AITA for not caving in to my 5 yo’s hunger strike?

A 22-year-old mom battling stage 2 melanoma stood her ground when her 5-year-old daughter, Sophie, launched a hunger strike, demanding egg and cheese sandwiches made only by her for every meal. Exhausted from chemo and frustrated by her visiting father’s insistence that she give in, the mom refused, knowing Sophie usually relents by mid-morning, but now she’s questioning if she’s a bad parent.

This tale of parenting grit dives into the clash of a child’s picky eating, a serious health battle, and family meddling. Was the mom right to hold firm against Sophie’s tantrums, or should she have caved to keep the peace? Let’s unpack the drama and see what Reddit had to say!

‘AITA for not caving in to my 5 yo’s hunger strike?’

The situation centers on the OP’s parenting challenge with her daughter, Sophie:

My fiancé and I (22m and 21f) have 2 kids, 5f and 3f. Our 5 year old, Sophie, is very strong willed and tends to go through picky phases. Right...

All it is is scrambled eggs with whatever kind of cheese we have in the house on white bread. She's also determined that I am the only person allowed to...

I have stage 2 melanoma. Most of the time I'm ok but I need to take a few days to rest after chemo and I don't cook on those days....

Sophie’s hunger strikes create tension, worsened by her grandfather’s interference:

Sophie tends to do these little hunger strikes where she says she won't eat anything but whatever food she wants at the moment and I have to be the one...

The thing is, by 10-11 am she tends to crumble and agree to only have a cheesy egg sandwich for breakfast and eat other foods/my fiancé's or mom's cooking.

Her father’s pressure pushes the OP to question her stance:

Well, now my dad is visiting and he tends to spoil the kids. I had chemo yesterday and Sophie is currently demanding that I get up and make her sandwich...

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he knows I'm not feeling well but it's less than 5 minutes and Sophie needs to eat. I told him she'll stop when she realizes she won't get her way...

This story captures the grueling balance of parenting through a serious illness and the added strain of family interference. The OP’s refusal to cave to Sophie’s hunger strike, especially while recovering from chemo, is a testament to her commitment to teaching her daughter resilience and boundaries. Sophie’s fixation on egg and cheese sandwiches made only by her mom is typical of a 5-year-old testing control, but her grandfather’s enabling risks reinforcing the behavior.

Sophie’s “hunger strikes” are more tantrums than genuine starvation, as she relents by mid-morning. Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham notes, “Young children often use food as a way to exert control, especially in stressful situations like a parent’s illness” (Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids). The OP’s strategy of holding firm while ensuring other food options are available is sound, teaching Sophie that demands won’t always be met while keeping her safe.

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However, the grandfather’s pressure is a misstep. By urging the OP to cook despite her post-chemo exhaustion, he undermines her authority and adds stress to an already tough situation. The OP could strengthen her approach by calmly explaining to her dad that enabling Sophie’s tantrums could harm her long-term, and she might consider involving him in redirecting Sophie, like helping her make her own sandwich.

The path forward involves clear communication and support. The OP should enlist her fiancé and mom to reinforce boundaries with Sophie and her dad, possibly suggesting he help with simple tasks to engage Sophie positively. Therapy for Sophie could help her process her mom’s illness, reducing her need for control through food. The OP’s resilience is inspiring, but she needs her family’s backing to maintain it.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit jumped into this parenting drama with strong support for the OP, slamming her dad’s interference and offering practical tips to manage Sophie’s tantrums. Here’s every comment, grouped by perspective!

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Most backed the OP’s stance and criticized her dad’s enabling:

Having-hope3594 - “NTA. Stand firm. This is cancer and chemo! A five-year-old understands what is going on and she is testing your dad.”

YouthNAsia63 - “You would be a bad mom if you did give into these hunger strikes. Your kid will be going to school soon, she is going to have to...

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And your dad, over here hounding you to get up and make food to feed your kid, when you are a cancer patient undergoing chemo, and there is somebody else...

Tell your dad to go pound sand. What is he bringing to the table here? Is he here to help you? It sure doesn’t sound like it. He can keep...

Hungry-Book - “NTA. Have your dad make the damn food.”

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Reddit User - “NTA. A hunger strike of a few hours is not a hunger strike. It's a tantrum. Tell your dad you're not raising a spoiled child and she's...

anneisawesome - “NTA You are teaching her, in a reasonable way, that she can’t always get her way. Also, you’re not feeling well due to the chemo so it’s not...

