AITA for Demanding a Divorce After My Wife’s Open Marriage Proposal?

After nine years together, he thought his marriage was solid until his wife dropped a bombshell: she wanted an open marriage to “try new things” with others. Hurt by the proposal, he leaned on his lifelong “me first” mentality, deciding that divorce was the only way to protect his peace, even if it meant less time with their son.

The conversation turned heated when his wife called him selfish and a bad father for prioritizing himself. He argued their son would adjust, but online reactions were mixed, with some backing his stance and others slamming his approach to parenting. Was he too quick to choose divorce? This story has sparked fierce debates about loyalty, parenting, and personal boundaries.

‘AITA for Demanding a Divorce After My Wife’s Open Marriage Proposal?’

It started with a seemingly happy marriage:

Their intimate life seemed fine, until issues arose:

He was deeply hurt and needed time to think:

His wife pushed back, sparking a heated argument:

This story highlights a deep conflict between personal needs and family responsibilities. His wife’s proposal for an open marriage, though presented as a way to refresh their relationship, left OP feeling betrayed, especially given his “me first” mindset. His swift decision to pursue divorce and uneven custody arrangement stirred controversy, underscoring tensions between self-preservation and parental duty.

Relationship expert John Gottman stresses that “open communication and respect are key to resolving marital conflicts” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). The wife’s suggestion of an open marriage may have been an attempt to address feelings of monotony, but raising it without prior discussion about their mutual needs shows a lack of sensitivity. OP’s immediate jump to divorce, without exploring options like counseling, suggests he too struggled with communication.

OP’s “me first” philosophy, while protective of his boundaries, becomes problematic when applied to parenting. His suggestion of weekend-only custody and comment that his son “would get used to it” dismisses the emotional impact on the child. Child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham notes, “Children need stability from both parents, especially during a divorce” (Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids). OP must prioritize his son’s emotional needs, ensuring support from both parents.

Moving forward, OP and his wife should consider marriage counseling to openly discuss their needs and boundaries. If divorce is inevitable, they must collaborate on a fair custody schedule, putting their son’s well-being first. OP could also benefit from personal therapy to process his hurt and find a balance between personal peace and family responsibilities.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Some supported OP for standing by his boundaries:

Many criticized OP for his selfish mindset and parenting approach:

Some felt both OP and his wife were at fault:

One user questioned the story’s authenticity:

OP’s demand for a divorce stemmed from his need to protect his personal peace after his wife’s open marriage proposal. However, his “me first” approach and suggestion of uneven custody, paired with his “he’ll get over it” stance, drew criticism for selfishness. His wife’s failure to discuss her needs earlier also fueled the conflict.

Can OP and his wife find a way to communicate and save their marriage? How should he balance his needs with his son’s well-being? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep this conversation going!