AITA for Forbidding My In-Laws from Teaching My Daughter to Call Them Mom and Dad?

While picking up her daughter from her brother-in-law and sister-in-law’s house, OP overheard them teaching the girl to call them “mom and dad.” Upset but composed, OP politely asked them to stop, emphasizing they are her aunt and uncle. The sister-in-law cried, claiming they deserved the titles for raising OP’s husband. When OP threatened to cut contact, her husband supported her, but a friend called her unreasonable, saying “it’s just names.”

Reddit backs OP, arguing the in-laws’ actions cross boundaries and could confuse her daughter. Was OP right to set firm boundaries? Let’s break down the story and explore the community’s reactions to clarify.

‘AITA for Forbidding My In-Laws from Teaching My Daughter to Call Them Mom and Dad?’

It began when OP overheard a conversation at her in-laws’ house:

OP confronted her in-laws about their behavior:

The in-laws’ act of teaching OP’s daughter to call them “mom and dad” is a serious boundary violation, potentially confusing the child about family roles. Family expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Clear boundaries are the foundation of respect in families” (The Relationship Cure). OP was right to demand they stop, but the sister-in-law’s tears and claim of “deserving” the titles suggest emotional manipulation. This behavior disrespects OP and could harm her daughter’s psychological clarity.

Reddit largely supports OP, stressing that claiming “mom and dad” titles is inappropriate and could alienate the child from her real parents. Some suggest “grandma and grandpa” as a fitting alternative, given the in-laws raised OP’s husband. The American Psychological Association emphasizes that children need clear family roles for emotional security. The sister-in-law’s crying is a sign of immature communication, escalating the conflict unnecessarily.

OP should maintain firm boundaries, explaining that “mom and dad” titles could confuse her daughter and undermine her and her husband’s roles. A calm conversation with the in-laws, possibly involving her husband, is needed to clarify consequences if this continues. OP should closely monitor future interactions between her daughter and the in-laws. If necessary, a family therapist could help resolve this conflict constructively, preserving family ties.

OP isn’t wrong for protecting her role as a mother, but she should avoid letting the conflict escalate to cutting off family entirely. The in-laws’ behavior suggests possible regret over not having their own children, but this doesn’t justify crossing boundaries. This story underscores the importance of clear boundaries and honest communication in families. OP should encourage her daughter to use terms like “aunt and uncle” or “grandma and grandpa” to maintain respect without confusion.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit users largely supported OP, saying the in-laws crossed a line:

Some highlighted the manipulation and potential confusion:

Some suggested alternative titles or criticized OP’s friend:

Others emphasized the inappropriate behavior:

OP wasn’t wrong to protect her role as her daughter’s mother against her in-laws’ boundary-crossing behavior. Teaching the girl to call them “mom and dad” risks confusion and disrespects OP’s parental role. Reddit supports OP, stressing that “mom and dad” titles are reserved for her and her husband, and the in-laws need to respect boundaries.

What do you think about the in-laws wanting to be called “mom and dad”? Should OP allow supervised visits? Share your thoughts to keep the discussion going!