If she actually refused to eat anything else at all and starved herself for days on end or even had continued bad experiences with food that isn’t her current favorite...

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She still has the option to eat food, and even the food she prefers, just not prepared by you. Also, honestly I don’t think it was very kind or helpful...

he’s the guest here and it sounds like he’s not listening to your guidance here, which doesn’t automatically make you T A just because he thinks he knows better.”

simplylisa - “NTA You will be so thankful that you nipped this in the bud while she's 5. Can you imagine the manipulation of a 13 yr old girl whose...

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briomio - “NTA. Excuse me, but exactly why is your Dad here - isn't he there to ‘help’. Well, he's not helping by turning his granddaughter into a tyrant. I...

As to Sophie and her tantrum demands. I would tell her to go ahead and not eat that no one has ever found any skeletons of little girls that refused...

End of discussion do not engage her in any more conversations. If you ignore this behavior, it will go away on its own. This is attention seeking behavior and she's...

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somethingstrange87 - “NTA. You know your child will give up the hunger strike by lunch time. You're in no way neglecting or depriving her. Your dad needs to get on...

Some suggested Sophie’s behavior might need professional attention:

Leading-Knowledge712 - “NTA Your daughter needs to learn that she can’t always get what she wants and your dad needs to stop enabling her.

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A friend whose daughter is a picky eater had a policy that the daughter can eat as little or much as she wants at meals, with no commentary on her...

If she chooses not to eat, there is a cupboard with healthy snacks and she’s allowed to help herself from these options. Her daughter has a healthy weight and is...

Instead of coming to you when you are recovering from chemo, your dad needs to tell your daughter something like this: ‘Mommy is sick and she’s taking very strong medicine...

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She can’t cook for you today, so let’s make something together in the kitchen for your lunch.’ He could also offer her choices, such as deciding what shape to cut...

Maybe he could even help her make something simple for your lunch and bring it to you, so she feels she’s playing a role in your recovery. Or if you’re...

Wickedlove7 - “Edit. Since this behavior is not new. NTA. Kids need to learn that it's not always feasible for one person to make all their meals. Info.

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Have the hunger strikes started once you began treatment for cancer? Or did she always do this. This could be their way to try and gain some sort of control...

While yes kiddo needs to be able to eat what others give them, they might also benefit from play therapy to help deal with emotions of you going through chemo....

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0biterdicta - “You need to have your daughter evaluated by a doctor and a therapist. She's 5, her mother is sick. It's very possible she's doing this because of emotions...

Crazymom771316 - “NTA but I urge you to speak about this and any other ‘rigid’ or ‘abnormal’ behaviors to your pediatrician and ask if they think she should be evaluated.”

Others offered practical parenting tips:

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Leading-Knowledge712 - “NTA Your daughter needs to learn that she can’t always get what she wants and your dad needs to stop enabling her.

A friend whose daughter is a picky eater had a policy that the daughter can eat as little or much as she wants at meals, with no commentary on her...

If she chooses not to eat, there is a cupboard with healthy snacks and she’s allowed to help herself from these options. Her daughter has a healthy weight and is...

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Instead of coming to you when you are recovering from chemo, your dad needs to tell your daughter something like this: ‘Mommy is sick and she’s taking very strong medicine...

She can’t cook for you today, so let’s make something together in the kitchen for your lunch.’ He could also offer her choices, such as deciding what shape to cut...

Maybe he could even help her make something simple for your lunch and bring it to you, so she feels she’s playing a role in your recovery. Or if you’re...

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Some took a lighter tone:

StAlvis - “NTA But NGL, these E&C sandwiches deserve better than white bread.”

One defended Sophie’s behavior as normal:

Reddit User - “People here saying children fixating on food is a sign of someone needing to be evaluated obviously don't deal with kids regularly. Children go through phases all...

Pizza rolls, cheese sandwiches, chicken nuggets etc. It can range from days to months. No two children are the same with the timing. The fact that she doesn't do it...

This parenting drama is a raw look at balancing health struggles, a child’s tantrums, and family meddling. The OP’s refusal to give in to Sophie’s hunger strike while recovering from chemo is a bold stand for boundaries, but her dad’s pressure adds stress to an already tough situation. Should she hold firm, or is there a way to redirect Sophie’s demands? What’s your take on this family clash? Share your thoughts below!

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