Aitah for refusing to eat the expensive food my mom paid for because I don’t like sharing?

A 19-year-old woman faced criticism from her family for refusing to share her meal during a celebration for her new certification. Living with autism and OCD, she’s highly sensitive to others touching her food, especially since her father has a history of taking her meals without permission, sometimes leaving her hungry. When she stood her ground, her parents called her selfish.

This dispute highlights issues of personal boundaries and respect within a family. Was the young woman too sensitive about her food? Or did her family fail to understand her unique needs? The online community weighed in, offering diverse perspectives on how her family handled the situation.

‘Aitah for refusing to eat the expensive food my mom paid for because I don’t like sharing?’

The celebration dinner turned tense when the woman refused to share her food.

I 19f recently finished a certification and it was decided by my mom 48f, that it should be celebrated. I was like sure, so she picked out a place and...

I cannot deal with conflicting textures and taste so I tend to get the most simplest thing on the menu. So my parents got entrees and I got an appetizer...

Her father dismissed her refusal, claiming his right to her food.

I was then berated for being selfish and told that he is my father so he can do what he pleases and he'll just eat it later.

I got upset and said not to touch my food and I was tired of him leaving me without dinner all the time. He said if I'm so mad about...

The next day, she discovered her father had taken a wing, escalating the conflict.

Till the next day when I see in fact he did take a wing because he left my food wide open in the fridge. I got upset and my mom...

I said absolutely not and said his hands were most likely unwashed when he touched my food. She called me a germaphobe and I said it doesn’t matter, at the...

Her mother also disregarded her boundaries by touching her food without permission.

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There were also some leftover fries my brother said he didn't want, so he gave them to me. I heated those up and my mother says "Can I have one?",

then before I get the chance to say yes, she dunks her unwashed hands into my food. I took her hands out and said you could have waited for a...

Her parents’ actions, despite knowing her sensitivities, deepened her frustration.

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My parents knowing that I will starve myself if I think a piece of food isn't clean still dunk their hands into my food without my permission all the time...

(I want to add that I have autism and ocd and wash my hand twice in a particular way before eating) My mom told others in my family and she...

She clarified her father’s pattern of taking her food and his hygiene issues.

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Edit: my father has eaten my dinner on MANY occasions, leaving me without dinner. I had 6 wings he had an entree and 2 sides. I left with 3 wings...

I share yall just with people who ask first. He also did not pay for the food. My mom did. Just because he's "bigger" than me doesn't mean he gets...

Also he doesn't wash his hands after he uses the bathroom, picks his nose all day, sneezes into his hands and such. I do get therapy for my problems but...

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She corrected a health-related misunderstanding about unwashed hands.

Edit 2: someone has notified me that it was actually the norovirus since you get it from unwashed hands, my mistake everyone I got confused.

Her parents continued using food to exert control, worsening the situation.

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Edit 3: dad stole my lunch, was hungry all day and came home to find my mom purposely cooked something that makes me nauseous.

Then told me that I disrespected her cooking last week by mentioning that I don't like a particular meal that she makes so she made it because I didn't like...

Like ever 😭😭 bro why do they always use food as a weapon against me.. Won't let me cook, but will only make food available that makes me nauseous 😫...

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She planned to protect her food by storing non-perishables in her room.

Edit 4: I have a job yall, I'm part time because I'm college. Anyway when my mom fixes my electrical system in my room then I'll get a mini fridge,...

She addressed misconceptions about her condition and eating habits.

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Edit 5: Aight last edit to address some stuff I saw.I've actually worked in a restaurant before and prefer when people don't use gloves unless it's for meat. When I...

So I'm not really afraid to eat at restaurants. My brother I'm also not afraid to share with because he washes his hands before and after eating and is generally...

To those who said I was picky eater and spoiled, I literally have a disorder. This goes beyond picky eating, I legit said I get nauseous and gag, why would...

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To those trying to rationalize my actions and thoughts please don't, and actually research OCD because clearly, some of yall don't understand what it is. The whole disorder is built...

I also am not starving myself I'm on meds that k__l my appetite AND I tend not to eat much in public because it's much to loud. I'm not underweight...

