AITA for removing my ex-wife from my life and not understanding why she still has our old photos up?

Three years after a painful divorce, a man thought he’d moved on—until his kids stumbled across their mother’s Facebook page. The sight of old family photos, including moments from a marriage tainted by infidelity, reopened old wounds. He’d erased every trace of his ex-wife from his life, so why was she still holding onto their past?

The discovery sparked confusion and frustration, raising questions about closure and personal boundaries. Was he wrong to cut her out completely, or does her choice to keep those photos signal something deeper? This story peels back the layers of post-divorce emotions, where healing and history collide.

AITA for removing my ex-wife from my life and not understanding why she still has our old photos up?

The man’s world shifted when he uncovered his wife’s infidelity, prompting a clean break.

Three years ago I 43M left my now-ex-wife 39F after discovering she was cheating on me after 15 years of marriage. As part of moving on, I removed her from...

Years later, an unexpected discovery via his children stirred unease.

Yesterday my kids were looking at their mom’s Facebook page and pointed out that she still has tons of photos of us up, some were of me with the kids...

From when we were together. It threw me off — I can’t understand why she’d keep those pictures when she was so unhappy in our marriage that she cheated.

Her choice to keep the photos felt like a lingering connection, unsettling him.

From my point of view, leaving the photos up feels like she’s holding onto something, and it bothers me. Am I the jerk for feeling this way or for cutting...

A clarifying update revealed he hadn’t sought out the photos himself.

Update: All these pictures were originally removed by here in response to my actions. No I did not go looking into her Facebook page. My kids were randomly going through...

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The man’s reaction reflects the complex emotions of post-divorce healing. His decision to erase his ex-wife from his digital life was a coping mechanism, signaling a desire to sever ties with a painful past. Her choice to keep old photos, however, suggests a different approach to processing their shared history, possibly tied to their children or her own unresolved feelings.

Dr. Susan David, a psychologist and author, explains, “People process grief and loss differently; some hold onto memories as a way to honor their past, even if it was flawed” (Emotional Agility, 2016). The ex-wife’s photos may serve as a record for their kids, preserving family moments despite the marriage’s end. Socially, keeping such photos is common, especially for parents, to maintain a sense of continuity for children.

The man’s discomfort is valid, as the photos may feel like a reminder of betrayal. However, projecting motives onto her actions risks prolonging his pain. A healthier approach might involve accepting her choices as separate from his healing journey. Therapy could help him reframe these triggers, focusing on his present rather than her past. Open communication with his kids about the photos’ significance might also ease tension, ensuring they feel secure in their family history.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Several users supported the man’s feelings but emphasized his need to let go.

TieDyeRehabHoodie − Not everyone feels the need to erase all evidence of a relationship from social media after a breakup. Those 15+ years of life and milestones and memories don’t...

If you found it cathartic or helpful to delete any trace of your marriage from social media, great. Just because she doesn’t feel the same urge to purge, doesn’t mean...

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OldDiamondJim − You’re not a jerk for purging her, and she’s not weird for failing to do the same. Nobody is the a__hole here.

gd2121 − Just pictures on a Facebook. It’s probably not that deep.

itsfancyfanny − That's actually relatable, to be honest. Wiping everything out feels more like survival than pettiness when you're the one who was cheated on.

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You may associate the pictures with treachery, but she may simply view them as "family history. " She does not belong to you, and it's beneficial for you to go...

Others offered a balanced perspective, considering the ex-wife’s possible intentions.

LegalChocolate752 − NAH. It could be as simple as she can't be bothered to go back through her old Facebook photos. I've got stuff in there from almost 20 years...

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CivilAsAnOrang − NTA. I mean, you can feel however you want to feel. But you’re divorced. Maybe your wife wants to honor the past by keeping the pictures up? Maybe...

Maybe she is ”holding on to something” and she needs to work that out with a therapist. Who knows and, really, who cares?

Odd-End-1405 − NAH Your wife, although a cheat and liar, is entitle to hold onto HER history. The fact that you have children means many of the photos from the...

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While you felt the desire to purge your history as part of YOUR healing experience. She did not. Let it lie. Your children may want some of these photos later.

YOU need to let it go and realize her SM has nothing to do with you. I think you may be putting your spin on their significance. Again, they are...

Some users injected humor to diffuse the emotional weight.

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realmccoyredbus − why does it bother you, it’s her life if which you are no longer part if , she keeps the pictures up for for kids , they should...

Competitive-Place280 − My ex cheated on me almost 20 years ago and I have still have our photos up and we don’t have kids. I personally don’t care that much...

whattheduce86 − Never understood throwing away or burning pictures. Save that stuff for the kids if nothing else. Those are still memories.

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This story captures the lingering sting of betrayal and the different ways people move on after divorce. The man’s choice to erase his ex-wife was his path to healing, but her decision to keep old photos stirred unexpected emotions. Both have valid approaches, shaped by their experiences and their roles as parents.

Should he let her choices go, or is it fair to feel unsettled by her lingering memories? What’s your take?

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