WIBTA if I toldmy girlfriend to accept our open relationship or leave?

Can love survive when two people want different futures? A 35-year-old man faced this question in his year-long relationship. He was upfront about wanting an open relationship from the start. His girlfriend initially agreed but now wants monogamy as they plan to move in together. His refusal to close the relationship sparked a heated argument. Was he wrong to stand firm?

Her request to change the rules revealed deep insecurities. She felt heartbroken knowing he was with other women. Social media users offered varied perspectives, questioning their compatibility. The man ultimately ended the relationship, prioritizing honesty. This story explores the clash between personal desires and relationship compromises.

‘WIBTA if I toldmy girlfriend to accept our open relationship or leave?’

The relationship began with clear boundaries.

I know it sounds bad but here me out. I am 35M and she is 32F if that matters. My girlfriend and I met on Tinder over a year ago....

A long-term open relationship. I want someone I can fall in love with and come home to but I can't see myself ever being happy only sleeping with one woman...

Their connection grew despite differing goals.

Some background on my girlfriend and our relationship. She’s a curvy woman, and honestly, she’s absolutely gorgeous. I’ve always been attracted to women of all shapes and sizes — what...

I've always been attracted to all kinds of women, if she's got a pretty face and a great personality the rest is just attitude and confidence. When we first matched...

I said yes, and she told me that’s not what she was looking for, but she was open to spending some casual time together. We continued seeing each other a...

I was very open that I was also seeing other people. One night after we spent time together, she mentioned that it was a shame we didn’t want the same...

I asked her what difference it would make between what we have and if we were an official couple considering I'm still sleeping around now. She thought about it and...

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They formalized their relationship with rules.

So we became an official couple and set ground rules. No one we know, no sleeping with the same person more than 2-3 times, always use protection and get tested...

Her feelings changed as they planned to move in together.

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Fast forward to the present. We celebrated our one year anniversary recently and she's been talking about how the lease on her apartment is done at the end of August....

I brought up that we should talk about adjusting our relationship rules a bit. She looked nervous and said she's been wanting to talk to me about that and said...

I was a little shocked honestly and asked her why. She said that she thought she'd be okay with it and for a while she was, until one day when...

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She also said that she has self confidence issues (which surprised me because she always acts so confident), and it's hurting her to know I'm sleeping with women who are...

I asked if she's slept with anyone else while we've been official, she said she slept with one guy once and felt gross afterwards and said it felt wrong.

He refused to change the relationship structure.

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I kinda felt my whole body sigh and asked her why she never brought this up sooner. She said she was hoping feeling like this would just go away and...

I looked at her and told her under no circumstances am I willing to close the relationship, she knows what she agreed to when we became official and it's on...

I told her I love her and I'm willing to go to therapy with her to work on her self image and to help her with jealousy in an open...

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I guess she told her best friend because she's been texting me, calling me a selfish a__hole and that I should care more about her then getting laid by strangers....

He ended the relationship after reflection.

UPDATE: I was gonna make another post but it's not a huge update so I'm putting it here. I broke up with her, she asked me again to try monogamy...

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and I told her it won't work and asked her to remember how she felt the first time she realized I was with another woman. She was angry and crying...

but she's better off trying to find someone who can make her happy in the ways I can't. I'm gonna stay single for a while and work through some s__t....

A 35-year-old man ended his relationship when his girlfriend requested monogamy. He was clear about wanting an open relationship from the start. Her initial agreement masked her discomfort, which surfaced as they planned to move in together. Her insecurities and heartbreak highlight the emotional toll of open relationships for some. Compatibility in relationship structures is critical.

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The man’s transparency was commendable. However, his failure to notice her discomfort suggests a lack of emotional attunement. Her delay in voicing her feelings also hindered communication. Open relationships require mutual enthusiasm and ongoing check-ins. Their mismatch in needs led to an inevitable split. “Honest communication is the foundation of any relationship.” — Dr. John Gottman (relationship expert), The Gottman Institute, 2020.

