AITA for not supporting my brother’s fiancee more?

A simple request to keep personal matters private turned into a family feud when a woman’s brother uninvited their entire family from his upcoming wedding. After she asked his fiancée, Alice, to stop sharing sensitive information with her parents—who caused her husband to lose his job—her brother demanded an apology, escalating tensions to a breaking point.

This story goes beyond a single disagreement, raising questions about trust, boundaries, and family loyalty. Was she wrong to protect her family’s privacy, or is her brother’s reaction a sign of deeper issues? Let’s unpack the messy details and see how the online community weighed in on this tangled situation.

‘AITA for not supporting my brother’s fiancee more?’

The drama kicked off when the woman’s brother took drastic measures over a personal boundary.

My older brother, lets call him Sean 29, has decided to cut off our entire family due to my "unreasonable behavior" to his fiancee, Alice 24, and uninvited the entire...

Sean says I am not being supportive to Alice and I admit of late I haven't being sharing as much information with her. I will talk to her but I...

Her attempt to defend her brother and his fiancée backfired in a big way.

Alice's parents don't approve of my brother and have gone as far as filing false reports on them both.

I and a few others witnessed what happened, made statements to the Police with corroborating video evidence, to prove that Alice and my brother were the innocent parties. This then...

Alice’s on-again, off-again dynamic with her brother raised red flags for the woman.

I (26f) felt sorry for Alice at first however there has been a lot of problems. Alice breaks up with Sean regularly, goes back to her parents, within a day...

Whenever she breaks up with him Alice always tells Sean she will always love him and will never love anyone else but she just isn't any good for him so...

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Sean then (figuratively) fights for Alice to come back because she really doesn't want to leave him, its just her evil parents making her do so.

Setting boundaries to protect her family led to an explosive reaction from her brother.

I no longer feel comfortable around Alice. We welcomed her to the family however my husband, shortly after my statement to the Police, lost his job. We since found out...

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I have repeatedly asked Alice to stop discussing our family with her parents but she told my brother that I am making her chose between her family and ours. I...

I admit I have been thinking for a while how Alice loves being the center of attention. I've watched her go from being inconsolable and in tears when speaking to...

Due to all the issues I recently told my brother that I do love him but I can't let him know things about where we are applying for work, any...

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He wasn't happy. The most recent issue which is why I am posting this is because I've just had to speak to our elderly grandmother who rang me very upset...

He sent texts to the entire side of our family uninviting them. Should I just apologize to keep the peace and just be more careful about what I say near...

EDIT: Talked to family. A lot of other stories have come out from other families members so the consensus is if Sean uninvites us all it is on him. The...

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Thanks Reddittors. It has been a crazy ride. Never experienced anything like this before. I will try to answer all the questions asked. Sorry but word count prevented me from...

This situation reveals a web of broken trust and manipulation within a family. As psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner explains, “Boundaries are how we protect ourselves and our loved ones without severing ties” (The Dance of Connection). Alice’s habit of sharing private information, leading to serious consequences like the woman’s husband losing his job, shows a clear disregard for boundaries.

The woman is trying to shield her family by asking Alice to stop sharing personal details, but her brother and Alice see this as unsupportive. Sean’s decision to uninvite the entire family from the wedding is a form of emotional manipulation, unfairly pressuring her to comply.

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Some might argue she should be more open with Alice to maintain family harmony, especially since Alice is caught between her parents and Sean’s family. However, Alice’s refusal to respect boundaries, despite knowing the harm caused, suggests a deeper issue of entitlement or manipulation.

In family dynamics, clear boundaries are essential to protect privacy and safety. Using tactics like uninviting an entire family to force an apology signals an unhealthy relationship dynamic that could have lasting consequences.

Expert Advice: Stand Firm on Boundaries: Continue protecting your family’s private information and calmly explain your reasons to Sean. Rally Family Support: Talk to other family members to build consensus and avoid being isolated by this conflict. Consider Professional Help: A family therapist could help navigate this conflict and improve communication between all parties.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The online community didn’t hold back, offering support, warnings, and sharp insights into this messy family drama.

Many backed the woman’s decision to set boundaries, especially given the real-world consequences.

Originalhumanbeatbox − NTA, collective punishment is a war crime under the Geneva Convention.

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Demo_Bec − NTA. Her family messed with your families financial stability. If she keeps them in the loop you'll never be safe. And honestly, he's the AH for taking the...

[Reddit User] − NTA, you’re not even in the relationship and you’re suffering financial genuine life problems because of her and her family. Losing a job is not a small...

If your brother is so fragile to uninvite his whole family because you won’t pass personal information to them anymore (because you have been screwed because of it) he is...

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Don’t apologised for wanting to protect your kids. Your family will probably complain at you because they want to go to the wedding, stand your ground, you didn’t make the...

Several users flagged Alice’s behavior as manipulative, warning of a toxic dynamic.

LimitedCorri − NTA Drop the rope. You have, unfortunately, lost your brother to this crazy person. He is emotionally manipulating the rest of the family to get what he wants...

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Stop engaging the crazy, mourn the loss of your brother to the crazy, and get on with your life. Simply tell everyone who asks “we are not getting involved in...

The rest of your family, if sane, will eventually realize that emotionally blackmailing an entire family for the sake of forcing an apology from one person is bat s__t crazy...

The crazy will never really be satisfied no matter how many times you apologize, so apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong is completely futile and only encourages the bat s__t...

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Wileykid − NTA. don’t apologise because you will be enabling all of their b__lshit. Explain to your family that if you all remain uninvited it is 100% because your SIL...

She is trying to alienate your brother because that is what abusive ppl do. Speak to your family clearly about her behaviour. Do not bother speaking to her, or your...

mer-shark − NTA You're the one whose husband LOST HIS JOB because of her. She's the one who should be apologizing and making amends. Or at the very least, be...

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Notice she's always the victim? She knows exactly know she's doing. She gained control of your brother by making an "us vs. them" situation with her "evil parents" (who sound...

Now she's trying to isolate your brother from his support system by targeting his "evil" family. Just watch. She'll target his friends next so he has no one to rely...

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It'll only escalate. Save yourself from her games for your own peace and sanity, even if you can't save your brother. It's a sad situation, but your brother has chosen...

Someday, hopefully, he may come out from the fog and see the damage and rebuild his life. All you can do for now is let him know you'll always love...

Some dove deeper, analyzing Alice’s patterns and the unhealthy dynamic with Sean.

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Hellebaardier − NTA And this story is messed up. So her parents are actively trying to break them up with underhanded and deplorable methods and when that didn't work, they...

Yet, it's not them that are considered the issue, but you? And that because you asked to not share personal information, which shouldn't be done in any case (unless the...

Alice says she doesn't want to choose, but your brother seems to clearly have made his choice. Not only is he demanding an apology from you for no reason, he's...

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So, the fact that his in-laws-to-be made him loose his job is not a problem, but you asking something rational is? Yeah, Alice's is whipped by her parents and your...

You have nothing to apologize for and if their prior history is anything to go by, he's most likely going to crawl back himself sooner or later. Can't imagine a...

LizF0311 − NTA. If the genders were reversed, perhaps everyone would more easily realize that this is an abusive relationship.

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Alice’s manipulation and probable gaslighting is causing your brother to adopt her methods of trying to coerce people into doing what he (or probably more accurately she) wants.

missbaby23 − NTA Alice is probably lying to her parents about your brother for attention which would explain why they hate him so much and then going back and telling...

Some users wanted more context to fully understand the situation.

WebbieVanderquack − INFO: It's a little hard to work out what's going on here. What are Alice's parents actually accusing people of, and why does she keep returning to her...

How/why did she get your husband fired? Why did you have to make a statement to the police? Why is Alice passing on "financial" and "personal details" about you to...

[Reddit User] − INFO: did your brother apologize for your husband loosing his job because of his GF’s parents?

One user suggested keeping distance while staying vigilant.

tropical_anesthetic − keep your distance, but remain civil (general politeness). But keep a close eye on what your brother's fiancé's parents are up to. ... they sound like trouble (respectable...

Besides that, you shouldn't feel guilty if you want to keep certain information private. You just want to keep your family safe, and that's not selfish.

Others directly criticized Alice and Sean’s actions as manipulative and unfair.

Spookyredd − NTA. So, you don't want to give her any information about your personal lives for her and her family to use as leverage? So, she is in turn,...

S__ew that! Why would your family be pissed at you over this? Why would they support him marrying a girl like this? Why keep the peace? Who benefits and who...

This is not about her wanting a genuine apology. She is using blackmail. You can't get a genuine apology from someone through blackmail. This is only an extreme measure to...

Talk with your family. If it comes down to it, where they choose her over you, then consider carefully how you and your husband's lives will be affected.

Order66-Cody − NTA Explain to every family member this part I no longer feel comfortable around Alice. We welcomed her to the family however my husband, shortly after my statement...

We since found out that Alice's parents were behind it from a former co-worker. I have repeatedly asked Alice to stop discussing our family with her parents but she told...

I just want her to stop passing on info as we have children that are being impacted. Also make fb posts and put him and her on blast. What he...

You are definitely exercising the right caution by not telling her anything. Ur gradma, and rest family should see that Alice's parents caused ur husband to lose his job and...

The consensus overwhelmingly supports the woman, urging her not to apologize and to protect her family from Alice’s manipulative behavior.

A simple boundary to protect your family can spiral into major conflict without mutual understanding. Setting clear boundaries is crucial, but it requires tact to avoid fracturing relationships.

Should she apologize to keep the peace, or hold firm on her boundaries? How do you handle a loved one caught in a toxic relationship? Share your thoughts below!

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