AITA for helping my 12yo niece eat healthier after doctor’s advice?

Imagine a sun-dappled kitchen where a modest plate of grilled chicken and crisp greens sits between a young aunt and her wide-eyed niece, the air thick with the scent of fresh herbs and unspoken hopes. For months, this 27-year-old guardian has watched her 13-year-old charge transform, shedding nearly 60 pounds through sheer willpower and mirrored meals.

Yet beneath the glow of progress simmers a storm. The girl’s mother, absent for seasons, returns to a slimmer daughter and erupts in fury, branding the change as starvation rather than salvation. Pride clashes with panic, leaving everyone wondering where loving guidance ends and harmful influence begins.

‘AITA for letting my obese 12 year old niece go on a diet?’

My (27F) niece (13F) started living with me last year due to some issues with my sister and brother in law. Her parents used to let her eat whatever she...

At the beginning, she was considered class 2 obese. I’ve always had a very small appetite. I usually eat around 100 calories for breakfast, around 300 calories for lunch and...

She said she didn’t want to be fat anymore, and wanted to be healthy like me. So for the past year, I’ve been giving my niece the same meals as...

My sister talks to my niece over the phone and on video calls. However, yesterday was the first time in several months since they met in person. She immediately noticed...

She accused me of “starving” her daughter. I said she chose to eat less, but my sister said that no preteen child should be dieting. I said that my niece...

My sister said that it's common for children to have baby fat and lose weight after puberty, but I said my niece had way more than just baby fat. I...

Guiding a child’s eating habits can feel like walking a tightrope over a pizza party – one wobble, and things get messy. The aunt faces a classic clash: her niece, previously class 2 obese from unchecked junk food under her parents’ roof, begged for healthier meals mirroring the aunt’s tiny portions. The aunt insists it’s voluntary, yet her own 700-calorie baseline screams restriction. The sister flips, calling it starvation, while the aunt defends the girl’s autonomy and medical necessity.

Satirically, it’s like swapping one extreme – ice cream breakfasts – for another, where “choice” masks impressionable mimicry. This mirrors broader childhood obesity epidemics, with nearly 20% of U.S. kids aged 2-19 affected, linked to long-term health risks like diabetes. But crash dieting in tweens risks stunting growth and fostering disorders, with experts urging balanced approaches over calorie counts for developing bodies.

Pediatric dietitian Natalia Stasenko warns that children should never follow restrictive diets without medical supervision, emphasizing family meals with variety to build lifelong habits. Here, the aunt’s model, though well-intentioned, risks imprinting unsustainable restriction on a teen needing 1,800-2,200 calories daily for growth.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s chorus weighs in with a mix of support and side-eye, praising the aunt’s intentions while waving red flags about her own eating patterns. Many call for professional intervention to protect the girl’s physical and emotional health.

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grammarlysucksass − NTA given that you’re not actually forcing her on this diet and let her eat what she wants, but to be honest a few alarm bells a ringing...

My maths is this- your meals only add up to 700 calories, which means that to make your calories up to a healthy maintenance weight, assuming that you’re a short,...

you must be eating at absolute minimum 500 calories worth of “healthy snacks” a day to be eating anything close to what is required for basic nutrition (1200 calories for...

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and I’m also wondering if this is somewhat a choice given that you know exactly how many calories you’re eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m not necessarily saying you’re...

LockBudget444 − NTA. I say with a grain of salt. I don’t think you’re an Ahole, however, this is the prime age of ED breeding and it CAN be dangerous...

It sounds like there are a lot of issues in her home life, so it would be probably be beneficial for her to see a therapist anyway for both her...

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All that said, I don’t think you’re a bad person at all, I think you seem to be a very black and white person and are just trying to help....

And I do think you’re a good person for not allowing her to continue the diet your sister had her on as that’s not healthy either. All in all, NTA,...

[Reddit User] − ESH. Your sister over feeds your niece and your idea of a healthy diet is well under a 1,00 calories a day? Different sides of the same...

