AITA for giving away my daughter’s friend’s last chicken tender?

A casual lunch outing turned tense when a mother gave her toddler the last chicken tender from her daughter’s autistic friend, Jenny, assuming she was done eating. Jenny, upset to find her food gone, explained she was saving it for last, sparking an emotional reaction. Jenny’s mom later called the act inconsiderate, pointing out the need to ask first. Was the mother wrong to make a snap decision? This story explores respect, assumptions, and the nuances of caring for another’s child.

Raising kids and hosting their friends, especially those with unique needs like autism, requires care and sensitivity. The mother’s intent may have been harmless, but did her actions cross a line? Let’s dive into the details and see what the online community thinks.

‘AITA for giving away my daughter’s friend’s last chicken tender?’

A family with five daughters shares a strong bond with Jenny, an autistic girl who often joins their adventures.

My husband(41) and I(40) have five daughters; Avery(13), Bella(7), Cassie(6), Daria(4), and Emily(1.5). The three middle girls are good friends with an autistic girl, Jenny(6), who regularly comes over to...

We’ve also included Jenny in plenty of family outings, ranging from the beach to bowling to amusement parks. Jenny’s mom has done the same for my girls, only she takes...

During a meal out, a quick decision about a chicken tender led to an unexpected conflict.

We had Jenny over for a sleepover this weekend and took her out for lunch. Jenny and Daria ordered the same meal; chicken tenders and french fries, and I noticed...

About halfway through the meal, Avery had to go to the bathroom and offered to take the younger kids with her if they needed to go. Bella, Cassie, Daria, and...

While the older girls were gone, I saw Jenny still hadn’t eaten her last chicken tender and, assuming she wasn’t going to eat it, gave it to Emily, who ate...

The missing chicken tender upset Jenny, and the mother’s explanation didn’t ease the tension.

After sitting down, Jenny noticed her chicken was gone and asked what happened to it. I told her, “You weren’t eating it, so Emily ate it.”

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She said she was “saving it for last” and looked like she was about to have a meltdown (which I still have yet to deal with in public), so I...

Jenny’s mom voiced her concerns, and the mother’s husband questioned her choice, prompting a Reddit post.

When Jenny’s mom came to pick her up later that day, she told her mother about it. Her mom called me inconsiderate and said I should’ve waited for her to...

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before having Jenny say goodbye to my girls and leaving.. My husband and I talked about this and he said he agrees with Jenny’s mom’s point about asking her first,...

Now that the weekend’s over, my husband suggested I take this to Reddit for an unbiased opinion, so here I am.

Taking a child’s food without asking, especially a guest with autism, is a misstep that can undermine trust. The mother’s assumption that Jenny wouldn’t eat her last chicken tender was well-intentioned but overlooked Jenny’s autonomy. Child psychologist Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore explains, “Respecting a child’s choices, particularly for autistic kids, fosters trust and security” (Psychology Today). Jenny’s habit of saving food isn’t an “autism thing”—it’s a common preference many share, kids and adults alike.

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That said, Jenny’s mom’s reaction, while understandable, may have been sharp without opening a broader discussion. Offering back a half-eaten piece of chicken only worsened the situation, as most kids would reject it for hygiene reasons. Instead of defending her choice, the mother could have apologized and offered to replace the food, preventing distress and showing respect for Jenny’s feelings.

Moving forward, the mother should learn from this and be more mindful when caring for other children. A follow-up talk with Jenny’s mom to clear the air and a commitment to respecting Jenny’s eating habits could mend ties. Above all, she should avoid linking normal behaviors to autism, as this risks reinforcing stereotypes and dismissing Jenny’s individuality.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The online community was vocal, overwhelmingly criticizing the mother for taking Jenny’s food without permission and for tying her behavior to autism. Comments fell into two groups: those slamming the lack of respect and those stressing basic etiquette.

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These commenters called out the mother’s actions as inconsiderate, regardless of Jenny’s autism.

COLGkenny − YTA. Not only did you give someone's food away, but you also attribute to her saving food to her autism. As someone not on the spectrum, I save...

mfruitfly − YTA. The ages don't matter here, the friend having autism doesn't matter here. The only thing that matters here is that you took food from someone and gave...

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You are a parent, so I imagine you have your meals interrupted a lot, so how would you feel if you got up to clean up a spill or to...

You took something without asking and then didn't even apologize or fix the situation. So you lack the manners you probably want your children to have. Children can have autonomy...

You would never do what you did to Jenny to an adult, nor would you want that to happen to your food. Not only did you make an assumption that...

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Also, none of this has anything to do with autism. I save the best bite for last, or the best thing on the plate all the time. You don't need...

she wasn't done with her meal, period. People eat food at their own pace and in their own way and it isn't confusing to just leave their food alone.

Riposte12 − YTA - Stop being so generous with food that isn't yours. How hard is that? How hard is it to simply ask them?

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sally_marie_b − YTA - I’m the same age as you and a mother. I’ve got an autistic child and non spectrum child. I wouldn’t give either of their food away...

That the persons whose food you took was a guest makes it even worse. I know my own children’s appetites and eating habits and I might be able to guess...

Someone else’s child? I’d never make that assumption and leave a guest hungry. Also, if I had made a mistake and given away another child’s food - there is NO...

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I would apologise to the child and let their parent know in advance that I made a mistake and that I was sorry. I would be beyond embarrassed to have...

These users highlighted the breach of manners and the problematic assumption about autism.

StephieVee − YTA for giving a child’s food away and also a big one for saying “must be an autistic thing”. Have you never heard the term “save the best...

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squirrelsareevil2479 − YTA. Your attitude of blaming it on her autism is very wrong. How would you react if one of your daughters decided you were finished eating and gave...

Never take someone's food without asking permission. I'd be uneasy about you taking care of Jenny as you don't respect her autonomy. You feel some entitlement to make decisions for...

KookyButtWise − Do you really need to be told to ask permission before touching someone else's food or belongings? YTA

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Prongs1223 − Yta are you normally this clueless or did you wake up that day ready to steal from an autistic girl?

Pretzelmamma − YTA assuming she wasn’t going to eat it Why though? Why would you assume that she wasn't going to eat it? She hadn't finished her meal. What possi...

took the little piece of chicken Emily didn’t eat and gave it back to her Oh that's just naaassty! must be an autistic thing It’s not. I sometimes save a...

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janewilson90 − YTA Don't give away other people's food. .. how on earth have you grown into an adult without knowing this incredibly basic piece of etiquette? And also don't...

No one wants to eat toddler leftovers! And don't dismiss perfectly normal behaviour as "an autistic thing". She was saving her favourite bit for last, that's normal. Have some respect.

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Overall, the community agreed the mother was wrong for taking Jenny’s food without asking and for linking her behavior to autism, urging more respect and better manners.

This story serves as a wake-up call about respecting children’s autonomy, especially those with autism, and practicing basic courtesy. The takeaway? Always ask before acting on someone else’s belongings. What do you think of the mother’s actions? How could this situation have been handled better? Share your thoughts below!

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