AITA for locking up my romance novels so my husband can’t throw them away?

Have you ever found a beloved hobby sparking unexpected tension at home? A woman passionate about romance novels faced this very issue when her husband complained about her book collection. He called them “in the way” and even threatened to toss them out. To protect her cherished books, she locked them in a cabinet. This move, however, upset her husband, who felt she didn’t trust him.

This story reveals deeper issues about communication and insecurity in marriage. Was she wrong to safeguard her hobby, or did her husband cross a line? Let’s explore the details and the varied opinions from the online community.

‘AITA for locking up my romance novels so my husband can’t throw them away?’

Her love for romance sets the stage.

I love romance. To be clear, I don’t enjoy self inserts or wish fulfillment romance where I’m the target. I love reading about two individuals falling in love and the...

Conflict brews when her husband takes issue with her collection.

My husband recently started having an issue with my romance items. He says they are “in the way.” I keep my books on one bookshelf. I have my own iPad...

I have my own library card and account. I do my half of the chores, pay my half of the bills, and do my part around the house. The romance...

Tensions rise as she takes action to protect her books.

He made a comment about throwing them out and having a fresh start. So, I bought a small cabinet/dresser with a lock on it from Amazon and locked up all...

My husband tried opening the door of one and found out it was locked. Now he is upset and guilt tripping me, saying that I don’t trust him and that...

A revealing moment uncovers the root of the issue.

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I came home to my husband trying to put back together a book I had left. It was flimsy and a couple of pages had already fallen out. He kept...

I told him the pages had already fallen out and it wasn’t his actions that caused it. I asked him why he was acting this way and what caused this...

He admitted he was annoyed that I spent so much time away from him with my romance novels. When he had a more demanding job and I was in my...

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I came home to my husband trying to put back together a book I had left. It was flimsy and a couple of pages had already fallen out. He kept...

I told him the pages had already fallen out and it wasn’t his actions that caused it. I asked him why he was acting this way and what caused this...

He admitted he was annoyed that I spent so much time away from him with my romance novels. When he had a more demanding job and I was in my...

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Her husband opens up about his insecurities.

He was the type to write love letters and do things for his partners but after two ex gfs cheated on him, he lost that part of himself. He said...

He said that sometimes it felt like I didn’t love him because we weren’t the “kiss good morning, say I love you every day” kind of couple. He says I...

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But then he remembers the things I did (from putting socks on his feet when he slept and getting him takeout from his favorite restaurant to moving across the country...

then it makes him feel guilty. I asked him what he wanted me to do. He said he didn’t know. He apologized for the book thing and said he didn’t...

This situation raises questions about balancing personal hobbies with emotional needs in a marriage.

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The wife protected her romance novels by locking them away. This stemmed from her husband’s threat to discard them. Such behavior signals a lack of respect for personal belongings. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage expert, states: “Mutual respect is the cornerstone of a lasting relationship.” — John Gottman (Ph.D., Psychology), The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999. Her husband must recognize that threatening her property is unacceptable.

At the same time, his insecurity stems from feeling neglected. He compares himself to the romantic ideals in her books. This highlights a need for deeper communication about emotional expectations.

Beyond that, moving from a two-bedroom apartment to a studio amplified issues of space and personal time. Both need to discuss ways to balance individual hobbies with shared moments.

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Suggestions include scheduling small romantic gestures. Additionally, the husband could address his insecurities, possibly through counseling. Finally, clear boundaries around personal property are essential. Open communication remains key to resolving such conflicts.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The online community on social media buzzed with diverse takes on this story, from staunch support to sharp critiques.

Many stood firmly behind the wife for protecting her hobby.

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bamf1701 − NTA. Your husband shouldn't be thinking of throwing out things that belong to you - no matter what percentage of the bills either of you pay - especially...

And the fact that he knows that the cabinet is locked is a pretty damning sign that he was seriously thinking of following through with his threat - so you...

7hr0wn − NTA. They're books. Why on earth is this man threatened by books? Throwing away your possessions without your consent would be an AH move.

