AITA For not paying money to help my brother after he told my son this?

At 19, a pregnant teen was shunned by her family, forced to fend for herself while working grueling hours to keep her baby fed. Her brother, the golden child, got a free pass—until he screamed at her 5-year-old son that she should’ve “aborted him.”

Two years later, that brother’s business tanked, and now Mom’s begging for cash to bail him out. She says “family is family,” but where was that mantra when a scared young mom and her kid were treated like outcasts? The internet’s got thoughts, and they’re not holding back.

‘AITA For not paying money to help my brother after he told my son this?’

The drama started when OP, pregnant at 19, faced her family’s cold shoulder:

So, when I was 19 I got pregnant with my son and his dad bailed after fighting with me wanting to go through with the pregnancy. My family told me...

During my stay I was treated poorly. I was pregnant, working, and wouldn't eat/wear/use anything unless I'm paying for it. My parents were awful to me and they were doing...

Her brother, meanwhile, was untouchable:

My brother was treated like the golden child. He was worshiped in every way and his wife was the lady who get a special treatment because "she was pregnant with...

At that point I knew my son will be treated poorly if he grows up around them. I moved out when my son was 5, after my brother was visiting...

He said this within my earshot and I decided to move out after everyone defended him. And I went no contact with him.. I was able (and from the help...

OP built a new life, but family drama resurfaced:

My son is 7 years old. I'm now taking courses at the academy to improve my knowledge/skills and of course my salary. Luckily I have met wonderful people that treat...

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She'd visit regularly and I appreciate her for that. My brother sold his house and got a rented apartment to save money for paying for construction machines and starting a...

That was 2 years ago, but he failed and is now stuck paying rent and taking care of his kids. My mom said he's devastated and broken. She said she...

Mom’s plea for help sparked a heated clash:

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She told me the whole family is rising money to help his situation out. We started arguing when she didn't like my response and said th st family is family...

I called her unreasonable to try to get the kids involved to get me to empathize with his situation I told her that the family didn't do that when I...

She said she wouldn't visit me anymore if I choose to be this cruel and selfish and now she's calling wanting me to meet my brother so we can talk.....

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The brother’s comment to a 5-year-old wasn’t just cruel—it’s a form of emotional abuse that justifies OP’s no-contact stance. Child psychologists, like Dr. Bessel van der Kolk (author of The Body Keeps the Score), emphasize that such verbal attacks on a young child can leave lasting trauma, especially when family defends the abuser. OP’s instinct to shield her son by moving out was spot-on.

The family’s double standards—shunning a pregnant teen while coddling the brother—point to a toxic dynamic rooted in favoritism. OP’s refusal to fund her brother’s recovery isn’t petty; it’s a boundary drawn from years of being dismissed. Family therapist Virginia Satir notes that unequal treatment in families breeds resentment that can span decades, and OP’s mom leveraging “his poor kids” mirrors the guilt-tripping that kept OP underfoot as a teen.

Legally and morally, OP owes her brother nothing—her money is hers to prioritize for her son and her future. That said, a single meeting with clear terms (e.g., a full apology for the abortion comment) could test if reconciliation is possible without financial strings. If he balks, no-contact stays the healthiest move.

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Mom’s threat to cut visits is manipulative, but OP can counter with calm firmness: “I love our visits, but I won’t be guilted into helping someone who hurt my son.” Therapy for OP and her son could help process the lingering pain, ensuring they thrive despite the family’s dysfunction.

Check out how the community responded:

The online crowd rallied behind OP, torching the family’s hypocrisy with zero chill.

Most branded the family toxic and urged OP to hold her ground:

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Tamika_Olivia - NTA Your parents and brother were unreasonable and cruel, and now they expect help? S__ew that. You're fine, they can cry crocodile tears elsewhere.

Swegh_ - NTA - that “family is family” mentality is toxic and should be throw in the trash. Your entire family abused you and your son. You owe them nothing....

wind-river7 - NTA. But your mother is. They treated you like dirt and now expect you to help out a person that talked about aborting your son in front of....

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Amara_Undone - You don't owe your areshole brother or manipulative mother anything. NTA.

Some offered scripts to shut down Mom’s guilt trips:

lets_talk_aboutsplet - NTA. Say this to your mom: “Mom, I get that you think I should help brother financially but I’m not willing to do that after the way he...

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I forgive him, but that doesn’t mean I have to do favors for him, either. If you choose not to visit me because of that I will miss your visits,...

[Reddit User] - NTA! ! In no way are u the a__hole? Honestly, unless they're asking u to meet up to apologise for the way they've treated u, id say...

Others pointed out the brother’s gall dodging a direct ask:

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jupiter82 - NTA for many reasons. But you are under no obligation to give anyone in your family any money. In fact, this frequently leads to more family issues than...

Your mum needs to recognise that your brother has kept himself out of your life, quite deliberately, for many years. He can't just suddenly decide that you and your son...

[Reddit User] - NTA, it sounds like your family is really horrible. You don’t need to feel bad for your brother when he’s in his own situation especially considering how...

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The angriest called for total cutoff:

shangib723 - NTA There is no way in hell I would help that man. He was intentionally cruel to your child, his nephew, and your mother's grandchild. I would never...

Kultissim - Wow so you got the worst treatment from them when you were at your lowest bot now somehow because the brother is at his you gotta chip in?...

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Evil_Mel - NTA Run! Go no contact with your whole family, entitled brother be damned. He made his bed, now it's time to lie in it.

A few saw the kids but still backed OP:

420FLgirl - NTA I wouldn’t even be in contact with my mother after what they put you through. They’re bailing out an adult who made poor financial choices when he...

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pollygirl77 - NTA. You do not owe anyone in that family anything.

OP climbed out of a family that treated her like a pariah, only to face demands to rescue the same brother who told her young son he shouldn’t exist. The internet’s verdict is crystal: she owes him nothing, and Mom’s “family is family” plea rings hollow after years of favoritism. Should OP meet her brother to hear him out, or keep her distance and let him face the consequences of his words? Share your thoughts below!

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One Comment

  1. Oh, don’t you dare meet with anyone!! NO is a complete sentence and after they way they treated you when you needed them ( a whole lot more than your brother does)I’d tell them all to take a walk and leave you the hell alone. Your mother has absolutely zero respect for you if she thought that it was ok to ask you for money and then follow it up with family is family!! What are you??? You were a major inconvenience when you were 19 and pregnant with no support from “Family” and now that they need your money they have the audacity to use the “Family” card!! You absolutely need to back away from that family dynamic and most certainly don’t expose your child to it either.