online community exploded with reactions, from outright support to sarcastic clapbacks, all weighing in on favoritism, responsibility, and a little sweet karma.

AITA for telling my parents it's not my job to provide for my siblings when they cannot?

The trouble started years ago when the poster noticed her parents spoiling her younger siblings rotten while keeping things super basic for her.

I (20f) am the oldest of four and I do not live with my parents anymore. Our relationship is not good either. One of the biggest reasons is my parents...

My siblings are 16, 14, and 11 so four years between me and their next kid. I know it's a bigger gap than say two years but it's not huge...

For me, gifts were needs and not wants and I was told I should be appreciative of having food in my belly, a roof over my head and clothes on...

I didn't need a doll, I didn't need art supplies, I didn't need a toy kitchen. They never ever said that to my siblings. They would get dolls, action figures,...

They also got cell phones and tablets when they got older. I normally got clothes. Sometimes I would get cheap ass basic hygiene products (body wash and stuff).

My parents made it a huge point to nip it in the bud when I was upset with my underwhelming gifts. Especially when my siblings came along. They told me...

The resentment built up over time, especially with her siblings acting entitled toward her.

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I do resent it. Yeah, I had all the basics, but my siblings had so much more than that. My siblings are also very spoiled and entitled because of it.

My sister (16) used to bug me and get frustrated with me for not having nice stuff she could borrow. She asked me once what was the point in having...

I told her it wasn't my fault our parents didn't buy me nice s__t like her. She laughed and told me that's what being the oldest means.

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My brothers would tell me to buy them stuff and say they got pocket money so I did too (I never got pocket money). When I explained that I didn't...

After moving out and building her own life, the parents hit a financial rough patch and turned to her for help.

I moved out of my parents house and in with my aunts. I stayed with them for several months when I started college and now I share an apartment with...

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My parents have fallen on hard times now and right before Christmas. They told me they didn't have the money to get my siblings what they want for Christma

and told me I needed to let them borrow money or buy the gifts on their behalf and they would pay me back. I told them it's not my job...

They argued that my siblings would be disappointed to get nothing from their wish lists. I told them they don't need nice gifts,

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they only need clothes and food and a roof over their heads and they have all that.. My parents said I'm a terrible big sister.. AITA?

Favoritism in families can leave lasting scars, especially when one child consistently gets the short end while others are showered with extras. The poster clearly feels that unequal treatment, and now her parents want her to pick up the slack without addressing the past.

From the other side, parents sometimes change their approach with later kids—maybe they’re more financially stable or just more relaxed—but that doesn’t make it fair. It often leaves the oldest carrying resentment, feeling like they were the “test run.”

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Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, has pointed out that perceived favoritism erodes trust in families. In one of his studies, he noted, “When children feel that parents are unfair, it can lead to long-term emotional distance and conflict.”

The smart move here? Parents could own up to the differences, explain without excusing, and set realistic expectations now. For the young woman, keeping firm boundaries makes total sense—she’s building her own life and isn’t obligated to fund habits that hurt her growing up. Open talks about money and feelings could help, but only if everyone’s willing to listen.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Plenty of users jumped in to back the poster completely, cheering her for standing her ground and not enabling the same old patterns.

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IAmMikki − NTA and I mean a HUGE NTA. First and foremost, it is not your responsibility to provide for your siblings, as you said, they have everything they need...

It's your parents fault for raising yours siblings in a way that they will be unhappy if they don't get things from their wishlist. Not that gift giving should be...

it's not like you'll be getting any of the credit either. If they're only able to get a couple of gifts they want, you're not going to get any credit...

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In fact, your parents are already using this as a way to guilt trip you, so if someone complains, I have no doubt they'd use you as a s__pegoat.

YouthNAsia63 − Awwwww, your siblings might be *disappointed* to not get nice gifts at Christmas. :( Hey, they have food in their belly

and a roof over their head and clothes on their back! That’s good enough, right? *RIGHT? * Cause it sure as hell was good enough-for *you*. NTA

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HUNGWHITEBOI25 − YOU, my young friend are not only NTA but you are also a GENIUS for throwing that stupid retort they always made back in their faces.

Oh you just KNOW they hated hearing it. Naw you did absolutely nothing wrong, you held a mirror up to their bad parenting and they didn’t like it. Don’t give...

KaleidoscopicColours − NTA. They're reaping what they've sown, and they need to live within their means - and that includes Christmas presents.

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You're 20, don't have much spare cash, and it's not your responsibility. Buy your siblings the Christmas presents you'd normally get them, and let your parents sort out everything else.

Oscman7 − Info: are you the oldest of four? You listed 4 different ages for your siblings. EDIT OP is being treated like Harry Potter. I don't know why OP's...

It's almost like she's not even part of the family. OP does not live with her parents nor does she depend on them. Therefore, OP owes them absolutely nothing. NTA

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Some comments took a more balanced view, recognizing the parents’ tough spot while still siding with the poster’s right to say no.

[Reddit User] − NTA. People with kids need to raise their kids and not wait for their older children to do it for them while they sit back and take...

As second born in a very large family, I'll stand on that one. "Your lack of wherewithal is unfortunate for all of us right now mom and dad - not...

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Its enough to make me never want kids because I never had anyone model appropriate parental behavior and no one in this family seems to remember I TOO AM YOUR...

WTH? ITS CHRISTMAS FOR ME TOO! WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MIND THAT YOU CAN'T SEE THAT? "

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This right here is enough to make a grownup want to run away from home dammit. grrrrrrrrrrrrr, So sorry OP. This would really upset me too.

Very-truly-up-yours − NTA. Sing it with me now: *You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. But...

Different-Airline672 − NTA. You aren't responsible for your siblings presents, especially not considering the way your family treats you. Spoiling all but one sibling means your parents are TAs.

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I mean, it would be nice to get them a little something like maybe dollar tree picture frames with a your parents favourite proverbs printed on reused paper. But only...

KogiAikenka − NTA. Ok my opinion might be extreme but even if your parents treated you fairly, they have no rights to demand that you give money for the young...

It’s not your responsibility. And what do they get you? Close relationships are a two way street. Don’t feel bad, I’m glad you are doing well.

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[Reddit User] − Incidentally when I was younger and supporting myself through school I never had money to loan people. "I'm sorry. I don't have it. I just paid for...

A few lighter takes helped ease the tension, pointing out the irony without going overboard.

justmeandmycoop − No, it’s time your siblings had a taste. My younger siblings also got everything. Do this for all of us.

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Gloomy_Object_3757 − NTA karma in its finest form . I’m sorry you were treated that way . I have 4 kids my eldest is 9 years older than the next...

I spend exactly the same on all 4 and make sure to get what they want, within reason . They are all treated exactly the same . The fact that...

Scragglymonk − NTA reads like they are getting the basics from now on, but they have food, clothing and are in a house karma is a b__ch sometimes, now the...

C_Majuscula − NTA. You don't owe them anything. If your parents want to continue to treat your younger siblings differently, they can get part-time seasonal jobs to do it.

EbonyDoe − NTA their kids arent your problem. It won't k__l the kids to deal with a cheaper xmas for once.

This situation shows how old family patterns can bubble up years later, especially around money and holidays. The young woman set a clear boundary, and while her parents aren’t happy, many agree she did the right thing for herself. Would you step in to help with the gifts, or hold the line like she did? What’s your take on handling favoritism from the past?

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