AITA for telling my parents they’re why I’m unathletic and don’t have any friends?

Growing up awkward is hard enough, but being criticized for it by your own parents can sting in a whole different way. One 14-year-old freshman says he’s spent years struggling to make friends and feeling out of place, all while his parents openly compare him to their own popular pasts. According to him, their disappointment hasn’t been subtle.

The tension finally boiled over when he told them he believes they’re partly responsible for the very traits they now criticize. After sharing his reasoning on social media, the response was immediate and deeply divided. Some readers saw a kid naming real childhood hurt, while others felt he was leaning too hard on blame instead of growth. The reactions reveal just how split people are when it comes to nature, nurture, and responsibility.

AITA for telling my parents they’re why I’m unathletic and don’t have any friends?

The frustration has been building for years as OP navigates school feeling increasingly isolated…

I’m 14m and a freshman in high school. Since elementary school, through middle school, and now in high school, I’ve been struggling to socialize and make friends.

This is something my parents criticize me a lot for. They were both popular/well liked in school and college,

and complain that I’m always at home, never go out with friends, etc and say it’s unhealthy. They also criticize the fact that I’m unathletic, skinny, etc.

OP believes the roots of these struggles trace back to early childhood decisions…

I think my struggle to connect with others and make friends and my lack of athleticism are, in large part, because of them. Here’s why: growing up, I lived in...

and so the only interaction I had with kids my own age was a) school and b) extracurricular activities that I was involved in such as soccer, taekwondo, and Boy...

Those few outlets were eventually taken away, despite his protests…

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When I was 5 or 6, I participated in these activities, but my parents removed me from all of them: soccer because they felt I wasn’t good at soccer and...

and Boy Scouts because it was really time consuming for them to have to drive me to stuff. In each case, I told them I really wanted to continue, and...

OP connects those choices directly to where he finds himself today…

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As a result, I no longer had any interaction with kids my age outside of school, so of course I wouldn’t learn how to make friends or connect with people.

Same goes for being unathletic— everything I was involved in was something physical, and they took me out of it.

When he finally voiced this to his parents, they shut it down completely…

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I told them this, and they said it’s illogical to blame my current situation for something that happened almost 10 years ago.

I don’t think so, because being deprived of social connection and being told you’re embarrassing at a sport in early childhood is obviously going to have an impact.. AITA?

This situation sits at the uncomfortable intersection of childhood influence and personal accountability. Developmental psychologists widely agree that early experiences shape confidence, social comfort, and willingness to try new things. Being pulled out of group activities at a young age—especially for reasons tied to embarrassment—can leave lasting emotional impressions.

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Dr. Karen Young, a child psychologist and founder of Hey Sigmund, has noted that “children learn who they are through the messages they receive from the people who matter most.” When kids internalize criticism early, it can quietly shape how they approach peers, challenges, and failure later on.

At the same time, adolescence marks a turning point. While parents influence the starting conditions, teenagers gradually gain more control over how they respond to those foundations. Some commenters pushed back hard, arguing that school environments alone offer enough opportunity to build friendships, and that staying stuck in resentment can become its own barrier.

A balanced path forward likely involves both validation and action. Acknowledging that childhood choices hurt doesn’t mean staying trapped by them. Practical steps—joining clubs, low-pressure activities, or even solo sports—can rebuild confidence at a manageable pace. The key is separating explanation from excuse, allowing space for growth without dismissing past harm.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Many users sided with OP, pointing out the long-term effects of early restrictions…

Plus_Mammoth_3074 − These comments are insane. Op’s parents have been preventing him grom developing social skills since he was a child and all they’ve done is criticize him over it....

[Reddit User] − soccer because they felt I wasn’t good at soccer and so it was ‘embarrassing’, taekwondo because I was getting into conflicts with other kids,

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and Boy Scouts because it was really time consuming for them to have to drive me to stuff. NTA.

They made a bad decision to take you out of soccer for not being "good enough" (you're a kid, you're not supposed to be good at anything/everything),

but I don't blame their choices for the other two. Don't blame them for what happened years ago, OP. This is your life. You have to get over those experiences...

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It may look like your parents are holding you back, but really reflect and check what you can do in the scope that they *do* allow.

unsafeideas − NTA but your issues have zero to doo with extracurricular sports. Kids who don't have them still have friends. And kids who do go there still frequently don't...

