AITA for telling my father and his wife that it’s too late to compromise and I don’t want to engage in therapy with them?

A 16-year-old girl and her brothers lost their mom as toddlers. Dad remarried Beth months later and forced adoption, swapping mom’s name on birth certificates despite protests. The kids fought back from the start, but got overruled.

Years on, Beth cries for love, dad pushes therapy and odd compromises like dual parents. The girl rejects it all, saying the erasure killed any chance. Family calls her unfair for drawing the line now.

‘AITA for telling my father and his wife that it’s too late to compromise and I don’t want to engage in therapy with them?’

It all starts with the tragedy of losing mom when the kids were tiny, then dad swiftly remarrying Beth from a widows group:

I'm 16f and I have two brothers 18m and 14m. We lost our mom when we were 3, 5 and 7 and our dad remarried when we were 4, 6...

About a month after mom died dad was in a widows and widowers group and that's how he met his wife, Beth. Beth lost her husband and had no kids.

Right after the wedding, they pushed adoption and dismissed the kids’ and extended family’s input:

When they got married they sat us down and told us Beth was going to adopt us. My older brother and I objected. But we were ignored. Around that time...

saying we would be taken care of if anything happened to our father, no need to go through with the adoption. Beth told them she was our mother now and...

Court rejected first, but they lied about no family support the second time:

We spoke to a social worker and the judge before the adoption happened. Initially their request was rejected based on our conversations. But then they came up with a story...

Kids discovered name swap on certificates, sparking rage and therapy for oldest:

ADVERTISEMENT

Older brother and I never liked it, younger brother didn't really no any better but by age 7 was saying he wished he wasn't adopted as well. He could have...

We have new birth certificates ever since the adoption and her name is in the place of mother. Found that out when I gave my mom's name in school one...

It pissed off my older brother so much that he told Beth he hoped she would die and we could be adopted again since she was far more replaceable than...

ADVERTISEMENT

That lasted for two years until he moved out last year. He then asked our maternal grandparents to adopt him since he couldn't find a way to reverse the adoption.

Recently Beth and my father have figured out that I want to do the same and so does my younger brother. Beth broke down and said she just wanted the...

Girl refuses, says too late after mom erasure:

ADVERTISEMENT

My father suggested they do therapy with me and my brother (separate sessions with each of us) and that we try to work out a compromise. I told him it...

I told Beth we were never her children and she would need to accept the fact she was never going to be loved back. My father told me that wasn't...

We could still work something out, like have our grandparents adopt us but call him and Beth mom and dad and let them still be parents and grandparents in the...

ADVERTISEMENT

ETA: Just some points that have been brought up. Both times the adoption petition went to court. The first time was rejected because of what we said. Nothing was brought...

The second time dad made it seem like none of our family were willing to be there if he died and he was so afraid of that. We did no...

They had the old notes from before. Was also asked to add that Beth always wanted to be a mother. She could not have kids. Was okay with that. Then...

ADVERTISEMENT

The heart of the mess is double trauma—losing mom, then having her memory forcibly replaced. Dad and Beth chased Beth’s motherhood dream, steamrolling grieving kids barely old enough to understand death.

Some argue therapy could bridge gaps, but that ignores the betrayal: court lies, ignored objections, permanent legal erasure. Blended families work when respect flows both ways, not through manipulation.

Psychologist Dr. John Bowlby emphasized attachment theory, noting forced bonds disrupt natural grief, leading to lasting resentment (Attachment and Loss, 1969). Here, coercion bred rejection, not love.

ADVERTISEMENT

The girl’s refusal stands as healthy boundary-setting, not unfairness. Solutions include solo therapy for her to process anger, legal consult on fraud-based reversal, preserving mom photos and stories. Grandparents’ adoption offers stability without compromise on truth.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Folks online overwhelmingly side with the girl, slamming dad and Beth for mom-erasure and lies:

Most rage at the force and manipulation, urge skipping joint therapy:

ADVERTISEMENT

bunnyhop2005 - NTA, but your father and Beth sure are. Beth is the kind of stepmom that gives stepparents a bad name. She wanted to adopt you and your brothers...

so she hijacked the three of you and promptly erased your mom’s memory. But your father is even worse because he allowed all of this to happen over your wishes....

It just sounds like he wanted to get a replacement mom in the door as quickly as possibly so the family could regain a semblance of normalcy, but in the...

ADVERTISEMENT

Mammoth-Foundation52 - NTA - The timeline between your dad meeting Beth and marrying her is irrelevant, them trying to force you to accept Beth as a parents and literally erase...

Don’t go to therapy with them. You already know they’re happy to bend the truth and manipulate others into getting their way. Beth is an adult, and her egotistical desire...

