AITA for refusing to become my dad’s legal guardian even though my family wants me to?
A daughter faces a crushing demand: become legal guardian to the father who was never there. At 25, she’s just starting her life. He spent hers drunk or absent. He showed up 10% sober, 80% passed out, 10% missing. Her stepdad filled every gap.
Now addiction has wrecked him—hospitalized, broke, filthy apartment. Family wants court to strip his rights and hand them to her. She said no. Guilt gnaws, but so does dread. This isn’t love asking—it’s decades of neglect cashing in. When the parent who failed you needs saving, do you owe them your future? Or is “no” the only way to finally be free?
‘AITA for refusing to become my dad’s legal guardian even though my family wants me to?’
Bio dad is drunk or gone; stepdad steps in.
Addiction worsens; family cleans up repeatedly.
Aunt angry when OP seeks help instead of direct care.
Family wants OP as legal guardian; she refuses.
OP’s father parentified no one but himself into oblivion. Guardianship isn’t a favor; it’s a life sentence of medical bills, housing crises, and emotional blackmail. At 25, she’s not equipped—nor obligated.
He chose substances over fatherhood. She chose survival. Family now chooses convenience: dump the mess on the youngest adult. This is classic parentification in reverse—children forced to raise failed parents. The aunt who volunteered? Let her. The uncle who suggested OP? He can sign the papers.
Elder law attorney Kerry Peck notes in The 36-Hour Day (contributor, 2017 edition): “Guardianship should fall to the person most willing and able, not the one related by blood.” Willingness matters—resentment breeds burnout. OP’s boundary isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation.
Practical steps: send a calm group email—“I support [volunteer] stepping up. I cannot take guardianship.” Then mute the chat. Document every refusal of professional help he’s made—use it if guilt-tripped. Redirect family to social services, VA (if applicable), or state adult protective services. Therapy helps unpack guilt without accepting blame. She owes him nothing he didn’t give her: presence, effort, love. Her adulthood isn’t his redemption arc.
Check out how the community responded:
The online crowd unanimously declared NTA and tore into the family’s guilt-trip. Three clear camps emerged: total refusal, expose the dodge, and let the state handle it.Total Refusal – “He never parented you, you don’t parent him”
Readers insisted OP owes zero to a sperm donor.
Commenters spotted the convenient shuffle to the youngest adult.
Many urged professional care, not family sacrifice.
You are not your father’s retirement plan. He chose bottles over birthdays; you get to choose your life over his wreckage. The family volunteering you is the same crew that watched him vanish—their silence then doesn’t buy your future now. Saying no isn’t selfish; it’s the first adult boundary you ever set for the child he ignored.Would you torch your 20s to rescue someone who torched your childhood? When “blood” demands your bank account, your time, your peace—who really owes whom?If the roles were reversed and you needed help at 25, would he even pick up the phone?
