AITA for telling my SIL to not buy the same shampoo as me and causing a scene at dinner?

What happens when someone’s constant copying pushes you to the breaking point? A 32-year-old woman faced this with her sister-in-law, who mimicked her every move for years. From clothes to hair color to home decor, the sister-in-law replicated it all. The final straw came over a bottle of shampoo. During a family dinner, frustration boiled over into a public confrontation.

The woman’s outburst shocked her husband and his sister. Living just blocks apart, their families are intertwined, making the situation trickier. Social media users debated whether her reaction was justified or an overstep. The saga raises questions about handling obsessive behavior in close relationships.

‘AITA for telling my SIL to not buy the same shampoo as me and causing a scene at dinner?’

The woman noticed her sister-in-law’s unusual behavior early on.

I feel like an insane person. I had to make a new Reddit here because I know my SIL follows me on Reddit. My (32f) SIL (29f) is obssesed with...

She asks me where I got a certain piece of clothes or jewelry then buys the exact same ones. If I dye my hair, she dyes her hair THE SAME...

The copying extended to personal choices, raising suspicions.

I got a new hair stylist and tagged her (quick edit, I meant I tagged the stylist NOT my sil) on Instagram, a few months later I visit her again...

I posted a photo of my room a month ago, the next time I visit her place she had the SAME SHEETS. She says she had them for ages and...

Sometimes I’ll run into her at the grocery store and she’ll ask what I’m picking up and if I tell her she says “oh how funny me too!” And buy...

Family ties made avoiding the issue difficult.

I wish I didn’t have to see her but the kicker is our husbands are best friends/business partners, and they live 2 blocks away from us. I’ve brought this up...

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and says it’s all coincidence or she just says she thinks I have such good taste that she can’t help it but promises she’ll stop and never does My husband...

The shampoo incident pushed her to confront the issue publicly.

The other day she asked me what shampoo I use and I refused to tell her because I knew she was going to buy it, but she started crying and...

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Yesterday we went over to their place for dinner and I used the washroom and decided to check my suspicions so I looked in the tub and saw she had...

I was so frustrated that I brought it to the bottle to table and in front of our husbands told her that she is Not Allowed to buy the same...

Obviously my husband said I embarrassed him and she started crying and we left. I may have over reacted but this situation is making me crazy!! My friends who know...

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She discovered her sister-in-law was secretly monitoring her online.

ETA I forgot to mention something important. I have her blocked on Instagram and my account is private but I know she has a secret account to follow me because...

(like I went to the beach and didn’t tell her the next time we hung out she asked if I had a nice time at the beach, I asked my...

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The woman’s sister-in-law repeatedly copied her choices, from clothing to shampoo. This behavior, spanning years, frustrated her deeply. The shampoo incident was the tipping point, leading to a public outburst. Her reaction stemmed from feeling her boundaries were violated. This situation highlights the importance of personal autonomy in close relationships.

Copying can feel like flattery at first. Over time, it becomes invasive. The sister-in-law’s actions, including using a secret Instagram account, suggest an unhealthy fixation. This crosses into stalking behavior, which erodes personal space. The woman’s husband downplayed the issue, calling it harmless.

This dismissal likely heightened her frustration. “Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships,” says Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, therapist, Psychology Today, 2020 . The sister-in-law ignored requests to stop. Her tears during confrontations may deflect accountability. The woman’s threat to cut contact was an attempt to reclaim control.

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The husband’s loyalty to his sister complicates matters. Family ties can make boundary-setting challenging. The woman’s outburst, while intense, reflected years of pent-up irritation. A calmer approach might have de-escalated the situation, but her feelings were valid.

To address this, the woman could set firmer boundaries, like limiting shared personal details. Couples therapy might help her husband understand the impact. The sister-in-law may need professional help to address her behavior. This situation raises questions about handling obsessive family members. How do you maintain boundaries when someone mimics your life? The answer depends on clear communication and mutual respect.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Social media users were vocal about the woman’s situation. Most supported her, seeing the sister-in-law’s behavior as obsessive and invasive. Others shared strategies or personal stories, highlighting the seriousness of the issue.

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Many users felt the sister-in-law’s actions were a form of stalking.

SlammyWhammies − I think you need to bring up with your husband that this isn't simply a copy cat issue, because it's not. *It's a boundary issue. It's an obsession...

*** You're setting boundaries, aka, "stop copying everything you see on social media and in person about me" and she is in this case PROMISING not to do what you...

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Blocking her is also a boundary, one she is breaking by creating new accounts to follow you (how are people not seeing the MASSIVE red flag there? ). You are...

I think people who have not been copied to this level don't quite understand. It's not that they're "taking your ideas" or just "like your taste". It isn't any ONE...

One or two drips is fine, normal even, but when it becomes constant, you realize it is a leak. It begins to feel almost like this person is stalking you....

