AITA for keeping my daughter away from my sister in law?

What would you do if you returned to your child’s life after years apart, only to find they’ve bonded deeply with someone else? A mother faced this reality when her daughter, now four, called her sister-in-law her favorite person. After personal struggles and time apart, the mother is fighting to rebuild her family. She attends sobriety groups and parenting classes. Yet, her sister-in-law’s close relationship with her daughter feels like a roadblock. Tensions rose during a special mother-daughter moment that didn’t go as planned.

The mother decided to limit her daughter’s contact with her sister-in-law. She believes this will help her daughter bond with her. Her husband disagrees, calling her selfish. The situation has sparked heated debates online. People question whether the mother’s approach is fair to her daughter. The story raises questions about family dynamics and rebuilding trust. How does a parent reclaim their role without disrupting a child’s sense of security? The community’s responses offer a range of perspectives on this emotional dilemma.

‘AITA for keeping my daughter away from my sister in law?’

The story begins with the mother reflecting on her challenging past with her husband and daughter.

During the first four-ish years of my daughter's life my husband and I had many fights and struggles. At one point he was living with my daughter and his brother...

The mother describes her efforts to rebuild her family and the tension caused by her sister-in-law’s role.

Covid opened my eyes and my husband and I have healed a lot and I am repairing my relationship with him and my daughter. I attend sobriety groups and parenting...

However he continously brings my daughter to visit his brother and her wife. If you ask my daughter she'll say her favorite person is her aunt. My daughter can't help...

She is always calling my daughter "my baby", taking her on outings, etc. She will FaceTime my husband just to speak to my daughter. She seems to not want to...

A pivotal moment during her daughter’s birthday highlights the mother’s struggle to connect.

A few weeks ago I took my daughter to get her ears pierced for her birthday. This was supposed to be a special moment for us, it was the same...

She didn't want to do if without my sister in law there. At this point I decided to put my foot down. I have been trying to decrease the visits...

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I try to explain my daughter needs to spend time with us as a family without outside influences, and she needs to bond with her mother without being confused. He...

I don't see how it's selfish to want to repair my relationship with my child. He says that is is unfair to my daughter, and I explained yes it is...

The mother expresses frustration over her husband’s resistance and her perceived role as the villain.

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I have worked so hard to get my family back, meanwhile my husband will not even give me an inch. It's frustrating that I am always made out to be...

The mother seeks to rebuild her bond with her daughter. Her absence during her daughter’s early years created a gap. The sister-in-law filled this gap, becoming a trusted figure. The mother’s decision to limit their contact stems from a desire to reclaim her role. This approach risks alienating her daughter. Children need stable, trusted relationships for emotional security.

Forcing a bond by restricting other relationships can backfire. The daughter’s panic during the ear-piercing incident shows her reliance on her aunt. The mother’s sobriety and parenting efforts are commendable. Yet, her focus on control may harm her daughter’s trust. A gradual approach would be more effective.

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“Children thrive with multiple supportive adults in their lives.” — Dr. Laura Markham (Psychologist), Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, 2012.

Building trust requires patience. The mother could involve the sister-in-law in shared activities. This shows her daughter that love is not a competition. The husband’s resistance reflects concern for the daughter’s well-being. Social media often debates parental rights versus a child’s needs. Some argue the mother deserves a chance. Others prioritize the daughter’s stability.

The situation highlights the complexity of rebuilding family ties. It forces reflection on balancing personal redemption with a child’s emotional needs. Ultimately, the path forward depends on the mother’s willingness to prioritize her daughter’s comfort.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The social media community offered varied perspectives on the mother’s actions. Many criticized her approach, emphasizing the daughter’s need for trusted relationships. Others shared personal experiences, urging patience and empathy. The comments reflect a divide between supporting the mother’s intentions and prioritizing the daughter’s emotional well-being.

The person who thinks the mother is wrong:

[Reddit User] − YTA You’re not trying to repair anything. You’re trying to hold your daughter hostage so you can feel like a mommy, without actually having to put in...

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Your daughter refused to do something scary & painful without the adult she trusts not to abandon her. Let that sink in. You don’t win your daughter’s trust by stripping...

YTA Signal-Database1739 − He says that is is unfair to my daughter, and I explained yes it is but he is making it a thousand times worse by not ripping...

YTA ETA my lower comment People can love multiple people, you know. .. There's no limit on how many people one can love. But forcing someone out of your daughter's...

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You have so much time to heal your daughter. .. You missed too much of her life and she found a safe heaven in her father, uncle and aunt. I...

You act like you don't even try to bond with her. You came back into her life and expect that this would automatically give you full access to her heart....

Banning the people who love her is the first step in the wrong direction - losing your daughter for ever. Instead embrace that love that surounds your daughter.

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I think a good solution would be to actually spend time with both of them, play dates, where your daughter can see that there's nothing wrong with her feelings -...