I know it’s tough to stand your ground when you’re a minor and have little ground to stand on, but you got this. Stay in with your older brother since...

ADVERTISEMENT

Waxmaniac2 - NTA. It's understandable that you and your siblings are struggling with the loss of your mother and the adoption by your father's wife, especially given the circumstances. It's...

While it's admirable that your father and stepmother want to work on things, it's important to acknowledge that some things can't be fixed or changed with therapy. It's up to...

Many push solo therapy, original docs, grandparent adoption:

ADVERTISEMENT

protomyth - NTA - are you in possession of any photos of your Mom? You might want to hunt those down now. I would also get in touch with the...

where you can get a copy of your original, unaltered birth certificate. They did lie in front of a judge, so that might be an avenue to delete the adoption.

kgaske - NTA While you are very young, as others have pointed out, your youth doesn’t invalidate your feelings. Rather than engage in family therapy, which is a huge ask...

ADVERTISEMENT

A therapist may be able to help you start sorting through your feelings and developing strategies to deal with your situation now

and on your parents dime rather than letting all this fester inside you through early adulthood. You’re already doing an awesome job of expressing your feelings and intentions and knowing...

ADVERTISEMENT

bigcup321 - NTA. Beth had a fantasy of being a mother. She didn't seem to know or care who you were or how you felt—she just tried to make you...

It really sucks that your dad has been on her side with this. He must be pretty desperate to be in his own happy family fantasy, too, after your mother...

Others call Beth selfish, cheer following big brother:

ADVERTISEMENT

Spooky365 - NTA your feelings and wants we're never considered. You had this woman forced on you to fulfill a desire she had. You never saw her as a mother...

She's selfish and not a "real" mom because she only cares about what she wants. She ruined any chance of having that bond by trying to force it on you....

It seems like all your father cares about is giving her whatever she wants no matter the cost. They didn't consider your feelings then, so you do not have to...

ADVERTISEMENT

This is not their decision, you are reclaiming a part of yourself that they stole from you. Follow your brothers footsteps, and get adopted by your grandparents, if that is...

Anonnymusse - NTA. I can’t understand why your dad was okay with erasing your mom. You guys might have come to care for her if they hadn’t tried to obliterate...

ladytypeperson - NTA. But I second the idea of getting your own individual therapy in your dad’s dime while a minor, don’t even consider doing family therapy until you’ve had...

ADVERTISEMENT

(Don’t hesitate to make a few initial consultations with different providers to find a comfortable fit). I say this because a good therapist is in YOUR corner. Sounds like you...

The therapist can even help you strategize how to deal with Beth until you’re able to move away for school or a job etc. I’m sorry for the loss of...

If you want, tell us a really nice fact or story about your mom (no identifying details, obvs). Do your dad and Beth even let you reminisce like that? It’s...

In my family we often talk about, “oh, granddaddy would’ve loved that,” or, “haha, remember when granny said that thing? ” even though they’ve been gone for years. Sending you...

Quick hits condemn the lies and force:

HammerOn57 - NTA. Your father and Beth should never have lied in order to get their own way with your adoption. That was a very poor choice of action on...

I don't think I can comprehend how terrible that must have been for you and your brothers. You were not unfair for telling that that it was too late for...

Actions have consequences, and this is the consequence of theirs. I hope your maternal grandparents are able to adopt you. I also think that individual therapy for yourself would not...

[Reddit User] - First of all, NTA. Second, am I understanding this correctly? They want you and your brother to go to therapy separately, as in you go to therapy...

and then your brother goes to therapy with both of them in a totally different session? Because if that is the case, that basically means they get to isolate you...

Gen_X_Diva - NTA. Is there a way to overturn the adoption because your father lied that extended family would not take you in if he died? He had to sign...

lostalldoubt86 - NTA- Did your father and Beth go to therapy with your brother? If they did, it wasn’t effective. If they didn’t, it sounds like they need to find...

Frequent_Local_3443 - NTA that's unforgivable to erase your mom's name of the certificate how dare they. What kind of thought process lud them to that. Can't even wrap my head...

[Reddit User] - Wow. So many N A Hs. Bad circumstances don't always excuse bad actions and this is a case of that. Lying to the court?

Not listening to OP and then making yourself "mom" against their will? Forcing someone into therapy for two years? Erasing signs of OPs mother? Thats all very fucked up and...

Forced adoption and mom-erasure shattered trust beyond repair. The girl’s firm no to therapy reclaims her identity after years of theft. Lines drawn, consequences hit home. Would you push for legal reversal too, or focus on solo healing first?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *