AITA for Not Babysitting Post-Back Surgery While My Ex Goes Out?

A father fresh out of major back surgery faces an unexpected request from his ex-wife: watch their two young kids overnight so she can spend time with her friend-with-benefits. With strict medical orders limiting his movement, is he wrong to say no? This situation highlights the tricky balance of co-parenting responsibilities and personal health after a divorce, sparking a heated debate online.

Beyond that, it sheds light on the real-world challenges of juggling family duties while recovering from a serious medical procedure. Will the online community side with the father, or see things differently? Let’s dive into the story and the passionate reactions it stirred up.

‘AITA for Not Babysitting Post-Back Surgery While My Ex Goes Out?’

Just one week after a serious spinal procedure, the father is under strict medical restrictions.

One week ago I (M40) had a lumbar laminectomy. I am under strict orders to not bend, lift, twist or do anything strenuous for 3-6 weeks. I will find out...

Despite their separation, the father makes an effort to stay involved with his kids, though his ex sets boundaries.

My ex (f37) and I sperated around November of last year. We have two children, 4 and 13. She will not allow the boys to visit me where I am...

I typically stay the night on Saturdays so the ex can have some free time. Along with hanging out after work a few evenings each week.

Tensions rise when the ex-wife asks him to watch the kids overnight, despite his health limitations.

I had her pick me up yesterday so I could come over and hang out with the kids and give my roommates a break from caring for me. She asked...

I told her I was uncomfortable with that. If the youngest were to wake up and need help with the bathroom or if an emergency were to arise, I would...

She got really upset at this and continues to try and justify why it will be fine.. AITA for not agreeing to be responsible for my kids a week out...

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This father’s dilemma raises a sharp question: How do you balance family responsibilities with personal recovery in tough situations?

A lumbar laminectomy is no small procedure, requiring strict adherence to medical guidelines. Neurosurgeon Dr. Michael Y. Wang from the University of Miami notes, “Ignoring post-surgical restrictions like avoiding bending or lifting can lead to re-injury or permanent damage” (Journal of Neurosurgery, 2020). The father’s concern about being unable to assist his 4-year-old in an emergency is valid, especially given the physical demands of caring for a young child.

While the father wants to spend time with his kids, his ex’s request to leave him alone with them overnight is unreasonable given his condition. However, their co-parenting agreement needs clarity. If he’s responsible for Saturday nights, arranging backup care is a fair expectation. Alongside that, her restricting his kids from visiting his home raises questions about fairness in their arrangement.

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This story highlights a common issue in co-parenting: poor communication. The ex-wife seems to underestimate the severity of his recovery, and their differing priorities fuel the conflict. What makes it even more complicated is the lack of mutual understanding, which escalates tensions.

Advice : The father must follow medical guidelines to avoid risking long-term health issues. Both parents should revisit their co-parenting plan, ensuring backup options for emergencies. If he can’t care for the kids alone, suggesting a babysitter or family member’s help is a practical solution.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The online community jumped into the fray, offering a mix of empathy, practical advice, and a dash of humor.

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These commenters empathize with the father’s recovery, urging him to prioritize his health.

altarwisebyowllight − NTA. 4 is a little too young to be totally self-autonomous in the way you need for these restrictions. The 13 year old could help out, but one...

Spending a night with FWB ain’t a good enough reason for you to risk your back. Like, you have a hole into your spine still. Don’t mess with that. Good...

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Stacyf-83 − NTA. I’ve had 4 back surgeries, 3 of them laminectomies/discectomies. I can tell you that you need to wait a full 6 weeks before you bend, twist, or...

It takes 6 weeks for scar tissue to form. If you do any of that too soon, you risk re-herniation. It is not worth the risk, trust me. I ended...

GlobalTraveler65 − No. As someone who had that surgery and got talked into helping my mother with something, I had to have the surgery again. Pls stay home. Rest for...

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This group argues the ex should take responsibility for finding alternative childcare instead of pressuring him.

DesperateToNotDream − Unfortunately yeah she needs to fork out $40 for a babysitter for a few hours. Go get laid and come straight back home.

Straysmom − NTA. You are literally not able to care for a young child because of your surgery. Your ex is going to have to find another babysitter.

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[Reddit User] − F**k around with those post op instructions and find out you’re paralysed my dude. Not worth the risk to your health, wellbeing, and future so she can...

Some users bring humor to ease the tension, while still supporting the father.

The-GOP-makes-me-GAG − If you are on pain meds (and even if you aren’t, lie), then you are not capable to be responsible for the kids.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, and I hope you heal well and fast. Don’t take any risks. also, this is a weird situation you guys have. What do you need to...

These comments offer constructive suggestions for improving the co-parenting dynamic.

Big_lt − NTA However wtf man, she doesn’t ALLOW you to see your kids at your place. What does your court order say for custody. If you don’t have one...

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firefannie − I’m sorry for your surgery, good luck with your recovery! Right now you absolutely need to focus your energy and time on your healing and recovery.

You can’t take care of your kids while you’re recovering from surgery, you have to focus on taking care of yourself. But you are responsible for your kids 1 Saturday...

You should hire a babysitter or beg a family member of yours to come help you. Since this is a really big deal, I hope a friend or family member...

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I am assuming you are trying to be a good father and have a good relationship with your kids, and are just figuring out how to co-parent. Please get your...

As a father of young children you’re responsible for providing them a safe home. Prepare your living situation so you can have the best and most stable and reliable relationship...

We’re all rooting for you to recover and heal from surgery, be happy and healthy, and have a great long term relationship with your kids! Good luck!

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laserkatze − It depends on how your agreement of child care is. You didn’t specify the country, so I guess it’s the US, and I don’t know how custody is...

So… If she is the sole care taker and you have no legal responsibility for your kids (would be sad for the little ones) and just come when you want,...

If it’s an agreement that you come and care for the kids on saturdays and you have responsibility on saturdays, you‘d be the one who should be providing the baby...

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The online reactions show strong support for the father, emphasizing health over risky obligations. Still, some remind him to clarify custody terms for smoother co-parenting.

This story underscores the need to weigh personal health against family duties carefully. Open communication and clear agreements are vital to avoid conflicts in co-parenting.

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Should the father push for a revised co-parenting plan that better suits his recovery needs? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts below!

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