Right now she's not because you truely care only about what you want and what you feel instead of what she wants and what she feels. There's so much bonding...

very small stuff you could do for your daughter (not for you) - brush her hair, sing her songs, watching cartoons, playing together with her toys, reading her stories, looking...

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There's a long list with things that you can do. .. And you ignore everything. .. It's so sad. .. You should start therapy for you - you really need...

Between the 2 of you, you are the one who made mistakes. You are the adult. You are the one who must repent, rebuild. That is - if you really...

Lo_tessa − YTA. Your husband is right: you're selfish. Your relationship with your daughter can't be forced by keeping her away from people she loves.

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CRichardDavies − "I have worked so hard, meanwhile I am not being rewarded as I think that I am entitled to be. It's frustrating that other people act as though...

ThrowRAtorrentgirl − Limiting your daughter's relationship with you SIL is not the right way to "fix" your relationship with her. It's not their fault to bond when you were not...

Sorry but you sound like you're jelous of not having what they have with your daughter. Take the responsibility of your actions in the past that led to this. YTA

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PointingOutAssholes − It's frustrating that I am always made out to be the bad guy when all I want is to fix things. Let’s get something straight. You were gone...

There is no “always“ on your part in this situation except for being absent. God damn you’re self centered and self victimizing. Also, your daughter isn‘t your property.

of COURSE she bonded with someone else while you were failing as a parent, kids bond with people who are there for them and don’t deliberate do things to hurt...

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YTA. potassiumcat1 − Yta Op, congratulations for changing your life around. Please try to work on your relationship with your daughter not breaking the one she has with her aunty.

She will come around to you if you treat her right but don't force her to bond with you straight away. Respect her boundaries you shouldn't of made her get...

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She is use to not having you around it's going to take time. Best to do gentle supportive parenting and show her your no threat to her relationship to her...

Jocelyn-1973 − YTA. You don't make yourself prettier by making the others uglier. You don't make yourself a better sportsperson by crippling the competition.

And you don't make your relationship with your daughter better by forbidding her to have a relationship with the person who was there for her during her formative years.

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Gilly2878 − YTA - you lost a big chunk of time with your daughter due to your own addiction, I presume, given that you are struggling with sobriety now, and...

Your daughter deserves to have family in her life, regardless of your own insecurities. If you want to be held in higher regard in her life, then you need to...

Refusing her access to her aunt will not endear you to her- it will just reinforce any abandonment issues she has already because of you. You don’t say what all...

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murph364 − YTA secure adults are always of value in a child’s life. Don’t ruin her relationship with one because of your insecurities.

cassowary32 − YTA. Your daughter isn't confused. She knows who has her best interest at heart. Go back to your parenting classes. Your daughter needs more people she can trust...

pinkie18 − YTA - she’s bonded to the SIL bc the SIL was helping to raise her when you weren’t . Now that you’ve opened your eyes you want to...

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You are basically a stranger. Stop trying to take her safe people away from her. Get into therapy and work out your own issues and how you can be a...

I’m glad you’re clean now and I hope you stay that way. Stop blaming others and punishing them for situations you helped cause. She’s 4yo she’s not going to understand...

One person shares personal experience and advice:

[Reddit User] − I’ll bite and probably get a lot of dislike over this. I abandoned my son and husband. Because of severe mental health issues, I was not able...

I’ve finally gotten the help I needed. Therapy, medicine, support, etc. and been back in my son’s life for 2 years. It has taken 2 years for him to say...

Two years for him to trust me enough to feel safe. And I have worked f__king hard for every minute of it. His memaw stepped in a lot while I...

She was his mommy for a while when I couldn’t be here. DO NOT TAKE THE PEOPLE SHE FEELS SAFE WITH AWAY FROM HER. Edit: YTA if you don’t give...

The one thing that runs through my head constantly when I feel like I’m doing a s__t job is “just show up”. Edit 2: I’m in tears. Thank you so...

Coming back and facing my consequences changed my life even further. Every day is a fight and every day I find yet another part of me that I need to...

My son does have trauma. We will break the generational trauma. He is in therapy, every week. I am in constant contact with the nurse and school counselor. He has...

Một người yêu cầu thêm thông tin:

bob_fakename − Info; why were you away from your daughter for two years?

One sympathizer, yet still critical:

psamedi − YTA. I reckon it's frustrating to behave well but not seeing the recognition you want from your family. However you must think at the scars you left on...

Not you, but your husband's family. Acknowledge their importance in your family's life, especially your baby's.

The community largely urged the mother to prioritize her daughter’s emotional needs. Support for her intentions existed, but most emphasized patience and inclusion over restriction.

The mother’s journey to rebuild her family is inspiring yet complex. Restricting her daughter’s bond with her aunt may deepen trust issues. Patience and inclusion could pave the way forward. How would you balance rebuilding a parental bond while respecting a child’s existing relationships?

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