As in, whatever makes you not fit in a school would block your friendship abilities in soccer. And not being good at whatever sport you are doing makes you outsider...

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franticpanicx − NTA but you can’t blame your parents. If you never try, nothing is going to change. As someone who grew up very shy, that didn’t stop me from...

You will eventually meet people if you’re putting yourself out there. It’s not easy, but it only gets harder the older you get.

RogerPenroseSmiles − Skinny, and want to play sports? Try cross country/running. You mentioned cut sports, so running is the easiest one to get good at solo, not requiring someone to...

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You can take up running this year, and with a years dedication you should be able to make a junior varsity squad at least. There's tons of Couch to 5k,...

Toss in some headphones, and hit the trails/sidewalks/paths in your area. NTA, maybe if you make a team you can grow your friends/social skills.

Others took a tougher stance, urging accountability and self-reflection…

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DaxxyDreams − Yta. I’ve read your comments. All you do is blame your parents or say “BUT” to everything that even sounds remotely like effort.

People have offered you a lot of good advice, yet you are constantly negative. Look kid, children around the world for thousands of years have grown up without extracurricular activities...

You don’t have an excuse as you have been in school for years and years. School is THE place where you make friends.

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If other kids are avoiding you or rejecting your attempts at friendship, then you need to start reflecting hard on why and figure out what it is about you that...

Are you equally as negative at school as you are on this post? That’s a start right there. No one likes negative, bitter people. Also, stop making excuses and just...

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Have you failed all these years in PE? Has not one PE teacher ever sufficiently taught you a sport? Sports aren’t the only answer, either.

Schools have special interest classes and clubs. Join one - or ten. But stop making excuses and blaming other people.

Cent1234 − YTA. Your choices are yours. You can go be athletic now. You can go make friends now. But boy, blaming on them sure is easier, right?

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[Reddit User] − YTA and nip this whole “blaming mom and dad for all my problems” crap in the bud now before it starts to become your personality.

ESur-25 − . .. all my friends were made at school. Sounds like you want someone to blame rather than looking inwards.

Airborne_Stingray − YTA, sort yourself out. If you're already playing victim and blaming your parents at 14 you're cooked to be honest. Blaming your parents for having no friends and...

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A few commenters struck a softer, more reflective tone…

mifflewhat − Walk away from the self-pity and start putting in the effort to make yourself be who you want & make your life be what you want it to...

There is never going to be a moment in your life when the other people in your life give you everything you need to succeed.

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If you do amazing things in this world it will be because *you yourself* made the effort, and that includes overcoming obstacles.

If you don't, you will be just another one of those people who spends an entire life talking about how it's your parents/spouse/employer/kids fault you don't have a good job

and don't have friends and don't have money and aren't this and don't do that. NAH, this is part of growing up.

aemondstareye − the only interaction I had with kids my own age was a) school and b) extracurricular activities that I was involved in such as soccer, taekwondo, and Boy...

Yeah. This is normal. And extremely common. INFO: Did they ever enroll you—or offer to enroll you—in *anything* else?

Squinky75 − I wouldn't say you are an AH but you are really reaching for someone to blame.

That_Possible_3217 − 🤣🤣 yes tell me more of how your parents ruined your life at. ...checks notes. ...14 lol Just a random thought,

but you all that time during school you get to socialize. ...maybe try socializing. ...and don't go blaming being unathletic, umm chess and MtG are still a thing right?

! Edit- forgot judgment, ehhh if you were older I'd say YTA for being short sided and blaming your parents. That said NAH, you're just 14.

Second EDIT I JUST WANT TO ADD, OP don't listen to anyone hating on you. As others have said no one at 14 is a master at socializing. Don't beat...

minetf − Could you not just hang out with kids at a park? And can't you join a sports team now if you want to? Maybe those are expectations for...

but as the child of a lower income family I only started ECs in middle school and even then only things that were free through school and met on campus....

This debate highlights how differently people view the weight of childhood experiences. Some see early parental decisions as shaping forces that echo for years, while others believe growth begins the moment responsibility shifts inward. OP’s feelings clearly come from real hurt, but the path forward may depend on balancing honesty about the past with courage in the present. Is it fair to expect a teenager to simply move on—or does acknowledging early mistakes matter more than people admit?

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