AITA for telling my roommate my stripper pole is staying in the living room?

What happens when a shared living space becomes a battleground? A 20-year-old woman installed a pole dancing pole in her apartment’s empty living room with her roommates’ approval. Months later, after adding a couch and TV, one roommate demanded the pole’s removal for a “cozy nook.” Her refusal sparked drama, including a complaint to the landlord. Was she wrong to stand her ground?

Living with roommates tests compromise. The pole, initially welcomed, became a point of contention. The roommate’s escalation to the rental company feels like a betrayal. This story explores the clash between personal hobbies and shared spaces. It raises questions about fairness and communication in group living. Readers may relate to navigating similar household disputes.

‘AITA for telling my roommate my stripper pole is staying in the living room?’

The story begins with the pole’s installation in an empty room.

A few months ago, I (F20) decided I wanted to take up pole dancing. I told my roommates Amanda (F20) and Holly (F26) that I was thinking of getting one...

The living room starts to take shape.

A little while later, since nobody else was getting furniture, I got a couch off Facebook Marketplace. Holly also got a TV for the living room..

Tensions rise over the pole’s location.

Right after we got the TV, Holly demanded that we move the pole out of the backside of the living room so that the TV and couch could fit in...

I was confused by her request because the couch was already placed close to the centre of the living room and there was an outlet available for the TV to...

The woman explains her stance.

I asked Holly why she wanted to move it into the corner, and she said because she wants a "cozy little nook." I told her that the pole is quite...

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the new spot she suggested would have me slightly in the way of the hallway, and I couldn’t tell if there was a stud where she wants to move it...

The conflict escalates dramatically.

and the couch can stay where it is on the other side of the living room. partly because I own the couch, and since she simply asked me, I'm allowed...

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She didn’t respond well to this; she contacted our rental company and told them that we had an "unauthorised stripper pole" in our unit that no one agreed to. An...

I was obviously pissed she snitched on me, so I told Holly if she still wants her "cozy little nook," she can get her own couch. I'm restricting her from...

The woman’s refusal to move her pole dancing pole sparked a roommate conflict. She had initial approval for the pole in an empty living room. Holly’s demand to relocate it for a “cozy nook” ignored practical concerns. The woman’s reasons—difficulty moving the pole and space constraints—were valid. Holly’s escalation to the landlord was disproportionate.

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Shared spaces require compromise. The woman contributed the couch, enhancing the room’s functionality. Holly’s focus on aesthetics over practicality strained their dynamic. The landlord complaint suggests a lack of communication. Both could have negotiated better. The woman’s ban on couch use was reactive but understandable.“Effective roommate relationships rely on open communication and mutual respect.” — Dr. Irene S. Levine, Psychologist, 2019.

A group discussion could help. All roommates, including Amanda, should weigh in. Exploring alternative pole locations, like the woman’s room, might work. Holly could apologize for involving the landlord. Clear house rules would prevent future disputes. This situation highlights the need for flexibility in shared living. It prompts reflection on balancing personal hobbies with group harmony.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Social media users offered varied takes on this roommate dispute. The debate centered on shared space etiquette and communication. Some users backed the woman’s stance, emphasizing Holly’s actions.

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NoWonder1999 − NTA Jesus Christ what is wrong with these comments. You literally expressly asked your roommates if you could install one, they said yes, your roommate wanted it moved...

and when you reasonably said no and pointed out the issues, she tattled to your landlord because she couldn’t get her way not because she actually cared about the landlord...

Friendly_Shelter_625 − NTA You asked and they said yes. It’s ok for them to change their minds, but it sounds like only one of them objected and it wasn’t for...

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There should have been a discussion with all of the roommates to see if anyone else objected. And she certainly shouldn’t have gone to the landlord without talking to the...

[Reddit User] − I think NTA. You asked permission and she said yes. Why does she get to dictate the setup of the living room for a couch she didn’t...

Immortal-Pumpkin − Going against the grain here nta you asked they gave permission the living room of as you described sounds perfectly usable with a pole in the back corner.

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As well as you mentioning it needs studs to be attached. The only thing I would reccomend is there no way it can but in your room? Also what do...

[Reddit User] − she wouldn’t even have a “cozy little nook” if you didn’t acquire your couch. 🙄

Others felt the pole was inappropriate for a shared space.

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KronkLaSworda − YTA Yes, you had permission at first; however, as people get settled in, you need to accept changes.

You don't get to permanently h__ the common area with your exercise equipment. Put that in your room where it belongs. It would be like putting an exercise bike or...

[Reddit User] − I’m guessing keeping the pole in your room wasn’t an option? YTA. It’s not a bachelor pad it’s people’s homes.

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lihzee − YTA. You likely should never have installed the pole in the first place. Get over yourself.

Mother_of_Peacocks − YTA and it sounds like you're trying to justify by qualifying that "you bought the couch". I have a feeling your roommates have a different view of the...

Adventurous-Bee-1517 − YTA. You didn’t need your roommates permission to install the pole, you needed your landlords. I’m guessing you’ll be out of this situation at lease end so you...

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Throwra98787564 − YTA. Permission for your exercise equipment in the common area was revoked. As a common area, how it's used must be agreed upon by everybody on an ongoing...

If you store your personal couch (one that isn't allowed to be used by others) in the common area, you would be continuing to be an AH.

PlateNo7021 − YTA, it seems that you didn't get proper authorization to install the pole to begin with.

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Some users saw fault on both sides or sought more details.

JMarie113 − ESH. You are both being selfish and immature. Sounds like you guys have some growing up to do.

Bold_Phoenix − ESH. You're TA because you are unwilling to compromise in a shared living space. The pole was okay in the living room until you got furniture, now you...

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so it makes sense for your roommate(s) to want to use the living room for its intended purpose. Your roommate is TA because she went to property management instead of...

mittensonmykittens − INFO: how big is this living room? I feel like I need to see a floorplan to see how you can fit a pole in a corner, and...

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But imo it's like, is it kinda weird to have a stripper pole in the living room? Yes. But no one objected at the time, and if there is still...

Not exactly the most standard living room set up, but this sounds like a college apartment situation and they tend to be a bit "creatively decorated" so meh. And snitching...

This story reveals the challenges of shared living. The woman’s pole, initially approved, became a source of conflict when priorities shifted. Holly’s landlord complaint escalated tensions unnecessarily. Both could have communicated better. Compromise is key in roommate dynamics. A group discussion might resolve the issue. How would you balance personal hobbies with shared space needs in a similar situation?

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