WIBTA for Refusing to Care for Our Kids While My Wife Works Abroad?
OP (36M) is clashing with his wife, a language teacher, over her plan to lead a two-week overseas student trip to boost her program. OP objects, saying caring for their three kids (10, 7, 5) alongside his high-stress job is too much, even with his parents’ help. He emphasizes his role as the main earner and once suggested she become a stay-at-home mom, sparking accusations of control. His wife feels unsupported in her career.
Reddit largely calls OP YTA, criticizing his controlling and patriarchal attitude while praising his eventual shift to support his wife. Some see his initial stance as selfish, given his resources. Is OP wrong for prioritizing his comfort over his wife’s career? Let’s dive into this heated marital dispute.
‘WIBTA for Refusing to Care for Our Kids While My Wife Works Abroad?’
The conflict began over the wife’s work trip:
OP’s perspective and family tension:
OP emphasizes his breadwinner role:
Update: OP shifts his stance after Reddit feedback:
OP’s initial reaction reflects a patriarchal mindset, emphasizing his breadwinner role and downplaying his wife’s career. Marriage expert Dr. John Gottman states, “Strong marriages rely on mutual support and respect for each other’s goals”. Suggesting his wife become a stay-at-home mom and opposing her trip shows a lack of regard for her teaching passion, potentially harming her self-esteem.
Reddit criticizes OP for controlling behavior and shirking family duties, especially with parental help and kids in camp. However, his willingness to change after feedback is a positive step. Dr. Sue Johnson notes, “Openness to growth and repair signals a salvageable relationship” (Hold Me Tight). OP’s childhood trauma (an absent mother) partly explains his anxiety but doesn’t justify controlling his wife.
OP should continue supporting his wife’s career by proactively managing childcare, such as hiring help or leveraging camps. An honest conversation with his wife to apologize and commit to shared responsibilities can mend the rift. Couples therapy could help them discuss expectations and boundaries. OP should also work with a therapist to address his childhood trauma and avoid projecting it onto his family.
This story underscores the need for equality and support in marriage. OP isn’t a villain but someone learning to balance his provider role with family duties. His shift in perspective is commendable, but he must keep working to be a more supportive spouse.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Reddit largely criticizes OP as selfish and patriarchal:
![[Reddit User] - “YTA your edit about ‘it’s BS that a man can’t feel proud and take some credit’ is missing the point if the criticism. You sharing you make...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/wp-editor-1761982014680-4.webp)
Some highlight the unfairness to OP’s wife:
Some encourage OP to see the positive opportunity:
Some harshly criticize OP’s mindset:
OP was initially wrong to oppose his wife’s trip due to personal stress and patriarchal views, but his willingness to change after Reddit’s feedback is commendable. Reddit calls him out for dismissing his wife’s passion and shirking family duties, but also encourages him to see this as a bonding opportunity with his kids.
Marriage thrives on mutual support, and OP is learning to balance roles. What do you think of OP’s initial stance? Can he become a more supportive husband? Share your thoughts to keep this discussion going!
