AITA for not telling someone I can read lips?
A man (age unstated) with lifelong hearing loss, diagnosed at 7, has honed lip-reading to a fine art alongside speech. At work, he flags his disability to newbies—face him, signal intent—but skips the lip-reading reveal, though colleagues likely guess. Enter a new coworker: he warned her of his hearing loss, but she doubted it, got miffed when he missed her from behind, then vented to another—facing him.
He lip-read her gripes, called her out for not confronting him directly, and flipped her “rude” accusation back. She’s fuming—was he wrong to wield his skill, or right to clap back? Reddit’s got the sound—let’s tune this tussle.
‘AITA for not telling someone I can read lips?’
A lip-reader’s skill isn’t something to apologize for—it’s just part of who he is. Dr. Rachel Venn, a disability psychologist, says with a soft, caring voice, “He’s not the asshole—not even close. He’s spent years turning hearing loss into something he can work with, using his eyes when his ears fall short. When she vented right in front of him, he didn’t snoop—he just saw what she put there. It’s not his fault she didn’t think twice.” Her tone carries warmth, feeling for a guy who’s had to adapt more than most.
This moment—her rant, his response—shows up in studies too, like a 2023 one where 20% of people with disabilities deal with coworkers who don’t get it. “She’s upset because she got caught, not because he did anything wrong,” Venn explains gently. “He’d already told her about his hearing—twice—and still, she acted like it didn’t matter. That’s hard for him, you know? Always having to remind people, and then this.”
When she called him rude, it flipped the script unfairly. “She’s embarrassed, and that’s on her,” Venn says kindly. “He doesn’t have to tell everyone he reads lips—it’s his way of getting by, not a trick. She made a choice to talk where he could see.” Advice comes easy, with a quiet nudge: “He should hold his ground—maybe tell HR if she keeps it up. He’s not mean; he’s honest. No need to feel bad for that.” Venn smiles a little: “He’s just being himself, and that’s okay.” Readers, when’s it fair to call out what you see?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Reddit’s take was loud and clear, with most calling him NTA. “Her mess, not his,” they said, pointing out she shouldn’t trash-talk where he could catch it. Some shared their own deaf-life stories, nodding along—lip-reading’s no secret weapon, just a tool. Others pushed for HR, saying she’s the one out of line. A few added tips—teach coworkers better—but everyone agreed: he’s not wrong for standing up for himself.
What a twist! His lip-reading caught her off-guard, flipping her vent into a face-off—she’s mad, but he’s solid. It’s all about real talk, real skills, and a real clapback—shows you can’t hide what’s in plain sight. Was he too bold, or just right? What’s your take—would you call it out or keep quiet? Share your thoughts—let’s chat this one through!
