AITA for giving my child the same name as my friends stillborn baby?

How would you handle a friend’s grief clashing with your personal choices? A 26-year-old pregnant woman chose the name Adelaide for her unborn daughter, a name she loved since childhood. Her close friend, who suffered a stillbirth two years ago, grew distant and later revealed she had chosen the same name for her lost baby. The friend asked her to change the name, sparking tension.

The situation left both women at odds. Social media users debated the balance between personal freedom and sensitivity to grief. Some supported the woman’s right to choose, while others empathized with her friend’s pain. The conflict raises questions about navigating loss within friendships.

‘AITA for giving my child the same name as my friends stillborn baby?’

The story begins with a pregnant woman sharing her chosen baby name.

I (26F) am currently 7 months pregnant and a few weeks ago we found out that we were having a little girl. My husband (28M) and I had already decided...

and upon finding out that she was going to be a girl, we announced that we would name her Adelaide. I first heard of this name when I was a...

The woman’s friend starts acting differently, hinting at underlying tension.

After hearing this, one of my friends (27F), who I have been close with since we were at University, began acting distant towards us. Throughout my pregnancy I have tried...

Two years ago, she tragically lost her baby girl to a stillbirth. I can’t even begin to imagine how heartbreaking this must have been for her and I made sure...

The friend reveals the source of her distress, escalating the conflict.

A couple of weeks later, she confronted us, suggesting we change the name of our baby, to which we rebuffed. She kept on trying to convince us, suggesting different names,

or saying that Adelaide was too old-fashioned or that it wouldn’t suite our child. We kept on denying to change her name, until eventually my friend started crying and revealed...

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The friend explains her pain, but the woman stands firm on her decision.

When she was pregnant, she refused to tell anyone her baby’s name, as she wanted it to be a surprise for when she was born. After the stillbirth, she decided...

Until recently, no one knew what her baby was going to be called. She claims that, by keeping our name, we are disrespecting the memory of her baby. She said...

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A pregnant woman’s choice to name her daughter Adelaide sparked conflict with a friend who lost a stillborn baby named the same. The friend’s grief, still raw after two years, fuels her request to change the name. The woman’s decision to keep the name reflects her personal attachment to it, chosen independently long ago.

The friend’s pain is valid, as the name likely triggers memories of her loss. Grief can make certain triggers, like names, deeply personal. The woman’s stance prioritizes her autonomy but risks straining the friendship.Psychologist Dr. Alan Wolfelt emphasizes sensitivity in grief-related conflicts. “Grief requires compassion, not control, from those around us.” — Alan Wolfelt (PhD), Center for Loss, 2020.

A compromise, like using a nickname or middle name, might ease tension. Therapy could help the friend process her grief and reduce the name’s emotional weight. Both women need open, empathetic communication to navigate this. The situation highlights the challenge of balancing personal choices with a friend’s trauma. Ultimately, the resolution depends on their willingness to prioritize their friendship over individual stances.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Social media users offered varied perspectives on the woman’s decision to keep her baby’s name. Most supported her right to choose, while others showed empathy for her friend’s grief.

Many users felt the woman was not wrong for choosing a name she loved.

turn_down_for_sqWAT − NTA. 1) you chose it first 2) no one knew about her choice 3) SHE DOESN'T OWN THE NAME 4) she needs therapy

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MennionSaysSo − NTA. But this is why you tell no one a baby's name til its born. Kinda personal choice to keep it or change it though, possible you lose...

mynameisnotsparta − NTA - you chose Thai name and she never told anyone the name so how she can expect you to know

hardpassyo − first heard of this name when I was a kid and thought it was beautiful, and decided that if I ever had a daughter, I would name her...

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Salty_Confidence1880 − NTA. Your friend needs therapy. 2 years later and gate keeping a name? She needs help with this as it is traumatic for her but she cant gatekeep...

