AITA for not going to “save” her?

This post details an incident where the poster canceled a planned outing due to illness and a broken wrist, only for his date to end up in a risky situation by walking alone in the rain with a nearly dead phone.

Despite his genuine reasons for staying home, she appears to have manipulated the situation to get him to “save” her, and now she’s upset that he didn’t come to pick her up. This raises the question: is he the asshole for not putting himself at further risk for someone who repeatedly makes questionable decisions?

‘AITA for not going to “save” her?’

Dr. Emily Rivera, a psychologist specializing in boundary-setting and self-care, explains, “In any relationship, it’s essential to balance empathy with self-protection. When one person consistently relies on another to rescue them, especially in potentially dangerous or stressful situations, it places an unfair burden on the helper.”

Dr. Rivera adds that while it’s natural to want to support a partner in distress, the OP’s decision here is entirely understandable. “Considering the circumstances—traveling in the dark, adverse weather conditions, and the OP’s recent injury—choosing to prioritize one’s own safety is a healthy boundary. It is important for both parties to develop independent strategies for self-care.

If someone is repeatedly placing themselves in risky situations, it’s a red flag that they need to learn to manage their own safety, rather than expecting constant intervention from others.” She concludes by emphasizing that both individuals should work together on communication and setting realistic expectations, rather than one person bearing all the responsibility.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users are largely in agreement that the poster’s decision was justified. Many commenters emphasize that his physical state (illness and a broken wrist) made it unwise to drive 45 minutes in the dark and rain. Several responses point out that his date’s behavior was reckless and manipulative, highlighting major red flags about her decision-making.

The consensus is that if she truly felt unsafe, she should have taken safer alternatives like calling for a ride or seeking help from local authorities, rather than expecting him to risk his well-being. In short, most of the community believes he is not the asshole for choosing his own safety over her imprudent demands.

This incident raises important questions about the boundaries in relationships, particularly when one partner repeatedly makes risky or manipulative choices. Is it fair to expect someone to jeopardize their health and safety for a partner who consistently makes poor decisions?

How do you establish and maintain healthy boundaries when dealing with manipulative behavior? Have any of you experienced similar situations where your concern for someone’s safety was met with unreasonable expectations? Share your thoughts and experiences on how best to balance care with self-preservation in relationships.