I gave my two of my kids up for adoption

How far would you go to protect your family’s well-being when caring for severely disabled children pushes you to the breaking point? One father reached his limit after years of exhaustive solo caregiving and made a choice that divided his relatives.

His decision to place two older children in a professional care home drew sharp criticism, including from an ex-wife who had long abandoned them. Later updates, however, painted a picture of reflection, legal resolution, and renewed family bonds that surprised many.

‘I gave my two of my kids up for adoption’

The father begins by detailing his family background and the immense challenges he faced.

I (45M) have 3 kids, 2 with my ex Maggie (43F) and 1 with my wife Lilly (44F). The kids I have with Maggie, Fred (13M) and Stella (10F), are...

Fred cannot walk or even hold items. Stella cannot walk, talk, hold items, or chew on her own food. Both need diaper changing and many other things.

My ex Maggie left me and the kids for another man when Stella was 1 and cut all contact with me and most of my family. I tried to take...

I met my now wife, Lilly, when Fred was 6 and Stella was 3. We got married and a few years later she had my second son, Todd (2M). Lilly...

I could not take care of them any longer. I cannot financially support them and I do not love them like they are my kids. I barely get to spend...

and this has affected my relationship with Fred and Stella to the point where I try to ignore their cries — but I wasn’t able to. I put them into...

But my family has shamed me and some have cut contact with me. I tried to explain my reasons, but they will not listen. Now Maggie is getting involved after...

I do not know how to handle this, and she has threatened to take me to court over this. I do not regret my actions, nor do I feel sorry...

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He follows up with explanations about his emotional struggles and efforts.

Edit:  All the names used in this are not their real names.

Edit 2: I want to clarify some things. When I say I do not love them, I meant I found it hard to love them and connect with them. I...

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But they showed zero emotion toward me. When Fred did respond, it was usually just a grumble. Stella is non-verbal. It’s not like they were brainless zombies, but they never...

When my wife or my parents talked to them, they would show some emotion and even smile at times. It was like they didn’t know who I was. I want...

I put them into a home where they could be adopted but also receive the care they needed. For people saying I just want a healthy child and not the...

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They showed more interest in cartoons than in me. I missed a lot of milestones with Todd because of his older siblings — I missed his first steps, first word,...

Subsequent updates reveal significant changes and personal growth.

Edit 3 – Update: I wanted to give an update about Stella and Fred and also thank everybody for the comments. Maggie took Fred and Stella in but ended up...

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She was not able to handle it either. For those saying I chose to bring Fred and Stella into this world — I did not. Maggie baby-trapped me with Fred...

She would spend 80% of my paycheck on going out and partying, leaving me to care for Fred and Stella with the remaining 20%. I do go and see them...

I found it extremely hard to care for them, but I do love them. Fred and Stella are starting to show more emotion toward me (in a good way). I...

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For those asking why I had Todd if Fred and Stella were so disabled — it wasn’t me with the problems. Maggie had another child with the man she left...

EDIT 4 – FINAL UPDATE: Hey everybody, I just wanted to give some final updates on Fred and Stella. I sued Maggie for child support and won. Fred and Stella...

I take them out every weekend and bring them places. Last weekend was Stella’s 11th birthday, so I took her and her brothers to the cinema. They also stay with...

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Todd loves spending time with them and watching cartoons together. I visit them on weekdays too and bring gifts and other things for them.

Reading back on this post makes me realize how much of an AH I sounded like — I would be commenting YTA on this post myself.

I can’t wait for this weekend. Me, Lilly, Fred, Stella, and Todd are going to the zoo. Thank you to everybody for making me realize how much of a jerk...

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The central issue stems from overwhelming caregiver responsibilities for two severely disabled children, compounded by abandonment from their mother and limited emotional feedback. Burnout drove detachment and the facility placement, while family reactions highlighted clashing views on parental duty.

The father experienced profound exhaustion, financial pressure, and difficulty bonding due to minimal reciprocity. Family members emphasized lifelong commitment, ignoring his declining health. Lack of open dialogue escalated judgments on all sides.

Psychologist Cindy Ariel, PhD, who works with families of special-needs children, encourages parents to “take little breaks such as when their child is in a therapy session or in school.” (Child Mind Institute) This approach fits here—structured relief and support could have eased isolation and fostered understanding earlier.

