AITAH for telling my SIL I’m no longer helping them with their kids?

When does helping family cross the line into enabling? A 24-year-old woman faced this question after years of supporting her brother and sister-in-law with their kids. Despite her own job and bills, they expected her to drop everything to babysit or provide money. When they announced another pregnancy, she snapped. She refused to help further. Was she wrong to set this boundary?

Her brother and sister-in-law’s irresponsible choices strained family ties. They relied on relatives for housing, transportation, and childcare. Social media users weighed in, debating family obligations. The woman’s decision sparked a clash at a family gathering. This story explores the tension between personal boundaries and familial expectations.

‘AITAH for telling my SIL I’m no longer helping them with their kids?’

The story begins with the woman’s brother and sister-in-law’s chaotic life.

I (24F) have an older brother (33M) and his wife (32F) who I'll call John and Jill. Jill has an 8y/o from a one-night stand, and 2 kids with my...

So, John decided to start his own business after working as a mechanic for years, and most of the time quitting before having another job lined up, and Jill is...

Before their one year together, Jill told me that she stopped taking birth control without telling my brother because she was ready for his kids and ended up pregnant with...

Their reliance on family grew problematic.

To give some background, John has not kept a job longer than a year because of "bullying" and Jill just seems to think she is the best out there but...

They are renting from our brother Bill (34M), and are at least 3 months behind on rent, has been using Bill's truck and not paying either the monthly or the...

They even started talking about moving out of state even though they need a whole team of family to make it work. John is also the type of dad that...

Another pregnancy announcement pushed her to the edge.

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They now have B and decided to surprise everyone that they are PREGNANT. I'll be honest, when she told me, I looked her and John in the eye and said...

I immediately got irritated and told them that I wasn't going to have this conversation with them, and Jill ended up getting upset and going to cry in their car.

Their approach to family planning frustrated her.

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John refuses to get a vasectomy, Jill doesn't want to get her tubes tied, and they don't like the "feel" of condoms, so they literally just make a wish that...

They leaned heavily on her despite her own responsibilities.

When B was born, they asked me to help out of everyone because, and in John's own words. "You are the only one who doesn't have any responsibilities and can...

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Just because I'm single and living at home with my parents doesn't mean I have to help. I pay rent, I have a full-time job, and I have bills just...

She reached her limit and refused to help.

To be honest, I don't really like kids and pretty sure that I won't have any of my own. If I wanted to take care of kids at all times...

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I have bills of my own, and not to text or call me to ask if I can call off work to watch their kids, or give them money, or...

Her brother’s business added to their struggles.

EDIT: John is making enough to skate by monthly with his business, but isn’t making enough to pay off debts. He usually works 2-4 days a week depending on the...

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Her decision caused tension at a family gathering.

UPDATE: Not a big one, but yeah I’m so done. She has been telling people in the family that I’m a horrible person for how I reacted and is making...

A 24-year-old woman refused to continue helping her brother and sister-in-law with their children. Their reliance on family support, coupled with poor financial and family planning decisions, strained relationships. Her boundary-setting was a response to being overburdened. Family dynamics often create pressure to assist, but personal limits are crucial.

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The couple’s choice to forgo reliable birth control reflects impulsivity. Their expectation of constant help dismisses the woman’s own responsibilities. Her frustration is understandable, especially given their failure to repay debts. Setting boundaries protects her mental health. “Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships.” — Dr. Henry Cloud (psychologist), Boundaries, 1992.

She could communicate her limits calmly, explaining her need for personal time. Suggesting community resources, like parenting classes, might help the couple. Their reaction, including spreading negative rumors, shows resistance to accountability. Society often expects family to step in, but enabling poor choices can harm everyone. This situation prompts reflection on balancing family support with personal well-being.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Social media users strongly supported the woman’s decision to stop helping. They criticized her brother and sister-in-law’s irresponsibility and urged her to prioritize herself.

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Most users affirmed her right to say no. They called the couple’s behavior reckless.

MyFriendsCallMeEpic − NTA - not your monkeys not your circus

cthulularoo − NTA, I'm not calling off out of work to cover for my unemployed family. That's stupid.

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pixie-ann − NTA just because your brother and SIL are absolute fools making consistently terrible decisions does not mean you need to be sucked into their vortex of stupidity. Look...

ConvivialKat − NTA They've chosen this irresponsible life. It's theirs to live, not yours. I'm shocked everyone else in your family hasn't told them to eff off, as well. ETA...

InsertCleverName652 − NTA. There are plenty of other forms of birth control. If everyone keeps rescuing them, they will never figure out how to rescue themselves. They have a lot...

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Jovon35 − NTAH. Just make sure you hold firm to that boundary because people lithia Never learn their lesson and will take advantage of others endlessly.

Aggravating-Pin-8845 − They will never look after themselves while someone else keeps bailing them out. About time the learnt to sink or swim on their own

Sheisawholesituation − "If I wanted to take care of kids at all times for free, I would find a dude and have my own. " That is your answer and...

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You are not wrong, and you are NTA! Perhaps you could google some resources and send it to them if you have a few minutes to spare while you live...

Juls1016 − No, you did good. This is what those kind of people need: that the people who helps them let them alone, it’s the only way. NTA, you do...

Some users focused on the couple’s irresponsible parenting and financial decisions.

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MeFolly − Cervical cap, diaphragm, IUD, the pill, hormonal implants, tracking temperature and cervical mucous and Plan B. For G sake. Don’t stand in front of a display of lamps,...

Super_Reading2048 − NTA instead of giving them money (or your time) save up to move out or start the process of getting a new higher paying career. Focus on yourself...

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You probably want to move out soon. I hope I’m wrong but I’m betting soon they will need to move in with your parents just “for a couple of weeks....

SweetBekki − It's funny that john said you don't have any real responsibilities so there's no reason for you to help out when he's hasn't been able to hold a...

They keep popping out kids because they factor in the help they'll get from family instead of whether THEY could afford it or if THEY have the time to bring...

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No more helping them out. If they're really struggling then they can go to food bank or whatever. They need to be on their own and hopefully one of them...

[Reddit User] − NTA. Their children, their responsibility. .. And their irresponsibility. .. Stopping birth control without telling him? Wtf?

Others pointed out the couple’s reliance on family and lack of accountability.

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clearheaded01 − NTA But. .. with bro unemployed, why do they need you to help with the kids? ? Hes available, yes? ?

KitchenDismal9258 − NTA The kids are not your problem. They are Jill and John's problem. They are two parents that are not working so have plenty of time for the...

Absolutely take a very big step back. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty if they comment on you not helping. .. tell them that you will lets Jill and...

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They'll shut up very quickly. The issues that Jill and John may have will be CPS ones for neglecting their kids if they leave them without care. And again that...

Then there are other decisions to make and none of them need to involve you. Bill also needs to do something. If he owns the house and there is no...

And Bill also needs to remove the truck that they are driving unregistered. There will be some sort of accident and you already know that John and Jill will not...

Right now everyone is bailing them out and they continue to make the same choices. They haven't really had to face any real consequences.

They have no job income so Bill provides a house and car for 'free' because you can't get blood from a stone. You've been helping them. .. so they don't...

This story highlights the importance of setting boundaries with family. The woman’s refusal to continue helping her brother and sister-in-law was a stand for her own life. Their reliance on family enabled their irresponsibility. She deserves to prioritize her own goals. Community resources could support the couple instead. How would you handle a family member who expects constant help?

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