AITAH for not helping a woman who says her child should receive survivor benefits from my late ex?

A 43-year-old woman trying to move past the agony of a broken marriage gets yanked back into hell when her ex-husband dies unexpectedly. He passed in a motorcycle crash just over two years after their divorce, and she footed the funeral bill for their 15-year-old daughter’s sake, even though he’d shattered her trust repeatedly. Four months later, as she’s getting survivor benefits for her kid, a social worker calls with news of another woman – one claiming a 3-year-old son by him, but with zero proof so far.

She crunches the timeline and realizes the kid was likely conceived during their marriage, while she was recovering from a brutal major surgery. This other woman probably knew they were wed, and now the request for her daughter to do a DNA test to verify paternity feels like ripping open scars. She’s refused, wondering if it’s the right call amid fresh waves of shame and hurt.

‘AITAH for not helping a woman who says her child should receive survivor benefits from my late ex?’

It all stems from a trust-shattering divorce, leading to the ex’s sudden death and the OP’s duty to her daughter:

Then a call from the caseworker upends everything, with an out-of-the-blue DNA test request:

The OP quickly does the math and uncovers the harsh truth about conception timing, stirring up old rage:

Finally, the OP shares her deep doubts about her choice amid lingering pain:

The core issue here is the OP shielding her daughter and her benefits from a claim tied to her ex’s betrayals. She’s nixing the DNA test over privacy fears and reliving marriage trauma, especially since the child might stem from an affair during her post-surgery vulnerability. This highlights the clash between empathy for kids and self-preservation after relational wounds.

On the flip side, the other woman might be scrambling to support her boy, with survivor benefits as a vital lifeline. Yet her three-year delay in pursuing anything legal until after his death raises eyebrows about motives – maybe cashing in rather than genuine care. Society tends to side with innocent children, but no one can force the OP to sacrifice her family’s peace to validate that.

Psychologist John Gottman, in his work on relationships (from the Gottman Institute), has noted how revisiting betrayal memories can inflict lasting damage akin to trauma. That’s what’s hitting the OP, and opting out makes sense to spare her daughter extra mess from an imperfect dad.

Practical advice: The OP should consult a lawyer specializing in social benefits or child privacy laws to confirm no legal duty to test. If fairness nags at her, suggest the woman approach the ex’s relatives for DNA instead, keeping things at arm’s length. Meanwhile, get counseling for her daughter to navigate feelings about her flawed father.

Socially, this tale exposes flaws in survivor benefits systems needing tighter processes for inheritance disputes, sparing outsiders like the OP. It also underscores affair consequences, where kids often pay the biggest price. Ultimately, putting the OP’s and daughter’s mental health first is key. Not helping isn’t selfish – it’s a stand for self-protection after years of endurance.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Hey, the internet’s got opinions, and they’re pouring in hot with zero chill for the late-night drama drop:

Loads jump in echoing she owes squat, toss alternatives her way:

Protect-the-kid vibes run strong, no more trauma for the teen:

Blasts at the ex and his sidepiece highlight owning your mess:

Shutting down the pity party, blame the parent not the poster:

Deeper dives question timing and life lessons:

Wrapped up, it’s a fresh scar on old betrayal, with the mom drawing a line to shield her daughter from more fallout while a potential half-sib scrambles for scraps. Community cheers her on, but the gray zones linger—kids deserve support, yet no one signs up to fix others’ chaos.

So, where do you land? Would bending for the toddler’s sake heal anything, or is locking down family peace the real win? Spill your thoughts below and let’s unpack this mess together.