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Effective paths include arranging regular respite care for recharge time. Prioritize short daily self-care routines like walks or hobbies. Consult a therapist specializing in caregiver stress to process guilt and rebuild connections. Gradual family involvement in visits can mend relationships through shared positive experiences.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The social media thread sparked intense debate, with users split on the ethics of placing severely disabled children in care versus enduring personal sacrifice.

Several commenters supported the practical realities of full-time caregiving for high-needs children.

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Jbeth74 − I worked at a facility with group homes and on-site living with 24 hour staff for people with developmental disabilities. We had people like your children as well...

9 out of 10 times we were able to provide better care then the families could for the simple reason that we got time off.

Caring for not just one but two individuals with extensive needs, who don’t interact with you in a meaningful way, who will just be more work as they age…. (dealing...

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You can love them to the moon and back and still not be able to provide the care they need. If your family thinks this is such a bad idea...

kirstlee − Nta. Not everyone is able to care for such disabled children. You did what is best for them. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, maybe they can care...

ellhulto66445 − Don't listen to only me, my view of this might be flawed and I do not know the laws in your place of residence. She voluntarily cut contact...

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This means she had no right to complain when you decided to stop being their parent. As I wrote, I don't know how this works legally and I recommend researching...

StaticCloud − Children with that degree of disability need 24/7 care for the rest of their lives. That's too much to ask for any one human being. Even two.

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You put your children in a position where they would receive the best care you could get them. If the family has an issue with it, should they not volunteer...

endoire − NTA - if any of your family says otherwise, they can adopt the kids themselves.

PepsiMax0807 − NTA People who say othervice, needs to experience having to full time take care of kids with special needs. It is hard work, and it is ok to...

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Dry_Ask5493 − Sometimes the best place for our family is not with us.

A portion harshly condemned the initial detachment and statements about love.

Lola-the-showgirl − I know I'm going to be downvoted but idc. YTA. Not for realizing you can't care for your kids or for putting them in a home. But for...

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"Thank you for understanding! But I wish to no longer see the kids. I do hope the best for them but I do not love them as my own any...

" How the f__k can you love and raise these children for years, only to toss them aside and never visit them. To say you have no love in your...

What the f__k? That's not just cruel, that's evil. If Todd is in an accident and becomes disabled, are you going to stop loving him too?

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How can you even call yourself a parent thinking lkle this? I genuinely do not understand how anyone can read this man's comments and think he's not the a__hole here.

He didn't just realize he couldn't care for his kids and surrender them to give them a better chance at life, he dumped them and left without giving them a...

People here would be tearing him to shreds if he did that to a f__king dog, but yeah disabled kids? Who cares? Not like they loved you, not like you...

sevencostanza − You lost me at, "I don't love them as my own. " Sure, get them in a care facility, but they're still your kids. YTA, bub

Others raised questions or provided nuanced perspectives on legality and burnout.

mocena − This is all very confusing. How do you lose a case for child support against a parent? How could your ex wife take you to court for putting...

[Reddit User] − Yeah, this seems fake. I’m a social worker who specialized in people with disabilities and their families. Putting kids in “a home” isn’t the same as giving...

OP listed their symptoms, but what is their disability? What country do you live in where you don’t get any assistance?

psrandom − I tired to take her to court for child support but I lost. How?

LearnsFromExperience − I do not know how to handle this and she has threatened to take me to court over this. And exactly what is she going to argue?

That you wouldn't allow her to properly abandon them and wash her hands completely, so she could leave you to pay for their care by yourself for the rest of...

AffectionateRicecake − I don’t think it’s as much as you don’t love them anymore as being caregiver burnout. And that can make you feel all kinds of ways. Nothing wrong...

I get that.But as someone who was a caregiver to someone in my family for years I can’t say I understand the not loving them anymore. But I get burnout.

Public-Reach-8505 − You need to stop having children.

This account underscores the hidden toll of long-term caregiving for severely disabled children and how burnout can distort emotions temporarily. Professional support combined with personal involvement proved key to restoring balance and affection.

It shows that admitting limits and seeking better care options can ultimately strengthen family ties. Community input played a vital role in prompting self-reflection and positive change. How would you handle overwhelming caregiving demands without external help? Is placing children in specialized facilities ever the most loving choice, or always a failure of duty?

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