My ex wants me to tell his family to stop sending gifts to our daughter?

A single mom faced a tough demand from her ex: tell his family to stop sending gifts to their 5-year-old daughter. After a mostly amicable year of co-parenting, tension flared when he spotted a bracelet from his mom on their daughter. He insisted she cut off the gifts, claiming they undermine his strained relationship with his family.

She refused, believing her daughter deserves the love and connection the gifts represent. Now, he’s doubling down, leaving her wondering if she’s in the right. This story dives into the messy intersection of co-parenting, family ties, and a child’s well-being.

‘My ex wants me to tell his family to stop sending gifts to our daughter?’

It started with a smooth co-parenting arrangement post-breakup:

My ex 30m and myself 30f were together for 6 years. We broke up about a year ago and have been co parenting our 5 year old daughter pretty amicably...

Her ex’s relationship with his family has long been rocky:

My ex has never had a good relationship with his family, and their relationship went up in smoke a few years ago when they had a fight with my ex.

His family still sends gifts to their daughter, and she responds politely:

I have not actively kept a close relationship with them, however they always send gifts to our daughter on her birthday and Christmas. I always reach out and thank them...

Tensions rose when he noticed a gift from his mom:

Yesterday my ex noticed a bracelet our daughter was wearing, and I told him it was a gift from his mother. He was upset but didn't say anything else about...

He demanded she tell his family to stop sending gifts:

ADVERTISEMENT

Later that afternoon he messaged me saying I needed to tell his family to stop sending gifts because "It gives them zero reason to talk to me".

She refused, prioritizing her daughter’s well-being:

I thought long and hard before I responded to him but at the end of the day I said no. I would not be telling them to stop. In my...

ADVERTISEMENT

And telling them to stop could make it harder in the long run for my ex and his family to reconcile their relationship.

She empathizes with his pain but stands firm:

I do understand his feelings, I do understand that he is hurt that his family isn't speaking to him. However that has nothing to do with me or our daughter...

ADVERTISEMENT

He keeps pushing, making her question her stance:

He is still asking me to tell them to stop, but I feel like I am right in this situation and he is letting his resentment and issues cloud his...

She clarified key details about the situation:

ADVERTISEMENT

Hi everyone! It's come to my attention I need to clarify some things. 1. He was not abused as a child, he had a very average middle-class upbringing. He was...

I once asked him "what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you" his response was "when my family moved states before I started high school". He still had friends,...

2. We lived with his family for 9 months when our daughter was just over a year old and they were wonderful grandparents. They care for our daughter, and they...

ADVERTISEMENT

3. I have never taken my daughter to see them without his knowledge, and it's been over a year since she's seen them. So I am not going behind his...

Update: His mom reached out, grateful for her stance:

UPDATE 2- Big update guys. His mom reached out to me. Apparently my ex did message her and told her to stop. I don't know exactly what was said but...

ADVERTISEMENT

Having all of these comments and support helped me articulate that I did not feel the way he did. And as long as their relationship remained healthy that I would...

This story highlights a common co-parenting challenge: balancing a parent’s emotions with a child’s best interests. The mom was right to refuse her ex’s demand, prioritizing her daughter’s access to love and connection from her grandparents. These gifts aren’t just material—they represent a familial bond that could be meaningful for the girl’s future.

Dr. John Gottman notes, “Maintaining healthy relationships with extended family, like grandparents, can provide emotional benefits for children, especially in divorced families” (Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child). With no evidence of harm from the grandparents—who were loving and supportive during the family’s time living together—cutting them off would likely hurt the daughter and reduce chances of reconciliation between the ex and his family.

ADVERTISEMENT

The ex’s demand stems from personal pain over his estrangement, but using his daughter to punish his family is unfair. He should address his issues directly with them instead of asking the mom to play the “bad guy.” His mom’s outreach, and her gratitude, reinforces the mom’s stance that maintaining this connection is beneficial.

Advice for the mom: Keep clear boundaries with your ex, using co-parenting apps for smoother communication. Maintain polite contact with his family, ensuring your daughter can connect with them if she wishes. If your ex keeps pushing, gently remind him this is his issue to resolve with his family, not yours.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Social media erupted with support for the mom and criticism of the ex’s selfishness. Here’s a roundup of key comments, grouped by theme.

ADVERTISEMENT

Many supported the daughter’s right to a relationship with her grandparents:

MariettaDaws − His relationship, his business It sounds like you're on polite terms with them. Unless there's a reason why you think they shouldn't be around your child (like active...

Fickle_Toe1724 − You are not wrong. Your daughter should be able to have a relationship with her grandparents. His problem with his family is on him to deal with. When...

ADVERTISEMENT

SamiHami24 − You are not wrong. His family's relationship with your daughter is separate from their relationship with him. He needs to manage his family issues directly rather than expecting...

Some called out the ex for being selfish:

bunnypt2022 − he looks like he is selfish. why cut the connection between the kid and her grandparents? they care for her. he needs to stop being selfish and act...

ADVERTISEMENT

WyomingVet − NTA your ex sounds very self-centered. why drag the daughter into it. especially when she starts asking questions that will cause her to resent her father.

kingcurtist37 − Your ex is wanting to use your daughter as a way punish his family. That is as clear as the day is long. It’s a shame because it...

If you were still married and depending on the nature of the argument between them, I may think differently. I also assume if the estrangement was due to something truly...

ADVERTISEMENT

But you live separate lives now, you do not owe your ex the solidarity that a wife does and with the circumstances, it does fall on you to keep that...

Others emphasized that this is the ex’s issue to handle:

ADVERTISEMENT

lapsteelguitar − His family, his problem. Not yours. Though, frankly, I am struggling to see the “problem. ” His family cares about his daughter, and he doesn’t like that? NTA.

cathline − His family - his decision - his discussion. PERIOD He wants YOU to be the bad guy and tell his parents not to send anything to their granddaughter.

HE can tell his parents not to send anything to their granddaughter. If they are good to your daughter, then why should she cut off contact with them? Some people...

ADVERTISEMENT

zanne54 − You're not his secretary.

This story underscores the complexities of co-parenting when personal grievances clash with a child’s needs. The mom was right to prioritize her daughter’s connection to her grandparents over her ex’s resentment. Should she stand firm or try to appease him for peace? What’s your take? Share your thoughts below!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *