AITA for wanting to tell my SIL I don’t want to watch her kid anymore?

A pregnant woman wants to stop watching her sister-in-law’s fussy toddler. The 28-year-old, already mother to a 2-year-old and three months pregnant, offered to babysit her sister-in-law’s 1-year-old for free to help her return to work. Now, struggling with morning sickness and emotional strain, she finds caring for both children overwhelming, especially since the toddler cries constantly. She’s asked her sister-in-law to find alternative childcare, but a month later, nothing’s changed.

Her fiancé urges patience, but her stress is mounting, and she feels ignored despite voicing her struggles. She’s hesitant to bring it up again, fearing rudeness, yet her mental health is suffering. Reddit debates whether she’s justified in setting a firm boundary. Is she wrong to push back? How can she balance family ties with her well-being?

‘AITA for wanting to tell my SIL I don’t want to watch her kid anymore?’

She offered to help her sister-in-law:

I female (28) am with my fiancé male (28) and together we have an almost 2 year old. When my SIL (32) had her child I offered to watch her...

This was never intended to be long term but a nice gesture from myself as I don’t charge her. However I am now pregnant again with my second child.

She’s overwhelmed:

I am 3 months pregnant and struggling with emotions and morning sickness. I can barely be present for my 2 year old nonetheless watch my child and along with her...

Her child cries a lot due to teething and I’m not sure how to soothe her as she doesn’t nap well and is a generally fussy baby compared to my...

I mentioned to my SIL that they need to find childcare as well as my fiancé and he said that my SIL asked to bare with them while they find...

She’s frustrated by the delay:

So now I’m growing impatient and annoyed as I feel as though I’m struggling mentally and nobody seems to care even though I have made it apparent and how much...

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However I’m at a loss of how to bring it up again without appearing rude and my fiancé says to be patient as he is sure it’s almost done but...

The woman’s desire to stop watching her sister-in-law’s child is driven by the overwhelming stress of managing two toddlers while pregnant. Her initial offer was a generous, temporary gesture, but her current pregnancy, with morning sickness and emotional strain, has made the arrangement unsustainable. The fussy toddler’s needs exacerbate her exhaustion, and her mental health is at risk, which is critical during pregnancy (Cox & Holden, 2003).

Her sister-in-law’s delay in finding alternative childcare, despite being asked a month ago, suggests a lack of urgency, possibly taking advantage of the free service. Her fiancé’s call for patience overlooks her immediate health needs, placing family harmony over her well-being. This dynamic risks enabling the sister-in-law’s inaction, leaving the woman feeling unheard and burdened.

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The emotional toll of caregiving while pregnant threatens her health and her ability to parent her own child. Continued stress could impact her pregnancy, as high stress levels are linked to complications. Her hesitation to seem rude reflects a common concern in family dynamics, but her needs must take precedence.

She should set a clear deadline—e.g., one week—for her sister-in-law to arrange childcare, communicating directly and firmly but kindly. Enlisting her fiancé to reinforce this boundary could strengthen their partnership. Consulting her doctor about stress, as suggested by Reddit, could provide medical backing. Prioritizing her health and family is not selfish but necessary for her well-being.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit backs the woman’s need to prioritize her health over free childcare.

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Many urge her to firmly end the arrangement:

Stranger0nReddit - NTA. She's the one being rude because you've already told her you they need to find childcare and they still haven't a month later. It's time to be...

and if they consider that rude, oh well. "I know finding childcare is difficult, but it's been a month since I brought it up. This will be my last week...

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Reasonable-Sale8611 - NTA. Both of these people keep telling you to be patient but neither of them is the one with the problem. They are both telling YOU to be...

Especially when the baby's parents are not paying you for this. It is not good for you or for your baby, for you to be under this sort of stress....

(you don't have the protection of marriage yet so I'm not going to call her your SIL) that, beginning on Monday (yes, this Monday), you will no longer be able...

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You're doing your fiance's sister a huge, huge, huge favor, and she's not entitled for that to go on any longer than you are willing to continue doing this huge...

Wonderful-Lie-650 - NTA. Here's what you say, "I don't mean to sound rude, and I love your kid. But I'm pregnant and I can't keep doing this. It's too stressful...

You've been providing free babysitting for long enough. It's time to prioritize your health and helping your child adjust to all the big changes that are about to happen in...

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Elahgee - NTA. You are pregnant and need this to be sorted before you become heavily pregnant! SIL needs to sort this out asap. I think you should give her...

choose a date that works for you and put it in writing so she can't say that she didn't know exactly when you needed to be free from giving free...

Commenters call out the sister-in-law’s delay:

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Qwillpen1912 - NTA. You have already saved your SIL thousands of dollars by being her daycare. Is she under the impression you will 'get over it' and forget she needed...

Being straightforward and advocating for what you need is not being rude. Give her a deadline. If you can, punctuate it by going out of town. Visit mom, or a...

angelaheidt - NTA sounds like you've gone above and beyond and she's stalling to get free childcare. You have too look after yourself, your fetus, and your family first.

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SatelliteBeach123 - NTA. Give her a deadline and hold firm. She would have 2 more weeks and not a day more to figure this out. After that do not answer...

brainsareoverrated27 - You could tell her that she has one week and then you cannot do it anymore. Your SIL is rude to expect free childcare.

Some highlight the risks of stress during pregnancy:

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inFinEgan - NTA Easy out-- talk to your doctor and tell him how stressed out you are from watching the child and ask for their opinion on how that stress...

Then simply tell your SIL that and say you have to stop and it's non-negotiable-- doctor's orders. … It's a lot better than just saying "no," as many are suggesting,...

Far_Dependent_8975 - NTA Everybody know that stressing a pregnant woman is never good, it doesn't matter if the pregnancy is smooth sailing or not You fully have the right to...

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Wonderful-Set6647 - NTA your circumstances have changed. You have helped her out greatly. Go to your fiancé and tell him after this date I am no longer available.

Others urge the fiancé to support her:

choppakilla - NTA. Is your fiancé concerned about your health at all? ??

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ChubberTheChubber - NTA. Get your husband to husband up and tell his sister to stop abusing you and your generous offer.

[Reddit User] - Being kind is being honest. Tell both your fiancé & SIL exactly what you have said here. You’re overwhelmed. NTA.

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The woman’s struggle to stop watching her sister-in-law’s toddler reflects a clash between her generous offer and her current physical and emotional limits. Pregnant and overwhelmed, she’s frustrated by her sister-in-law’s delay in finding childcare and her fiancé’s call for patience.

Reddit supports her right to prioritize her health. Was the woman wrong to want to stop watching her SIL’s child? How can family members set boundaries without causing conflict? Share your thoughts below!

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