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SIL is making it clear that no action can escape her notice. But because SIL is copying instead of "simply observing", it's hard to see the unsettlingly invasive forest through...

Her behavior seems almost compulsory to her, and I've already typed this word a lot but I'll do it again: OBSESSIVE. I'll ask this, if a man you'd never met...

Would he still dismiss the actions as "harmless"? Would he demand you apologize to this stranger for confronting them? Hell, even if a woman you didn't know did this, would...

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The answer to those questions should not change just because the behavior is being done by his sister. It's not healthy. It's not normal. It's not SAFE. It's an i__asion...

ETA: a lot of the people in this very sub are still missing the severity of these actions and treating this like a case of school kids crying copy cat,...

As someone who has been stalked multiple times, this post is COVERED in classic behaviors of stalking. It was genuinely unsettling to read, and has been for many other victims...

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This is not SAFE behavior to be around. It is not at all uncommon for them to cry out they "just like these things too" or "have similar taste", it's...

I, frankly, don't care if the shampoo thing was over the top or not. SIL is crossing boundaries in ways that tend to escalate, and something needs to be done...

I just want to add one more thing to OP if she's reading this still: PLEASE do not listen to the advice of "just do something crazy and see if...

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This isn't a game of "how can I get her to stop copying me haha so funny" this is a matter of your emotional and physical safety. Going NC is...

And to be clear **your husband has to be on board with this. Going NC doesn't mean jack-all-s__t if hubby is letting her know what salon you're going to now...

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I know reconciling how he sees his sister with the fact she is also actively stalking you will be difficult, but he has to or nothing will change. If your...

cris_marny − NTA I do NOT see this copying as benign. It is a form of harassment. It means you are being observed and studied all the time. It has...

You can't make any choices without them being deliberately copied. It inhibits yoir self expression. It is stressful and crazy making. I am sorry that this is happening to you.

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Perhaps a therapist can help you find healthy ways to (1) cope with the problem including how you choose to address it and (2) help you find the words to...

Proud_Drawing5898 − NTA everyone voting Y T A is not considering the fact that the shampoo was just the straw that broke the camels back. I’m sure if she was...

Also, based on what you have said it doesn’t even sound like she wanted the name of shampoo because of hair benefits she just wanted to have the same shampoo....

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Some suggested practical solutions to test or address the behavior.

7xbt78gg − NTA. Tell her you're in therapy, hopefully she copies you and gets some real help.

Traveling-Techie − NTA - get a temporary tattoo and tell her it’s permanent

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Bubbly_Satisfaction2 − NTA. But I am biased because I had gone through the same thing, when I was younger (from 16 to 26). It was a former friend-of-a-friend-turned-BFF. Like you,...

It was until a relative (a cousin, who lived in a different state, but was visiting) pointed it out. She was the one, who came up with the way I...

Her friends suggested what kind of tattoo (the Adinkra symbol) and the location (on the top of my left foot, because "it is one of the most painful spots to...

To make it more believeable, the top of my foot was smacked a couple of times, in order to reddened the skin. Hours later, my "fresh, new tattoo" was revealed...

The temporary tat was gone by then. Guess who looked like she had shitted a brick after I told her about the fake tattoo? I received a long text thread...

To be a huge b__ch, I ended up forwarding the text thread to another BFF, who was very shocked. "Single, White Female" ended up ghosting us all afterwards.

Others urged cutting contact or addressing the issue with therapy.

Scotsgit73 − NTA. She starts crying because you won't tell her what brand of shampoo you use? She is someone you need to get away from, she sounds like she's...

Suggest to your husband that you'd like to be excluded from future events where he and his friend meet up. If that doesn’t work, just drop all contact with her,...

[Reddit User] − Not the a__hole. But I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. I think you need to have an intervention with your husband. Either with a therapist...

This woman is disturbed and in a weird scary way and unless the people around you acknowledge that you continue to feel out of balance and crazy. And people might...

Lovemyblklab − Imagine having children. Will SIL want to get pregnant just because OP did. Then if the children happen to be the same s__. OPs would be older so...

Clothes, schools, sports, how much pressure would be on SILs kid and how much competition would there be? To me that would be a very good reason to stop this...

It is dangerous and SIL needs therapy to understand why she is acting this way. If I was OPs husband I would be telling my sister to back off and...

A few users made light of the situation with humorous suggestions.

RoyallyOakie − You should have told her Nair.

This story reveals the toll of relentless copying on personal boundaries. The woman’s outburst over the shampoo was fueled by years of frustration. Her sister-in-law’s behavior, from mimicking purchases to secret social media accounts, crossed into obsession. It’s a reminder to respect others’ individuality. Therapy or clear boundaries could help.

Have you ever dealt with someone copying your every move? How would you handle a family member who won’t respect your space?

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