AITA for telling my mom I can’t wait to leave her without any of her kids since she can’t stop using me as a pawn?

Family secrets can leave deep scars, especially for a child caught in the fallout. A 17-year-old girl shared on Reddit how her mom’s affair led to her birth, and years of manipulation followed, with her mom pushing her ex-husband’s family to accept her as their own.

Facing rejection and used as a tool to shame others, she’s now done, telling her mom she can’t wait to leave—like her half-siblings did. Her mom’s furious, claiming she’s all the girl has. Is she wrong to want out? Let’s unpack her story with expert insights and Reddit’s take.

‘AITA for telling my mom I can’t wait to leave her without any of her kids since she can’t stop using me as a pawn?’

OP shared the painful context of her birth and upbringing:

Her mom’s manipulation shaped her childhood:

Her name became a tool for deception:

The rejection and public arguments took a toll:

Her mom’s persistence and loneliness fueled the conflict:

This young woman’s story lays bare the emotional toll of being used as a pawn in her mother’s manipulations. Born from an affair, she’s faced rejection from her half-siblings and her mom’s ex-husband’s family, compounded by her mom’s relentless attempts to force connections through deceit, including her name and false claims about her paternity. Her outburst—saying she can’t wait to leave—reflects years of hurt and a desperate need for autonomy.

Dr. Lindsay Gibson, an expert on emotionally immature parents, notes, “Children of manipulative parents often feel like props in their parent’s narrative, leading to resentment and a drive for independence” (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, 2015). The mom’s actions—lying about OP’s father, dragging her to confrontations, and using her to guilt others—prioritized her own agenda over OP’s emotional well-being. Her claim that she’s “all OP has” is a guilt tactic, not a truth, as it dismisses OP’s right to build her own life.

From the mom’s perspective, her loneliness and loss of her other children may drive her clinginess, but it doesn’t justify manipulating OP. Most would agree that a parent should prioritize their child’s emotional safety, not use them as a tool for validation. OP’s desire to cut ties is a healthy boundary, not a betrayal.

OP should focus on her exit plan as she nears 18, exploring options like college, a job with housing, or staying with trusted friends. A DNA test, as Reddit suggests, could help uncover her biological father’s identity, offering closure or new connections. Therapy, possibly through low-cost clinics like FQHCs, could help her process the rejection and build confidence. For now, she should limit engagement with her mom, calmly stating, “I need space to focus on my future,” and start gathering documents for independence.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit unanimously supported OP, condemning her mom’s toxic behavior and urging her to prioritize her freedom and healing.

Many encouraged cutting contact and building a new life:

Several suggested a DNA test to find her biological father:

Others highlighted the mom’s selfishness:

Some offered practical advice for independence:

One shared a personal perspective:

This teen’s raw honesty reveals the pain of being a pawn in her mom’s manipulative schemes. Her desire to break free is justified, as her mom’s lies and guilt trips have overshadowed her childhood.

Reddit cheers her on, urging independence and healing through therapy or a DNA test. Should she cut contact at 18 or try to set boundaries now? What’s your take? Drop your thoughts below!