WIBTA for putting a camera in the kitchen without telling my husband?

When a woman started forgetting household tasks and noticed oddities like a pre-toothpasted brush, she wondered if her husband was gaslighting her—or if her memory was failing. Considering a secret camera to ease her mind, she’s torn between peace and privacy. It’s a mystery that’s left her questioning everything. Sound familiar?

Social media offers a mix of concern and caution, urging medical checks over hidden surveillance. It’s a relatable tale of trust and self-doubt, blending suspense with practical advice. Dive into her dilemma and see what you think.

'WIBTA for putting a camera in the kitchen without telling my husband?'

Strange lapses raised red flags.

My husband is complaining about me forgetting things, like loading the dishwasher and not switching it on, or leaving the stove or oven on after cooking, or not putting things...

Things I’m 95% sure I remembered to do. I’ll switch on the boiler (AKA water heater for US readers) for a hot bath, and an hour later it will be...

Then this morning, I came to brush my teeth, and my toothbrush already had toothpaste on it. Wtf? Did I come earlier? Did I not brush my teeth last night?...

Suspicion crept in despite trust.

Now I might be in denial, or have paranoia as an exciting extra, or I just read too much reddit, but it occurs to me this could also be gaslighting...

A camera idea met with hesitation.

So I would like to install a camera to reassure myself that it’s really me doing these things. Obviously, I can’t get permission from my husband without defeating the whole...

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but I don’t want to damage my relationship in the (much more likely) case that all this has nothing to do with him.. WIBTA for temporarily invading his privacy to...

Updates shifted her approach.

EDIT: It seems like step 1 needs to be checking for carbon monoxide. I'll postpone any other decisions until that's been checked. Thank you everyone for your comments and concern!

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For those concerned for imminent problems while I get that checked, thank you, but if it's a problem at all, it could only be in very low doses.

This has been a mild problem for months rather than an acute problem in the last few days, I'm not showing any other symptoms, husband isn't showing any signs at...

**UPDATE:**. The CO detector is showing 0 ppm, so not the problem. Along the way, I have also learnt: * CO is not heavier than air (that's CO2) and the...

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* Memory loss of this type is not a typical symptom anyway. The symptoms to watch out for are headaches, dizziness, drowsiness and nausea.. Taking everyone's advice: I've applied for...

I will look into getting a vlogger-style body cam to video **myself** when I am alone. If it shows me forgetting, that will be helpful in diagnosing how I'm forgetting....

(Quick edit to add:) We're both mid-forties, so unlikely but not impossible to be dementia. My periods are extremely regular, so unlikely to be perimenopausal, but I'll check that with...

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Thank you everyone for your care, concern, and advice. I am o__rwhelmed by how helpful everyone is being. For all of you who have shared your own stories of gaslighting,...

This woman’s suspicion of gaslighting amid memory lapses reflects a natural response to unexplained changes, though her initial leap to a hidden camera risks relationship trust. The oddities—unturned appliances, pre-toothpasted brushes—could stem from memory issues, medical conditions, or, less likely, manipulation. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert, notes, “Unexplained cognitive shifts often signal health concerns before relational sabotage”.

Her husband’s complaints, if genuine, suggest concern, not malice, unless other red flags exist. Carbon monoxide was a smart check—ruled out at 0 ppm—but memory loss isn’t a classic symptom (headaches, dizziness are more typical). Dementia or perimenopause, though less likely at mid-forties, warrant GP evaluation, as she’s planning.

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Solutions? Her body cam idea is a balanced start, recording her actions to self-assess without invading his privacy. Open dialogue with her husband about her concerns, post-medical check, could clarify if he’s noticed patterns. If gaslighting is proven, professional support is key.

This story highlights the importance of health over suspicion. Her caution to delay the camera shows wisdom, prioritizing facts over fear.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Users split between medical advice and camera ethics, showing concern.

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scienceizfake − Before you do something so intrusive, check your carbon monoxide detectors.

Rowan6547 − OP - do you have a carbon monoxide detector? If not, get one ASAP as confusion is a symptom - occasionally people who believe they have a haunted...

I've seen the original 1944 movie Gaslight, and it's a pretty damning statement about your relationship if you suspect that's what your husband is doing, and presumably there are other...

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If you don't trust your husband, then cameras aren't unreasonable, but secret recording is going to have relationship consequences regardless of the outcome.

nexted − Installing a camera is ethically dubious, but I totally get the inclination. Alternate suggestion: record yourself. When you turn the oven on or off, have your phone out...

All the common things you could think of him speaking up about you "forgetting". Then you can go back and replay the video to assure yourself, and you avoid any...

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mnbvcdo − go see a doctor. If this has a medical reason, it might be important to catch it as early as possible so you can get help. also, I...

if he's genuinely concerned, he'll be up for setting up cameras. If the incidents miraculously stop after the cameras are set up, you have reason to be suspicious of him....

nuggets256 − YWBTA if you just set them up. You say it would defeat the purpose if he knows but it wouldn't. If you tell him you want to set...

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Some shared personal insights or caution.

AdditionalFondant304 − If my other half was suddenly forgetting things like this and I knew that I wasn't actively trying to drive them crazy, I would definitely insist on seeing...

She's trying to find out if she's really forgetting these things or if he's pulling some weird gaslighting stuff on her out of nowhere. I would think that she could...

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Aggressive-Local-716 − NTA. I would do it. My now ex did this s__t to me. He had me and my immediate family convinced I was crazy. I went out of...

MerlinBiggs − NTA. Somethings going on and you need to get to the bottom it.

Imaginary_Building_4 − NTA, something weird is going on here. Get the camera, place it in the kitchen and watch what is going on. Either he's doing something dodgy

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or you are suffering from time loss blackouts which should be your sign you need immediate medical attention as they could be symptoms of serious concerns. Either situation is something...

xhero1330 − Honestly, broach the topic with him that you want to set up a few cameras in case you are having issues. Entirely possible there's something serious going on...

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thelittlefae5 − I'd also like to point out- since you stated you have no reason to believe that he's doing anything you're also exhibiting paranoia. Which combined with memory issues,...

t3ra8y73 − So hard to vote on this one, since it really comes down to if there's a medical condition at play or if he's gaslighting you in the truest...

If you are truly forgetting, I would think he'd be 100% onboard in order to prove his point. Setting them up with his knowledge should also help you see if...

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throw05282021 − NTA. How else are you going to find a root cause that you can trust? Either you quickly discover that you are, in fact, crazy, and you share...

rosered936 − This is hard. YTA if that is the first thing you do. I suggest seeing a doctor first. If you really think your husband gaslighting you is more...

I had weird memory issues that gradually got worse and it turned out to be small seizures. It doesn’t hurt to get checked out. Do you have a close friend...

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descentbecomesafall − I would tell him you are doing it. If he says no, messes with the cameras in any way, or the wierd stuff stops happening you have your...

This woman’s plan to use a hidden camera to unravel memory lapses and possible gaslighting shifted to medical checks after community advice, revealing a 0 ppm CO level. Her body cam idea now takes priority, balancing self-awareness with relationship trust. Social media urges health first, split on camera ethics. It’s a lesson in seeking answers without breaking bonds. Would you install the camera?

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