AITA for saying it’s not my job to prevent my dad yelling at me?

An 18-year-old woman refused to preemptively ask her 64-year-old father if he needed privacy every time he entered his bedroom, sparking yells from both parents. He blocked her exit while demanding space, then exploded over unclosed blinds he had never mentioned. In addition, what makes the story more complicated is the mother’s plea that the daughter manage his temper to avoid outbursts.

The teen insisted adults control their own emotions, not her duty to guess triggers. The clash revealed eggshell-walking in the home. Moreover, his shifting rules kept everyone guessing.

‘AITA for saying it’s not my job to prevent my dad yelling at me?’

The father’s long-standing privacy rule clashed with sudden, wordless demands for instant compliance.

I (18f) have a dad (64m) with a temper. He’s always had this boundary about me talking to my mom while he gets changed, so I always leave the room...

Recently, he’ll ask for privacy and if I don’t move at that exact second he’ll blow up at me and won’t even express why with words.

A bedroom chat turned chaotic when he blocked the door and unleashed over privacy and blinds.

Today, I was talking with my mom on her bed, my dad comes in, asks to get changed, I sit up, and he blocks my only exit from the room.

Then he starts yelling about how we’re giving him no privacy, we’re not even bothering to close the window blinds (which he never asked about before that very moment) and...

The mother shifted blame, insisting the daughter predict and prevent his rage.

10 min later my mom has tried to reason with him and I’ve left the room by now. I go back to talk to my mom and she starts telling...

I say that it’s not my responsibility to cater to a grown man’s feelings just because he has a problem with a situation. My mom is now yelling at me...

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Temper tantrums from adults signal poor regulation, not others’ failures to anticipate. The father’s blocking and yelling, plus new blind demands, create unpredictable chaos. Expecting a teen to mind-read shifts accountability unfairly.

Some suggest tactical avoidance for peace. Yet this enables volatility; responsibility lies with the yeller. What makes the story more complicated is the mother’s enabling, likely from prolonged exposure. In addition, age gaps amplify power imbalances.

Family dynamics often normalize control via fear. Therapist Lori Gottlieb says, “Walking on eggshells teaches compliance, not safety—adults must model calm” (source: “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone”).

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This household needs boundaries, not preemptive guesses.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Users overwhelmingly backed the daughter, labeling the father abusive and the mother complicit.

TipElectronic535 − Your father sounds disturbed, to be honest. And your mother is totally an enabler who spends her energy defusing situations. This is not a healthy living situation for...

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sootfire − NTA and your dad sounds abusive. He's constantly moving the goalposts to keep you on edge. I bet your mom is asking you to do something different

because she's also trying to keep up with these constantly moving goalposts to avoid abuse--but it's really unfair of her to blame you when you both should be blaming your...

clairejv − NTA. Your mother is obviously walking on eggshells to try and manage your dad's volatile moods and outbursts. And it might make sense to do that, tactically. But...

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[Reddit User] − Im a dad. Your dad is a piece of work. Sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders. Don't let his poor attitude get to...

your mother to be subservient to his childlike tantrums. This is not reasonable and is using the two of you as punching bags for his problems.

Illustrious_Bus7861 − Don't go into the room at all would be my response. From what you say, his poor behaviour has escalated. Is this a fairly recent occurrence and is...

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If it's fairly recent and he generally hasn't had temper management issues, it could be a sign of health issues such as dementia. Either way, It's not your fault that...

Practical avoidance tips offered balance without faulting her stance.

Fiigwort − NTA but tbh, I would just go ahead and leave the room the second he walks in every time. It's not fair for him to speak to you...

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o I would set the boundary that if he's going to speak to you like that... he just doesn't get to speak to you at all. Leave every time he...

Leave every time he opens his mouth to you, be just as petty and childish as him

Remote-Passenger7880 − NTA but I'd recommend just avoiding their room. You dont have to cater to his feelings but you can avoid this specific blowup. He can't yell at you...

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A few suggested alternative spaces or noted bedroom norms.

Dense-Character- − Stop talking to your mum in their room since they’re both so unreasonable about it. Y’all got a living room?

Royal_Eye6517 − NTA. He should've given you a chance to leave. You can avoid this particular scenario in future by just avoiding being in your parents' bedroom if it's a...

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Maybe he doesn't like you in his bedroom in general which isn't unusual in itself but could obviously be better expressed. You can't avoid making angry people upset though --...

You can’t avoid making angry people upset though — unless you move out and avoid him completely.

Oyster5436 − Stop going in to your parents' bedroom to talk to your mother. Bedroom's are traditionally places of privacy. You should respect your parents' privacy as they should for...

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The daughter’s refusal to babysit her father’s moods held firm against enabling pressures, spotlighting his uncontrolled anger. Strategic distance may ease daily friction, but core accountability remains his.

How do you handle unpredictable family tempers—avoidance or confrontation? When does “keeping peace” cross into unfair burden for kids?

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