Mustng1966 − NTA - Your baby, your right to name it whatever you want. Though sad for your friend, you didn't know beforehand, but that doesn't matter at all anyway....

[Reddit User] − NTA. You didn't know she was going to use that name. She could have told everyone after the baby was stillborn but you and your husband came...

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but if you do name your child that be prepared to loose your friend. It might just be to much for her to handle with her wanting to use the...

Mosquitobait56 − NTA By keeping the name you aren’t disrespecting anybody. You didn’t even know the name. You and your spouse chose it independently.

I would distance yourself from her. She needs therapy. Adelaide is an upcoming name. There will be a lot of them soon. She needs to learn to deal with that.

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Some users saw both sides, acknowledging the friend’s grief and the woman’s rights.

No-Brother-6705 − No AHs here. I would probably pick a different name.

No_Hippo_1472 − I have to go with NAH. She doesn’t own the name, but I understand her grief. It’s ultimately your choice—you say you’ve had this name picked out for...

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But do understand that your friend will likely choose not to be in your life anymore. Is that the healthy reaction? Probably not, and I’m sure therapy would be very...

I agree that you shouldn’t be burdened by someone else’s trauma, but when we form relationships, we choose to invite people—and their struggles—into our lives. You wouldn’t be an AH...

jdessy − This is tough because obviously you had no idea of the name she picked out for her daughter, but two years has to be still pretty fresh for...

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You're not the a__hole, but I don’t really think she's one either. It's hard, because she's asking you directly to pick a different name which could make her an a__hole,

but a stillbirth that was only two years prior is still fresh and she's not wrong in voicing that she'll just be reminded of her daughter every time she hears...

Obviously, this is something she can come across at any point in her life with someone with that name, but I do think it's much harder when it's someone you're...

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I think I'm gonna go with NAH because in some situations, asking someone to change the name of their child would be an a__hole move. But grief, especially when her...

Obviously, it is ultimately your choice whether keeping the name is worth potentially losing a friend. Is the name as important as your friend? That's only for you to decide.

You obviously feel like her trauma shouldn't overshadow your choice to name your child Adelaide, and you obviously had no idea beforehand but I would definitely take some time and...

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If the answer is that it IS still important to you, then use it, but expect that the relationship with your friend will likely deteriorate. There's always reasons for parents...

You need to decide whether this is one of those times (you love the name, but you don’t want to hurt your friend by using the name because it IS...

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(which, again, is fully your choice and there is no wrong answer, in this case; you are entitled to name your child whatever name you and your husband have agreed...

Do what you feel is best, but just take some time to really think about how important Adelaide is as a name and how important your friend is to you.

Former_Expression_94 − This is a hard one…I think NTA and N A H i would feel differently if she had told you the name from the beginning but she didn’t…which...

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If you can find another name you love that would be a very kind thing to do but I don’t personally feel you’re disrespecting anything since she did not tell...

there was always going to be a chance of this happening. If she had told the name then I’d say Y T A but again since she didn’t this was...

A few users speculated about the friend’s intentions and timing.

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FiberKitty − Something feels odd about your friend's reaction and the timing and all. She tried to talk you out of the name by saying it was too old fashioned,...

Is it perhaps a name that she, like you, has always wanted for a child of hers and she didn't reveal it because she wanted to use it for a...

Or is it a name that she loved as soon as she heard you say it, and when trying to discredit the name didn't work, she turned on the waterworks...

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It's possible for there to be two Adelaides in a friend group, if she wanted to use the name for a baby of her own. Needing to control her friends'...

Maybe offer to talk it over with her with mediation from a neutral counselor or therapist. You'll both likely learn something.

This situation underscores the delicate balance between personal choices and empathy for a friend’s grief. The woman’s right to name her child is clear, but her friend’s pain is real. A conversation with mutual understanding could help preserve their friendship. Choosing a name is personal, yet relationships require compromise. How would you navigate a friend’s emotional trauma conflicting with your decisions?

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