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PlasticFew8201 − NTA. He shouldn’t be throwing out your belongings — he’s being an a__hole.

Some pointed out deeper issues her husband needs to address.

empressfelicia − He says they are “in the way. ” But he hates them. Now he is upset and guilt tripping me, saying that I don’t trust him and that...

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NTA solely for protecting what you love and enjoy and unless your husband's got a game-changing reason for why he has a problem with it like romance novels killed his...

Ok_Adeptness7156 − NTA- it feels like he is threatened by the romance novels in some way, which is definitely odd. He should probably considered some internal reflection as to why...

ProfessionUnhappy733 − You need to sit down and talk to your husband about why he feels so threatened by romance books because honestly, that's a bit weird I'm very protective...

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I literally own my very own mini library and it's still gets added to to this day. So I would also do what you have done if someone eve made...

So, NTA for being protective of your books but I would also sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with your husband about why he's so against your...

I can honestly think of much worse books to keep around than just some romance books that take up what? 1 book shelf? Better not reveal a lot of other...

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Others brought humor or sharp criticism to the husband’s behavior.

Direct_Top1501 − Husband sounds like a 5 year old. You married young.

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LooseGoose886 − If you read romance, then you know exactly what trope your husband falls into right now: the insecure, controlling partner the FMC breaks up with in the 1st...

Honestly, it's either being controlling, or misogyny (ie: "romance isn't real literature"/"chic lit is trash"). I'm not going to even debate the merits of that stance but let's just say...

Your husband has a problem with a harmless, potentially enhancing and enjoyable hobby. Unless you're reading the household into bankruptcy, shirking your share of household responsibilities or endangering yourself reading...

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Does he feel like he can't match up to your MMCs? Because that's sad. Oh, and let's remember that his reaction to whatever his deal with romance novels is, was...

If you wanted a barometer of how much your feelings or opinions matter to him, I'd say that's a pretty good indication. He was definitely on the hunt to grab...

Unless he has a really good explanation for why he's acting like such a stunted eggplant, I would consider keeping the books and trashing the controlling husband.

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After all, it's sad that romance fiction will give you better men as partners than your actual partner. In a world where Avery Keelan gave us Chase Carter and Elle...

BLESS_YER_HEART − Your husband would THROW YOUR BOOKS AWAY? !?!?! Jesus NTA. That deserves life without parole.

A few shared personal stories or practical suggestions.

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IllTemperedOldWoman − NTA. My late husband did this with my books - college books, scary books, literature, non-fiction. He also tried to move them into a non-insulated garden shed, which...

I didn't let him and neither should you. The thing with guilt-tripping is, it can only work if you gaf. I learned to not gaf about my husband being weirdly...

Hellokitty55 − NTA. This is really annoying. My parents police what I read too lol. Do you have any recs? ! LOL. I had 500 romance novels at my parents'...

My2Cents_503 − NTA Based on your comments, it sounds like he has a problem with your books because they are important to you. If it was about the space they...

You could move your bookshelf, put the books in a box in your closet or under the bed, or use it as a coffee or side table. When I lived...

Some raised concerns about controlling or abusive behavior.

SuperPookypower − Ok, it sounds like the problem is that you DO trust him. He said that he wants to throw out your books, and you believe him. He knows...

I almost never go down that Reddit, anything I don’t like must be abuse road. But this really does sound kind of abusive. Is he mean to you about a...

[Reddit User] − My ex husband used to say that he thought they were as bad as “porn” Good lord the s__t we women put up NTA

Clearly, the online community split into multiple perspectives, from defending personal property to urging the couple to communicate openly.

This story shows how small conflicts can mask larger issues in a relationship. Most of the community backed the wife for protecting her hobby, but some felt her husband’s insecurities deserved a hearing. A few even flagged potential controlling behavior.

Respecting personal hobbies is vital in a marriage. Open communication can prevent conflicts from escalating. Both partners need to balance individual passions with shared time.What would you do if your hobby caused tension with a loved one? How do you protect your passions while keeping the peace at home?

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