AIW for wanting to skip a baby shower?

A third family event invitation in one year left a 48-year-old aunt questioning her patience. She attended her niece’s wedding shower and wedding, giving generous gifts, yet received no thank-you. Beyond that, the niece’s continuous demands for gifts at a baby shower, complete with a raffle for diapers, sparked frustration.

This story dives into family dynamics and social expectations. The aunt feels pressure to keep the peace, but her irritation grows. Is she wrong for wanting to skip the baby shower? Let’s unpack her story and see what the online community thinks.

‘AIW for wanting to skip a baby shower?’

Family gatherings started out joyful but left a bitter taste.

My (F48) niece (F late 20’s) had a wedding shower at the start of the year. Attended with my daughter and brought a reasonably pricy gift. No thank you ever...

Before people say we are cheap, it was a sunset wedding and the reception only had drinks and SNACKS. We grabbed dinner on the way home. No thank you has...

Another event invite stirred mixed feelings.

We have now been invited to the third event for our niece this year…a baby shower. Our niece has always been a princess and it appears she wants all kinds...

The aunt questioned her own reaction.

Am I wrong for feeling put out at this point? My husband says we have to be nice and keep the peace, but I’m pissed off. I learned early on...

What I want to do is ask if she received the money we gave them for their wedding, as $300 is not insignificant for us. I’m just looking for opinions....

A missing thank-you can sting, and this story shows why. The aunt feels unappreciated after giving generously, and the niece’s baby shower demands amplify that hurt.

ADVERTISEMENT

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Small acts like expressing gratitude can strengthen relationships, while indifference can cause deep hurt” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). The aunt isn’t just seeking a thank-you; she wants her effort acknowledged.

On the flip side, the niece’s mother claims thank-you notes are outdated, highlighting a generational gap. Some younger folks might opt for quick texts, but that doesn’t diminish the value of direct gratitude. Society still cherishes courtesy, especially for milestone events.

The aunt could gently share her feelings, saying something like, “We loved celebrating with you, but a thank-you would mean a lot.” If the dynamic doesn’t improve, she’s within her rights to step back from future events to protect her peace.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The online community had plenty to say, from firm support to witty jabs.

Most agreed the aunt’s frustration is valid, emphasizing that $300 is generous for a low-key wedding.

jjj68548 − Thank you cards are still a thing. I sent them after my shower, wedding and baby shower which were all in a one year time frame as well.

ADVERTISEMENT

Signal_Violinist_995 − Our daughter just got married last week. All of her thank you notes have already been written and mailed out. I have given wedding gifts and have always...

minilovemuffin − I'm sorry if nobody agrees, $300 is a very generous gift. Yes, thank you notes are "still a thing". Apparently manners are not. You are not wrong.

No_Pianist_3006 − The cost of postage for a thank you note is $0.66 in the USA. If a young couple has received money and gifts, the cost of a stamp...

ADVERTISEMENT

Some offered cheeky suggestions to nudge the niece toward courtesy.

hammond66 − Send her a baby rattle and a box of thank you notes!

katecrime − For all the folks who say that thank-you notes are “old-fashioned”… What do you call *bridal showers*, ***weddings***, and *baby showers*? Pretty old-fashioned rituals, if you ask me…

ADVERTISEMENT

One commenter suggested the aunt might be overreacting, pointing to differing priorities.

internethussy − Not wrong, but I think you might be making too big a deal out of the thank you notes. Thank you notes are lovely, but I think expecting...

People have other stuff going on we don't always realize, and sometimes thank you notes might not be a priority for reasons we don't know about. Obviously, this niece's mother...

ADVERTISEMENT

So, why do you think your niece would prioritize them if her own mother doesn't? There are always going to be people who don't place the same value in thank...

and one of the things that makes me want to give gifts to people is if I feel like we both have the same level of investment in the relationship....

The ones I usually go all out for are the ones who show up for me in ways which demonstrate a higher level of investment (sometimes they give me more...

ADVERTISEMENT

Sometimes it's because they've shown appreciation for a gift in the past (sometimes a thank you note, sometimes just showing they loved it). Sometimes it's because they're going through some...

and I want them to know I care (making a care package for a friend going through Chemo, buying my BFF's husband the treats he likes because his dad died...

You're not obligated to go, and you're not obligated to give a gift. But be aware that the relationship might be strained by you not giving a gift, just like...

ADVERTISEMENT

I'd probably re-examine the relationship with the niece/her mom to see if the thank you notes thing is more of a symptom of a larger imbalance you feel in the...

then rather than holding resentment, you might be better served to just pull back your support of them and match their energy a little more. ​ BTW, I don't think...

Others urged a practical approach, noting non-attendance could strain family ties.

ADVERTISEMENT

Francie1966 − Not wrong. Your niece is a rude, spoiled brat. Don't attend; don't send a gift.

Kampfzwerg0 − It took me months to send out the thank you notes for my wedding. But when you are close she could have at least text or call you.

seaturtle541 − You are not wrong. A thank you for a gift received is a common courtesy. Your niece wasn’t taught common courtesy. If you don’t go it’s will probably...

ADVERTISEMENT

The aunt’s story highlights a common clash: differing expectations around courtesy across generations. The niece may not mean to offend, but her silence speaks volumes, leaving the aunt feeling undervalued. The online community offered support, humor, and a few reality checks, suggesting open communication could clear the air.

What do you think about thank-you notes in today’s world? If you were the aunt, would you attend the baby shower or politely decline? Share your thoughts!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *