I left my family after finding out my kids knew their mom was cheating on me.

Discovering a spouse’s infidelity shatters trust in devastating ways. One man faced an even deeper wound when he learned his own children had known about the affair but stayed silent.

Betrayal from a partner hurts profoundly. Silence from kids adds layers of confusion and pain. This heartbreak leads to impulsive decisions that ripple through the family. Questions linger about responsibility, forgiveness, and the right path forward for everyone involved.

‘I left my family after finding out my kids knew their mom was cheating on me.’

The shocking discovery changes everything for the father.

I recently discovered that my wife was cheating on me, and to my surprise, my kids already knew about it but didn't tell me. Feeling hurt and betrayed, I made...

Doubt creeps in as he reflects on the fallout.

But thinking back, I wonder if I was in the wrong. Did I overreact by leaving, especially considering my children were caught in the middle?

I feel justified in my response to the infidelity, but I'm starting to question if I handled the situation poorly by not staying to work things out for the sake...

The crisis explodes from marital infidelity compounded by children’s secrecy. The father experiences compounded betrayal. He responds by withdrawing from the entire family unit. Regret emerges over potential abandonment of innocent kids.

Children face impossible choices in parental conflicts. Fear of family breakdown often silences them. The wife’s actions create the dilemma. Directing anger toward kids risks permanent damage to parent-child bonds.

Child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham has observed that “Children in high-conflict divorces need reassurance that both parents’ love remains unconditional, regardless of adult issues.” (From Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, 2012). This underscores how secrecy stems from self-protection, not disloyalty. Blaming kids deepens trauma.

Prioritize individual therapy to process emotions. Initiate calm contact with children to understand their perspective. Consider family counseling focused on rebuilding trust. Separate marital consequences from parental roles. Consistent presence and empathy guide long-term healing for everyone.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Online responses showed strong concern for the children’s position, with most urging reconciliation with the kids while supporting leaving the wife.

Many emphasized the impossible spot the children faced and criticized abandoning them.

foodrebel − Step 1: Ask your kids why they didn’t say anything. Odds are, they were terrified that your family would be torn apart if they told you (and they...

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On the off chance they maliciously and knowingly withheld the information from you out of genuine hate, I’d follow up on that. If you had happy and loving relationships with...

If you didn’t, then reverse the odds of the above scenario. Bottom line: NTA for leaving your wife. Potentially the a__hole if you abandoned children who truly love you.

Good_Display_3972 − Kids often dont say anything because they are simply terrified their family will fall apart. For us it may be logical its better to separate, but not for...

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I remember when i was between 6-8 yo, i knew my father was cheating on my mother ( although i shouldnt have, but that's a different thing) and that it...

but still i was crying at night because i didnt want them to separate, although few years later i totally understood why they should have divorced. Dont punish your children...

maroongrad − The kids had no winning move, and it's 100% the mom's fault. They didn't want to be the ones to blow up their family. They hold no fault...

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Go to therapy with them and find out what they were thinking. If you think they WANTED their mom to cheat and WANTED you to be cheated on, you're not...

ijustlikebeingnosy − NTA for leaving a cheating wife, but YTA for abandoning your children. You can’t hold the children accountable. You don’t know what they were told or how bad...

Gullible_Share596 − You cannot expect teenagers to know how to handle adult situations. They were probably scared, upset, and anxious. They were traumatized by their mother cheating and now you...

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Beneficial-Voice-878 − How could you leave your kids? You as a parent are their world. You have hurt them more than you were hurt. Reach out to them before things...

Perplexio76 − Your kids were put in the unenviable position of lying for their mother. Her cheating was her lie and secret-- not your kids.

If anything that should compound the feelings of anger towards your ex-wife, for putting your kids in THAT position. Your kids deserve your empathy, not your anger. They should never...

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Babydeer41 − As a child of Parents who both had affairs… I knew and didn’t say anything to either of them. I just wanted to keep the peace.

It was a completely dysfunctional situation and in no way is a child responsible for ratting out another parent. Or taking sides or anything of the sort. Kids are powerless...

Mjukplister − Oh honey DONT blame the kids . What a s__t show for them . How old are they ? I’m assuming late teens early 20 ? But this...

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KittenAndTheQuil − I would try to reconcile with my children if I were you. They're just kids. Unless they said "I'm glad mom cheated on you. " I would forgive...

Hell, I saw another story where the daughter told her mom and the parents teamed up and kicked the daughter out. They are just kids. It might have made sense...

They may have thought if they said something and you divorced it would be their fault (they may falsely think any hurt that comes from you knowing would be their...

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Also, Imagine being 16 and asking your dumb 15/16 year old friend at school what you should do. A lot of i__ot kids would tell your kid they can't tell...

A few offered balanced or differing judgments, seeking more details.

PassionatePairFansly − How old were the kids when they knew?

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Candid-Quail-9927 − Did you talk to your children or simply left. Also staying for the children never works well.

Actual-Offer-127 − Do your kids try and contact you? Did they give you a reason for not telling you?

Top_Airport6285 − Nah man, you're not an a__hole. I see your kids were 15 and 18. They know what they did. You should hear them out at some point, but...

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AnyBioMedGeek − ESH. It is absolutely not okay of to put children in that sort of situation so your wife is a big time AH for cheating and putting the...

But it is also not okay to resent or blame children for not knowing how to respond in an impossible situation where they’re afraid of breaking their family apart, hurting...

This painful revelation exposes raw vulnerabilities in family trust. Infidelity destroys partnerships. Children’s silence often protects fragile stability rather than endorses wrongdoing. Directing hurt toward kids risks irreversible loss.

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Separation from a cheating spouse makes sense. Maintaining parental bonds offers stability amid chaos. Open, non-judgmental talks pave paths to understanding. Would you stay connected to children after discovering their silence? How can parents best support kids through betrayal?

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