My (35m)wife (34f) died and I won’t give my mother in law anything she wants?

A 35-year-old dad reels from losing his 34-year-old wife to cancer after a brutal multi-year fight. With two young kids left motherless, he navigates raw grief while fending off his mother-in-law’s shocking requests. The couple kept distance from her for years—now he wonders if full no-contact is too much.

The twist stings hard: MIL shows up drunk-dialing about the body on the night of death, pushes to move the funeral for booze, and chases ashes against explicit wishes. She skips the grandkids entirely. Online voices flood in, backing his shield around the family.

Everything collapses when cancer claims his wife far too young, leaving him and the kids shattered.

Grief swallows everything, but the kids’ pain hits deepest as he fights to hold it together.

Tensions with MIL brew early and worsen, leading to minimal contact long before the end.

He invites MIL to the hospital out of empathy, a choice his wife would have vetoed.

MIL flips to “super grandma” online but unleashes chaos in private, ignoring boundaries.

This dad’s protecting his kids from chaos amid unimaginable loss—smart move. Wife set no-contact boundaries for good reason; MIL’s actions post-death confirm the toxicity. Demanding ashes, booze at funerals, and zero grandkid outreach scream self-focus over support.

At the same time, losing a child crushes parents too. MIL grieves, but alcohol-fueled demands hurt everyone. Dad regrets pushing reconciliation—lesson learned. Truly, prioritizing kids’ stability trumps forced ties.

Grief expert David Kessler, co-author with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, says, “Grief is love with no place to go. Healthy boundaries allow that love to flow toward those who need it most—here, the children.”

Start with therapy for all; kids process mom’s absence differently. Document MIL’s texts for legal safety against grandparent rights claims. Block channels, focus routines—school, play, talks about mom. If MIL cleans up, reconsider supervised visits later. Peace first heals.

See what others had to share with OP:

Most users back the dad fully, urging protection and no guilt over cutting ties.

A couple suggest caution or later reevaluation, keeping doors cracked if behavior shifts.

Some add empathy with firm advice to prioritize healing over drama.

This family’s fresh pain needs space, not extra battles—MIL’s demands clash with wife’s clear wishes and kids’ fragile hearts. Dad honors the past by guarding the future, choosing quiet healing over forced bonds. Would you keep a toxic grandparent around after loss, or slam the door for peace?