AITAH for refusing to help my parents support the bunch of kids they took in?
What happens when your parents turn your childhood home into a revolving door for other people’s children — and then expect you to help pay for it all? At 17, many teens are focused on school, part-time jobs, and planning their future.
One young man has spent years watching his parents take in more and more kids without proper support, while struggling to keep food on the table and jobs steady. When they discovered money his grandparents secretly send him, they demanded he use it to help the “family.” His angry refusal has them calling him selfish — but is he really the one in the wrong?
‘AITAH for refusing to help my parents support the bunch of kids they took in?’
The family situation has been unstable for years, with financial troubles and repeated additions to the household.
The current pressure came after the parents discovered the hidden financial support.
This situation involves a pattern of parental neglect and parentification, where a minor is pressured to financially support a household that continues to expand beyond its means. The parents’ repeated decision to take in children without stable income, housing, or external support has created an unstable environment for everyone, including the biological son. The private arrangements raise questions about legality and child welfare, especially with no child support or oversight.
The 17-year-old’s anger is understandable: he didn’t choose this responsibility, yet he’s being guilt-tripped into subsidizing it. His grandparents’ secret support shows they recognize the instability, and his part-time job plus savings reflect a mature effort to secure his future. The guilt over the other children’s innocence is natural, but it doesn’t make the burden his to carry.
Child welfare expert Dr. Richard A. Gardner noted that “parentification — forcing children to assume adult responsibilities — can cause long-term emotional harm” (The Parental Alienation Syndrome, 1998). Here, the parents shift accountability while dismissing CPS concerns with lies, which compounds the neglect.
Practical steps: The teen should continue saving privately (consider a separate bank account if possible), gather important documents (birth certificate, ID), and speak confidentially to a school counselor about the home situation. At 18, moving to grandparents or independent living is feasible. Reporting to CPS again (anonymously if needed) could protect the younger children without direct involvement. Boundaries aren’t selfish — they’re survival.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Social media responses were overwhelmingly supportive, labeling the parents’ actions as neglectful and manipulative. Readers urged the poster to prioritize his own escape and safety, with many suggesting CPS involvement and plans to leave at 18.
Most commenters strongly agreed he was NTA, emphasizing that he bears no responsibility for his parents’ choices:
Others focused on the questionable nature of the private placements and urged reporting:
This experience highlights the heavy toll of growing up in a household where parents prioritize appearances of generosity over basic stability and care. The young man’s refusal to finance his parents’ ongoing choices shows healthy self-protection — not selfishness. The other children’s innocence is heartbreaking, but the responsibility lies with the adults who brought them in, not a teenager trying to survive.
The bigger lesson is that boundaries matter, especially when resources are limited and neglect is present. Planning for independence, seeking trusted adults, and protecting one’s future are acts of strength. If your parents expected you to help support extra kids they took in while struggling themselves, would you feel obligated, or would you focus on getting out? How do you decide where family duty ends and self-preservation begins?
