AITA for ratting out my mum to a nurse and not relaxing after surgery?

What would you do if a family member promised help during a critical time but failed to deliver? A young mother, recovering from painful breast reduction surgery, relied on her mother to care for her 17-month-old daughter, only to face empty promises.

This story highlights the frustration of unmet expectations. The young mother had to manage on her own, leading to serious health consequences. Was she wrong to tell the nurse the truth about her mother’s lack of help? Let’s explore the details of this challenging situation and see what the online community thinks.

‘AITA for ratting out my mum to a nurse and not relaxing after surgery?’

The story begins with the young mother’s surgery and living situation.

I've just had b__ast reduction surgery a week ago. I went from a J down to a C cup, I had to have my nipples cut off - iced and...

I have a 17 month old (her dad isn't in the picture) and i moved in with my parents because they said they would help me. Well my mum did.

Conflict arises when her mother fails to help with childcare.

I obviously can't bend down and shouldn't be picking my toddler up. My mum has been annoying me SO much lately. When my daughter poops my mum says she will...

I say ok, and wait with the wipes out, a nappy bag and a new nappy ready. After a few minutes I go and see whats taking so long only...

I reminded her that my daughter needed changing and she said she 'was going to sort it right out'. I went back upstairs and after 15 more minutes and my...

Her mother’s actions lead to unfair consequences for the daughter.

My mum got annoyed and said she was just about to do it, even though she was now re-loading the dishwasher. My daughter had been left in a poppy nappy...

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Poor little soul! This isn't the first time this has happened. She says she will do something and then goes off and does something completely pointless and I end up...

The situation escalates when she returns to the hospital.

Surprise surprise I have popped a few stitches and had to go back. The nurse asked what I've been doing and I was honest and told her, she said I'm...

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My mum had come and picked me up from there when I had it done and said she would help to the nurses, etc. I was honest again and said...

The nurse wasn't pleased at all and had a conversation with my mum after I left. Now my mum is in a mood with me and said I'm making her...

She confronts her mother and provides context about the surgery.

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I asked her if she would have liked to have been left in her own sh*t for 20 minutes with it all going up her back and not being able...

Edit: I got my surgery now because it was really hurting my back and making my shoulders bent in! My doctor suggested having it now and I said I'll wait...

Can a promise to help become the source of family conflict? This story reveals the disappointment of unfulfilled support. The young mother needed her mother’s help to recover from surgery. Instead, her mother’s broken promises forced her to act, harming her health.

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Another perspective suggests the mother may struggle with task prioritization. Psychologist Dr. Russell Barkley notes: “People with focus difficulties often struggle to prioritize urgent tasks.” — Russell Barkley (PhD, Psychology), ADHD Center, 2020. The mother’s focus on chores like dishwashing over changing a diaper may stem from distraction or lack of urgency awareness. This does not lessen her responsibility, especially after pushing for the surgery with promises of support.

Such situations are common in families. Many struggle to rely on loved ones during vulnerable times like post-surgery recovery. The mother’s dismissal of the issue as “dramatic” highlights a lack of open communication. This can heighten tension between them.

The long-term impact could strain their relationship. Unresolved frustration may erode trust. This story prompts reflection on setting clear expectations in families, especially when health and young children are involved. How can both sides understand and respect each other’s needs?

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The online community actively discussed this situation. Most agree the young mother was right to tell the nurse the truth, emphasizing that childcare must take priority over other tasks.

Many support her, arguing her mother was irresponsible.

mmiggs − NTA Had the dishwasher also defecated in its diaper? There's an order of priorities here, and "human sitting in s__t" takes priority over "dishwasher contains dishes".

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Ok-Arachnid-890 − NTA your mom is making excuses and you're not being dramatic. Also when it comes to the baby that takes priority not some other random s__t. You did...

journeyintopressure − NTA. Your mom was not about to do it. She would have left the baby stinking and in a terrible situation for longer. I think it says a...

Some suggest the mother may have focus issues.

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faygoFluent − NTA. ‘Just about to do it’ is just about the laziest lie in the book, and when your mom is calling you dramatic its probably because that’s easier...

But apart from that, this very much reads like someone who has an issue with hyperfocusing and not prioritizing tasks. If you want ways to fix that that dont lead...

So rather than saying “mom, (daughter) needs to be changed, can you help” try “I need to get (daughter) here now, can you help me? ” And wait in her...

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MHIH9C − NTA - Your mom sounds like she might have some sort of mental health issues that she's unable to focus on a single task. I'm sorry that your...

Professional-Two-403 − NTA but your mom may have ADHD or something

Others highlight the importance of the promise and health.

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iAmHopelessCom − NTA. She offered her help. She pushed you to do the surgery at this moment of time because she promised to help. If she didn't assure you that...

It's on her. If she looks bad to the nurses, is because she is being negligent with both her own daughter's and granddaughter's health.

awfulmcnofilter − NTA. Your mom isn't holding up her side of the agreement. Your baby needing a diaper change is more important and time sensitive than other chores. On a...

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That sounds like such a relief. I'm a G cup and it just hurts all the time. I have a rash under one b__ast right now for no apparent reason...

lonely_melon_11 − i hope you’re feeling better and feeling relieved so much weigh is literally gone. NTA!

Most agree her mother failed to keep her promise, especially when childcare is an urgent priority. Some suggest the mother may have psychological issues like ADHD, but this does not excuse her responsibility.This story reveals the frustration of broken promises. The young mother relied on her mother for support during recovery, but had to manage alone. The lesson is that clear communication and proper prioritization are crucial in families.What should the young mother do to resolve this conflict with her mother? How can one ensure support is delivered when health and young children are involved?

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