AITA for taking my brother’s private school tuition?

A 16-year-old girl lands a golden opportunity to attend a prestigious private school, but it sets off a family feud. When her older brother gets expelled, their grandfather swoops in with an offer to fund her education—a move dripping with sexism and clearly meant to punish her sibling. Is she wrong for seizing this chance?

The drama escalates as her brother lashes out, accusing her of stealing “his” money, even ruining her acceptance papers in a fit of rage. Their parents, surprisingly, take his side, leaving her questioning if she’s in the wrong.

‘AITA for taking my brother’s private school tuition?’

The story kicks off with a shocking decision from the grandfather.

When my brother was 10, my grandfather said that the following academic year, when he was meant to start at the local comprehensive, he would instead be going to private...

My grandfather set aside some money for him to be a day student at a nearby private school (no boarding), and agreed on this with my parents. When I turned...

Things take a turn when the brother faces a major setback.

I'm now 16, my brother is 18. His private schooling has gone up to sixth form, and he's been expelled. My grandfather has now offered to pay for me to...

There's still a definite sexist sheen coating everything, and he's very clearly doing this solely to stick it to my brother. However, I've accepted the offer anyway. It's only going...

but he says he'll also pay for cost of living when I go to university, which he apparently also promised my brother, and all I have to do is not...

The situation heats up as the brother lashes out in anger.

My brother has said that I'm TA. He says our grandfather is pitting us against each other and playing favourites and I'm s__tty for letting it happen. I said he's...

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my brother just doesn't like it because now *I'm* the one being favoured. Last night I was looking through my acceptance papers and he intentionally poured half his beer all...

I told him to get over himself. He said that he didn't realise it was my time of the month and that if he known I'd react that badly to...

I told him that his actions over the last couple weeks have been pathetic and that he's acting like a spoiled brat because his actions have consequences. He poured the...

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The parents add fuel to the fire with their stance.

Our parents now want us to apologise to each other and said that while he's bad, I'm worse, because it was his school/money and I'm taking it off him and...

Mum added that I was fully aware that taking the money was my grandfather's way of proving a point to my brother and sending a message, and that I was...

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This story hinges on the grandfather’s blatant gender-based favoritism, denying the girl funding at age 10 simply because she’s female. This injustice planted seeds of resentment, now blooming into sibling rivalry. The brother, once the favored one, feels cheated when his sister gets the same opportunity he lost through his own actions—expulsion. His destructive behavior, from ruining her papers to hurling insults, reflects anger but doesn’t justify his outburst.

Some might argue she should’ve declined the offer to avoid fueling family drama or validating her grandfather’s manipulative tactics. But passing up a valuable education to appease her brother’s jealousy would be unfair to her. Family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Unresolved expectations in families often fuel conflict” (The Dance of Anger). The girl shouldn’t bear the burden of her brother’s mistakes or her grandfather’s biases.

On a broader level, this saga highlights how sexism persists in family dynamics. The grandfather’s offer, while beneficial now, stems from spite rather than genuine fairness, putting the girl in a tough spot—caught between her brother’s resentment and her parents’ disapproval, who oddly enabled the initial favoritism.

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Advice: She should seize this educational opportunity but set clear boundaries with her brother and grandfather. An honest conversation with her parents, perhaps with a family counselor, could ease tensions. She’d be wise to plan a financial backup in case her grandfather’s support falters unexpectedly.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Social media buzzed with opinions on this family drama, and the crowd didn’t hold back.

Plenty of users rallied behind the girl, urging her to grab the opportunity and not let her brother’s tantrums hold her back.

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[Reddit User] − NTA He wants the money? Well he shouldn't have been expelled. It wasn't a competition or pitting you against him until he lost the privilege. If he...

he should have said something when he was getting his education paid for but not you. However, I would try to distance yourself as much as possible from that grandfather....

The_Wondering_Monk − NTA. First off, sorry about your grandfather. Sexism sucks. Secondly, your brother pissed away his chance. Expulsion is quite a severe punishment resulting from an escalation of punishments,...

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your brother's being a d__k, and this is your chance to overcome the insane level of sexism that seems to surround you. Your actions didn't cause...

Besides, even if you didn't take the offer, how could your brother attend a school he's been expelled from? Edit: corrected autocorrect typo

Others didn’t mince words, slamming the brother’s behavior and the parents’ complicity in letting favoritism fester.

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[Reddit User] − Your grandfather sounds sexist and your brothers an entitled jerk. I would totally take advantage of the opportunity, you don't owe them anything and your education is...

if only to get away from the current situation. Also destroying something that doesn't belong to you and calling it a joke? NTA

brownies671 − NTA. He only screams favoritism because sexism doesn't work in his favor anymore. And no, you did not "take his money". Even if your grandfather gave you the...

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he still gave you rights to the money (that your brother squandered by his own lack of capability btw) and you have proved to be more worthy of that money....

janewilson90 − NTA Your grandfather is obviously sexist which makes him an a__hole by default. Your brother seems to be following in his footsteps too. I'm going to presume that...

and having the financial support removed as a result and so part of his reaction is him lashing out at you. That is not ok and your parents should be...

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They were perfectly fine with your brother being favoured. They, and he, just don’t like it when you’re the favoured one. Yeah your parents have a mild point about not...

Reading acceptance letters has nothing to do with him. Your parents are assholes for just sitting there while your brother got private school funding and you got nothing just because...

Getting into uni at 16 is an impressive achievement. If your grandfather wants to financially support you through it just to stick it to your brother? Let him. Its not...

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Make sure you've got backup finance options though just incase he pulls funding for you doing something he doesn't approve of though (like a subject which is 'not for girls').

Some comments zoomed out, focusing on the bigger issues and urging the girl to protect her future.

donkeyinamansuit − NTA. Privilege was fine for him when it was making HIS life easier because of course. I'd suggest you grey rock your brother and stop reacting to him...

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defnotaguru − I want to swear but I won't. NTA at all. Private school is a great opportunity, and living costs when you go to university can be expensive. Take...

Alinaoana − NTA Take the money and don't look back, your family is so so s__tty. .. your entitled brother, your insanely misogynistic grandpa and your absolutely clueless parents. This...

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Flashy-Promise-6915 − Let’s digest this: Your GF is an AH for being an sexist old man and pitting siblings against each other Your brother is an AH for acting up...

Your parents are AH for allowing the favouritism and sexism to get to this stage and for so long. They should have a bloody word with themselves INFO - whilst...

The online crowd overwhelmingly backs the girl, calling out the unfairness in her family and urging her to focus on her education while navigating the messy dynamics.

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This story shows how favoritism can fracture families, sparking jealousy and resentment. Seizing an opportunity doesn’t mean stealing from someone else, especially when it’s a chance to right a past wrong. Staying focused on personal goals amid family drama is key.

Should the girl have turned down the scholarship to keep the peace? If you were in her shoes, how would you handle this? Share your thoughts below!

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