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Overeating and undereating are commonwith kids who grew up in unstable homes. It gives some feeling of control. What kind of craziness did you and your sister have to deal...

hayleybeth7 − ESH. You didn’t “force” your niece onto a diet, but you have to be aware of the fact that kids are very impressionable. Your eating habits aren’t healthy...

Teens need more calories because they are still growing, but she might not know that and she might wanna copy you because she looks up to you. However, her mother...

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aprettylittlebird − YTA for allowing your niece to think restricting food to this extent is healthy. As a pediatrician I can tell you that eating only 700 calories a day...

There’s nothing wrong with eating healthier and learning about satiety and portion sizes but 700 calories a day is way too low for any adolescent or adult human being. Please...

[Reddit User] - NTA, but consider this website. RMR Calculator Use that to calculate her RMR and only cut her caloric intake by 500 calories per day.

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That sort of reduction in intake will add up to a deficit of 3,500 calories per week and 3,500 calories is a pound of fat. Nice thing about knowing one's...

Doing that can allow her to eat healthy and still lose a healthy and sustainable pound a week. Make sure that you recalculate the RMR using that website every week...

Also consider that if you reduce the caloric intake by 250 calories and get her to exercise for an additional 250.. .same result. And make her a part of the...

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Its_Big_Fungus − YTA. "I've always had a very small appetite" no. You are anorexic. The human body cannot subsist on 700 calories per day no matter what size you are....

And it's extremely likely that your grazing gives you significantly more calories than you're claiming, which your niece won't understand. You are giving your niece an eating disorder.

SunshineSeriesB − INFO: Do you present her with more than 1000 cals/day? Do you provide her ample availability of foods so she can get seconds? Do you present a fair...

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Have you made comments to her about her weight and about her former diet? ESH. While you have good intentions, based on your write up, it doesn't seem like you're...

Even if she's been there a full 12 months, she'd still be losing over a pound a week which is aggressive for a 13yo. Your sister is also incorrect as...

roseofjuly − ESH, because (assuming you are telling the truth) you don't actually eat enough calories to sustain human life on a regular basis, let alone a healthy growing preteen...

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She (and perhaps you) are conflating "skinny" and "very low calories" with healthy. If you want to get your niece healthy, take her to a doctor and/or a registered dietitian...

and actual healthy nutritional advice, rather than using weird restrictive fad diets from the Internet or whatever. Also, don't blow this off on "she chose! " She's 12. The whole...

riontach − Holy s__t YTA. Having a child in your care an allowing them to eat only 700 calories a day should be criminal n__lect. This child needs a nutritionist...

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Aluanne − YTA for letting a child follow your own undereating and for not consulting a pediatrician about the eating habits. This is a nesting eg for ED.

AllTitsSomeArse − INFO: how many calories are in your snacks? It sounds as though you actually are under eating. Are you a nutritionist/dietician/dr? Is she actually obese or do you...

She is about to go through puberty, she needs more than 700-1200 calories. You could be setting her up for problems in the future if she’s been in a deficit...

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bionicfeetgrl − YTA because while you’re not forcing your niece to eat what you eat, you are absolutely not ensuring she’s getting enough calories if she’s eating the same #...

But they do need more calories than 1000. Balanced meals with a variety of proteins, carbs, fats, fruits and veggies. They need them all. Teaching her restrictive eating is just...

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vy-vy − Unpopular but yeah, YTA, like absolutely. If you truly eat that much, news flash: thats a raging ed and you need to get it treated & STOP pushing...

ppmd − Why did you stir up drama by calling it a diet? It would have been easier to just say your niece adjusted what she at and this is...

The consensus leans toward concern over extremes, with users urging therapy, nutritionists, and balanced guidance rather than letting a preteen navigate adult calorie math alone.

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Wrapping this up, it’s clear that good intentions don’t always calorie-count correctly – both overindulgence and underfeeding can detour a kid’s health journey. The aunt’s heart seems in the right place, empowering choice amid chaos, but professional guidance could steer everyone toward sustainable wins. Ultimately, nurturing bodies and bonds means ditching diets for joyful, balanced living. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?

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