AITAH for not seeing my kid and still doing the things I had planned for summer break after he decided to visit my mom and not me?

Cutting off a parent is never a decision people make lightly, especially when children are involved. For one father, going no-contact with his mother came after repeated boundary violations and cruel attacks on his wife and children. He believed the distance was necessary to protect his family and restore some peace.

But the situation became far more complicated when his estranged mother redirected her anger toward his teenage son. As summer approached, the boy made a choice that left his father feeling hurt, sidelined, and unsure how to respond. When the son resurfaced only after hearing about a fun trip, social media users were split on whether the father was holding a healthy boundary or unfairly punishing a child caught in the middle.

AITAH for not seeing my kid and still doing the things I had planned for summer break after he decided to visit my mom and not me?

The family fracture began with severe boundary violations and deeply hurtful words…

my mom and I are not on talking/seeing terms . she couldn’t respect mine or my wife’s boundaries and rules we set for our kids, and when we talked to...

and called my wife and I every name in the book telling us” I can and will do what I want I’m the grandma” told me when my wife decided...

even calling my adopted daughter (my wife’s first child) “a r__arded inbred hillbilly”. So I cut her out of my life.

The conflict escalated when his mother involved his teenage son from a previous relationship…

So to get back at me she turned my oldest son (14) from a different relationship against me. We live in a different state than my son he comes to...

and usually some time with my mom while I’m at work. she told him he wasn’t going to see her this summer and gave him this nice long story how...

His son ultimately issued an ultimatum that cut deeply…

ADVERTISEMENT

So he called me a few days after the fight and said he was not coming down if he couldn’t see his grandma. That hurt but he is also 14...

The final blow came when the son reappeared only after learning about a fun plan…

Well just the other day he called me (when he found out we were going to a theme park) and said he was in my state for the summer but...

ADVERTISEMENT

And wanted to go the theme park with me. I told him it was too late I already had the tickets.

The father stood firm, even though it left him feeling awful…

He seemed to understand that but then he said “well if you want to see me you have to come to grandmas” I told him that I love him and...

ADVERTISEMENT

and being here for nearly a month without me knowing hurt but he made his decision and I will not be seeing him this summer.

I feel like the only reason he called was because he found out I was doing something fun (like I do every summer with him.) I feel like the biggest...

This situation sits at the crossroads of estrangement, parenting, and adolescent development. The father’s decision to cut off his mother appears rooted in protecting his immediate family from emotional harm. From that standpoint, maintaining distance is understandable, especially when boundaries were repeatedly ignored.

ADVERTISEMENT

However, teenagers operate with limited emotional tools. At 14, children are especially vulnerable to manipulation by trusted adults and often lack the context to fully understand family conflicts. What may feel like a deliberate rejection to a parent can be confusion or divided loyalty for a child.

Family psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, who specializes in estrangement, notes, “Children often feel intense pressure to maintain relationships with all sides of a family, even when those relationships are unhealthy.” When adults frame conflicts in absolutes, kids can feel forced to choose before they are emotionally ready.

Many experts suggest separating consequences from connection. Holding boundaries with the grandmother does not require withdrawing parental presence from the child. Calm, honest conversations, ideally with professional support, can help rebuild trust without validating manipulation. The long-term goal is not winning a standoff, but preserving the parent-child relationship through clarity and consistency.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Many users sided with the father, arguing that actions have consequences…

Economy_Rutabaga9450 − At 14 he knows the difference between visiting Dad and Visiting Grandma. He made his choice and needs to understand that choices have costs and benefits. Better to...

swipergonswipe − Nah, your son is being manipulative too. He wants his cake and he wants it to eat it too, and plus he is siding with his manipulative grandmother.

ADVERTISEMENT

You aren't punishing him, he made his choice and you're making him stand on it. *NTA, and let him keep going to his grandmother.

* It's not like you aren't there for your child, he's just doing some weird BS now, so let him do what he wants to do and see the consequences...

SunSpot666 − You are discovering how estrangement runs in families through generations

ADVERTISEMENT

Queasy_Lettuce4312 − Because of the comments I would first and foremost request a paternity test. If it is your child then make a legal agreement about custody and cs. Then...

MameDennis1974 − Your son and you both should do some therapy. Separate and together. Offer to meet him at therapy. It sounds like you both could use it.

Others urged compassion, emphasizing the child’s age and vulnerability…

ADVERTISEMENT

Expensive_Hall_8024 − It's important to remember that your son is only 14 years old, and he may not fully understand the complexities of the situation or the impact of his...

It's also possible that he's feeling torn between loyalty to you and a desire to maintain a relationship with his grandmother. so talk to him and mend your relationship with...

RecommendationSlow25 − Well, let’s just say he’s a 14-year-old kid! . Your mother conned him into not liking you except when you’re going to do something fun. You can always...

ADVERTISEMENT

Just tell him you’ll pick them up but not come inside the house. He’s your son after all kids make the mistakes now you can set them straight about what’s...

Pandoratastic − Did you explain to your son what actually happened with your mom?

PrestigiousTrouble48 − You need to sit your kid down and give him your side of the story. My grandma was a narc and I started having doubts about liking her...

ADVERTISEMENT

and had basically gone NC by my late teens, I saw how she treated my dad, uncles, pop, brother and sister.

I was the GC so it was never me but once my dad started being honest about some of the evil and manipulative things she had done I had the...

Your kid may side with her but honesty and trust will go a long way in maintaining a relationship with you and knowing how evil she can be will help...

ADVERTISEMENT

TeachPotential9523 − How old is he because if he was minor I would go get him

Some commenters were bluntly critical of the father’s stance…

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − What’s in the custody agreement? Why is spending the summer with gma an option?

Username_1379 − I pretty much agree with u/swipergonswipe. Edit: NTA I do think though you should consider this as a teaching opportunity and perhaps a bonding opportunity.

In a few days, invite him out to lunch. Be open and honest (as much as you feel comfortable doing so) about the relationship you have with your mom.

ADVERTISEMENT

And also discuss your initial reasons for not pushing him to spend the summer with you, but then how that can have some unintended consequences.

Even if you tried explaining it to him on the phone or something already, maybe an in-person discussion would be a bit calmer and better received?

Even if it doesn’t go perfectly, perhaps you could both agree to disagree and at least try to move forward in having as decent of a relationship as you can.

ADVERTISEMENT

Tiamat_fire_and_ice − Short answer: yes, you are. You are treating him like a fellow adult who let you down rather than a kid who’s barely a teenager.

You could have definitely pointed out that you would have liked to have been told earlier that he was in town

and that the way he handled things wasn’t good manners but you don’t punish your own child by not spending time with him! Really, what is the matter with you?

ADVERTISEMENT

5eeek1ngAn5werz − Asking a kid to take sides in a family quarrel is never a good choice. Your mother did that, but then so did you, when you took his...

gave up your visitation with him in a way that almost signaled that it suited you just fine, and now try to get even with him by not including him...

[Reddit User] − I just love these stories of grown ass adults putting adult situation on their children and mad when they don't pick a side.

Grow the f__k up and parent your child even when they don't want to be parented. And a damn ticket to a theme park can be bought the day of,...

This story highlights how quickly unresolved family conflict can spill onto the next generation. A father tried to protect his family from harm, while a teenager navigated loyalty, influence, and temptation. Whether the response was a necessary boundary or an emotional overcorrection depends on perspective. What remains clear is that children often bear the heaviest weight in adult conflicts. If you were in this father’s position, how would you balance boundaries with unconditional parental support?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *