AITAH if I tell my “fiancé” I need a ring to feel engaged?

A 22-year-old woman has been with her 30-year-old boyfriend for three years. Every year, they hit up their local rodeo, and this time, on the walk back to the car, he popped the question—while drunk.

She admits it was nothing like the romantic proposal she’d always imagined, especially with no ring in sight. That morning, he’d mentioned planning to propose but skipped the ring because he knows she’s picky. They’d even discussed her dream proposal before, and she’d suggested looking at rings to give him ideas.

‘AITAH if I tell my “fiancé” I need a ring to feel engaged?’

The full post starts with her describing the proposal:

She wraps up wondering how to approach him:

This situation goes way beyond just wanting a shiny ring—it’s about enthusiasm, commitment, and whether both partners are truly on the same page. At 22, she’s excited to share the news, but the lack of follow-through from her 30-year-old partner is leaving her doubting his intentions. A drunk, ringless proposal followed by hesitation and avoidance screams ambivalence.

On the flip side, some might argue he’s just practical—waiting for the right ring within budget, or maybe overwhelmed by the idea. But actions speak louder. Three weeks in, with barely a mention after a trip apart? That’s not the behavior of someone thrilled to start the next chapter.

Relationship therapist Esther Perel often points out that true commitment shows in effort and presence, not just words. As one expert noted in a similar discussion, “If he wanted to, he would” captures it perfectly—excitement drives action, not excuses (source: various relationship columns drawing from Perel’s work on desire and commitment).

Real talk advice: Have an honest sit-down. Say something like, “This engagement doesn’t feel real to me without a ring and your enthusiasm. I need to know if you’re truly ready.” Watch his response closely. If he steps up quickly—great. If more delays or defensiveness, it might be time to reconsider. The age gap (he was 27, she 19 when they started) raises flags too; patterns of avoidance now could foreshadow bigger issues later. Prioritize someone who matches your energy.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Online, the overwhelming vibe was concern—most people urged her to pump the brakes hard, pointing to red flags everywhere.

Pretty much everyone zeroed in on the drunk proposal, lack of ring, and his avoidance as signs he doesn’t actually want to get married:

Many flat-out told her to run, emphasizing her young age and the massive age gap:

Others shared personal stories or hammered the age difference as the root problem:

At the end of the day, she’s left questioning if this “engagement” is even real, while the internet screams for her to protect her future. The signs point to mismatched commitment levels—and some deeper concerns.

Would you stick around for someone who proposes drunk and then drags their feet on making it official? Or take it as a sign to walk? Sound off below—what’s your take?