AITAH for not letting my brother and his family move in with me?

What would you do if a family member asked for a favor that could turn your life upside down? A 27-year-old woman faced this exact dilemma when her older brother, known for his lack of responsibility, asked to move his entire family into her spacious home. After years of being pampered by their parents, he’s struggled to hold a job and now leans on others to support his wife and child.

Her decision to stand firm sparked heated debates within her family. Was she right to prioritize her own household’s peace over helping her brother? Family dynamics can get messy when love and obligation collide. Read on to uncover the details and decide for yourself where the line should be drawn.

‘AITAH for not letting my brother and his family move in with me?’

The situation began with an unexpected request from the woman’s brother.

My 27F brother 31M asked if he could move in with me and my husband. To sum it up my brother is basically a man child how he got a...

My parents pampered him like crazy whatever he wanted they would get it for him but when it came to me and my older sister 30F we were told to...

He never had to clean or do anything around the house and got to come and go as he'd like but we weren't allowed to because we were girls.

The only thing he had going for him was school and he even managed to s__ew that up, he was offered a full scholarship and had a job lined up...

Him, his wife 40F and their child 8M have been living with our parents for the past 9 years (except for when our sister was trying to help him find...

They were leasing an apartment but due to him not being able to hold down a job and his wife not making that much money (she works at a salon)...

Things got complicated when her brother commented on her spacious home.

Last year I flew my entire family out here for the holidays, it was the first time they were visiting my home in 8 years since I'd moved out of...

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Since then I've gotten married to my husband 42M and had my daughter 2F. My brother kept commenting on how nice and spacious our house is and I thought nothing...

It wasn't until when it was time for them to leave my brother asked if him and his family could come live with us seeing as we have more than...

house so it wouldn’t be an inconvenience if they were to live here but based on my brother's track record, he would absolutely find some way to inconvenience and according...

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Pressure mounted as her brother tried different tactics to persuade her.

When he couldn't get through to me he tried to get our parents to convince me and even tried to pressure my husband into agreeing, he almost agreed to it...

Finally, she clarified why her home is large and the visit’s context.

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Edit : holy s__t I did not expect to get this many responses! But for those of you worried that we're wasting money on an a big house and don't...

and we do also foster kids so we want to make sure we have enough room. And some of you misunderstood me, I didn't let my family move in with...

This conflict raises questions about family responsibility. The woman refused her brother due to his history of dependency. Her stance is understandable. Many would agree that protecting her own family comes first. Some might argue she should help due to family ties.

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This situation reflects a common social issue. Many families deal with a member who refuses to grow up. A psychologist notes:”Delayed maturity often stems from excessive pampering.” — Dr. John Duffy (Author, Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety), Psychology Today, 2020.

Setting boundaries is crucial to avoid long-term stress. Allowing her brother to move in could burden her with undue responsibility. This story prompts reflection: How do we balance family ties with personal duty?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The online community actively discussed this situation. Many supported the woman’s decision to stand firm:

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TigerDude33 − NTA he isn't your child to raise.

michuru809 − NTA He isn't your child, you aren't responsible for any adult other then yourself. This might be the first time in his life he's every heard "no". Your...

Your mooch brother moving in would not be in the best interests of your child or marriage. Your brother would stress you out, and add more to everyone's workload around...

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Whatever stress you're dealing with now from his persistence is a fraction of what you'd get if he moved in. There's only so many hours in the day, don't allocate...

alicat777777 − NTA. He will just become your responsibility to take care of. He won’t appreciate it and it will damage your relationship much more when you ask him to...

Some criticized the parents for enabling her brother’s behavior:

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Sadielady11 − Lol what a joke. Tell your parents to give them their house and they can go find a new one. How the f__k is this man child and...

gramsknows − NTA tell them you are through with this conversation the answer is no. They are not moving in ever. If they continue to ask you will have no...

Tell your parents their man child monster they created is and will always be their problem. You will not let them move in. I also would not invite him and...

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Others suggested taking a hard line to protect her peace:

i_need_french_fries − NTA. Your brother is trying to wear you down so you’ll need to stand strong. Tell him your answer is no, and that’s final and you will never...

Whenever the topic comes up again, ignore him and don’t even respond. Walk away if you need to. If he and his family move in they will leech off you...

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Plus they might pop out more kids and you’ll have to be responsible for them too. Be prepared to call the police if he just shows up one day with...

noonecaresat805 − Nta. Once he moves in he will never move out. You will be stuck paying everything for him, wife, kids and future kids. So rent, food, their clothes,...

I’m pretty sure you will also get stuck cleaning and cooking after everyone while he plays video games because he doesn’t think he should have to help out. You already...

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Don’t make your life and your family’s life miserable by letting him and his family in. And yeah your parents are going to push because I’m sure they are tired...

The community largely backed the woman’s choice, emphasizing she’s not responsible for her brother. Some pointed out the parents’ role in enabling him. These perspectives highlight empathy for setting family boundaries.

This story underscores the importance of setting boundaries. Family ties don’t justify sacrificing personal peace. Individual responsibility must come first. What would you do if a family member asked for support that could disrupt your life? How do you balance family loyalty with personal duty?

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