(This is relating to the only eating 3 chicken wings thing, I also had some dessert if that matters) Anyway I want to say thanks again to those who were...

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This family conflict over food reveals deeper issues about respecting personal boundaries.

The parents’ habit of taking food without permission, knowing their daughter’s autism and OCD, shows a lack of sensitivity. Psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendrix notes, “Understanding and respecting personal boundaries is crucial for healthy family relationships” (Journal of Family Psychology, 2018). The parents’ actions disregard her needs.

Cooking food that makes her nauseous as a form of punishment suggests controlling behavior. This can harm her mental health further.

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Long-term, she needs strategies to protect her autonomy. Moving out or securing her food with a locked mini fridge could help.

Expert Advice: Have an open conversation with your parents about how their actions affect your mental health. Store non-perishable food in your room to maintain control over your meals. Seek ongoing support from a therapist to develop coping strategies for family conflicts.

See what others had to share with OP:

The online community showed strong support, criticizing the family’s lack of respect for her boundaries.

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Most users validated her right to protect her food, especially given her conditions.

ObeseVegetable − NTA He said if I'm so mad about it then do something. Your dad is a dumbass. You did do something that anybody worth respecting would acknowledge: you...

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D43M0N13420 − "I don't want people to touch my food because it makes me sick" is not the same as "I don't like to share" you have a valid reason...

You are kinder than I am, I will not starve myself if someone reaches toward my plate after I say no I will stab a mf hand (except my wife,...

Competitive-Use1360 − Op, I'm not ocd or autistic and I won't eat after people touch my food. I don't drink after people, not even my daughter or grandchildren.

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My grand son is the same. I just can't do it. People are gross. If you want some of my food fine. ..I will give it to you, but don't...

Specialist-Leek-6927 − NTA "Also he doesn't wash his hands after he uses the bathroom, picks his nose all day, sneezes into his hands and such. " even if he was...

Some questioned the choice of restaurant and condemned the parents’ actions.

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leah_paigelowery − This isn’t as relevant but why did your mom pick a place with food you don’t like to celebrate you? Seems like they are inconsiderate on all fronts.

APartyInMyPants − You’re NTA. But I’m more taken aback by the fact that you went out to a restaurant to celebrate your certification, yet you weren’t given the choice of...

And I wouldn’t feel bad. You went to a place that served chicken wings and french fries. The food wasn’t that expensive. So you shouldn’t be made to feel bad...

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EfficientIndustry423 − Your parents are horrible people

Several suggested ways to protect her food or gain independence.

Shdfx1 − It sounds like you don’t have much control over your own life, not even the food you eat. That must be very anxiety provoking. You’re not alone in...

Tell your mother that it wasn’t much of a celebration to be called selfish for not wanting to lose your dinner, again, to your father. Tell her you won’t be...

The only way to prevent people from taking your food is to either move out to live on your own, or buy a mini fridge and lock for your room....

He doesn’t care. He won’t care tomorrow, or next week, or next year. Those are your only two options to protect your food. NTA. Congratulations on your certificate.

lynnlugg7777 − They aren’t respecting you. Since you’re 19, you are free to move out. I think that’s the only way to make things better.

aurlyninff − You need to move. That level of disrespect would be a dealbreaker. If your disabilities are too much to work currently look into disability/low income housing until you...

Others highlighted the parents’ disrespect, even for those without OCD.

No_Addition_5543 − I can’t recall a single incident where a parent or sibling has taken food from my plate. I do recall sharing from a main dish or dishes on...

[Reddit User] − NTA, sounds like your parents and mine are from the same generation. “My house, my rules” or “I brought you into this world, I can take you...

One user noted her hygiene concerns but still supported her stance.

CubicleFish2 − sounds like your family are AHs but you also sound like you have a pretty severe case of gemophobia if you will starve yourself at the thought of...

Ppl preparing your food in restaurants are not continuously washing their hands and they are not washing their hands extremely frequently or wearing gloves for a lot of it.

The community largely backed the young woman, condemning her parents’ disregard for her boundaries and needs.

Respecting personal boundaries is essential, especially for those with unique needs. Using food as a means of control is unacceptable. Taking steps to protect oneself is a vital move. Have you ever dealt with family disrespecting your boundaries? How did you defend your space?

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