He could have initiated regular discussions about their arrangement. Couples therapy might have clarified their differences earlier. Society often romanticizes flexibility in relationships, but core incompatibilities are hard to bridge. This situation prompts reflection on balancing personal desires with a partner’s emotional well-being.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Social media users had mixed reactions to the man’s situation. Most agreed the couple was incompatible and supported the breakup. Some criticized his approach.

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Many users felt the relationship was doomed due to differing needs.

RandomSupDevGuy − NTA but your question is wrong, you shouldn't give her the ultimatum you should break up with her. She want a to be monogamous and you don't, you...

She started to fall for you and hoped you did too but also that you would have changed and want to be monogamous. One of you will be lying if...

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YuanBaoTW − You're not an a__hole. You're just way too naive, especially for a 35 year-old man. Don't get involved with women who explicitly tell you they aren't looking for...

worthy_usable − NTA, but you two should go your separate ways because this is a fundamental incompatibility. Neither one of you is wrong in what you want, you just want...

Please be kind to her when you end this relationship. Neither of you deserves being unhappy in a relationship that doesn't function. For what it's worth, open relationships almost never...

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RockNDrums − It's already been in the comments already But, if you care for this girl. Let her go. You want open. She wants mono. Y'all are not compatible.

One or the other is just going to get hurt. Relationships require communication. For being a year, you should know her well. If you keep dragging her on, Y T...

Suspicious-Grand9781 − Neither of you are ta. You just want different things.

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Some users felt he overlooked her discomfort.

BuilderKindly3658 − I guess you’re technically NTA you communicated your intentions clearly but I refuse to believe you were oblivious to her discomfort. You’ve been together a year and you...

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Did you never check up on her or ask her how she was feeling about it the whole year? Personally I think people in open relationships should only pursue others...

rosetravel − I have a feeling what I’m about to say might be unpopular, because you do seem to have been very clear with her throughout the relationship, but sometimes,...

And your actions clearly made her feel like things might change, because ultimately I think a lot of women would start to think that over time. Do I think you...

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But I think with open relationships it can reallllllyyyy only be an enthusiastic yes from both people. And by the way you describe it, you know it wasn’t the case....

I think you were comfortable with the compromise between y’all if it swung your direction. Now she wants to switch it, and all the sudden compromises don’t seem to be...

I don’t know, this is really more about reflection, like I said I think this is just understandable and complicated and probably predictable. Not an a__hole thing.

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[Reddit User] − ”I brought up that we should talk about adjusting our relationship rules a bit. ” What exactly were you looking to change? Because it seems one sided...

Others offered nuanced views, questioning both parties.

Actual_Sprinkles_291 − Honestly you both were stupid. You both expected the other guy to change. You were hoping she enjoyed and accepted the open relationship later on and her hoping...

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Lonely-Ad-8633 − you're NTA but you are an a__hole, if that makes sense.

Dragon-of-the-Coast − You're not wrong Walter, you're just an a__hole. You've been dating a year and you barely know who she is.

elidadagreat1 − She needs to find someone else. You're not a keeper for a monogamous woman. She needs to learn that good, great or even amazing s__ is sooo easy...

She offers trust, loyalty, personality, inner n outer beauty and monogamy. .. her kind of love is harder to find. There is a different man out there that will cherish...

A few users felt his stance was manipulative.

JustAnEmptyRoom − YTA i mean it def seems like you do care more about getting laid than your partner if that’s your priority, but that’s not what makes you the...

The whole “i love you and want to get you therapy to be okay with me fuckin other people” seems super manipulative, don’t be in a relationship with someone who...

This story highlights the importance of compatibility in relationships. The man’s commitment to an open relationship clashed with his girlfriend’s desire for monogamy. Their breakup, though painful, was honest. Clear communication and mutual agreement are vital in any relationship structure. Therapy might have helped earlier, but core differences persisted. How would you navigate a relationship with fundamentally different goals?

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