AITA for declining to invite a woman who has called herself ‘a total klepto’ into my home?

Relocating to a new city can be challenging, especially when trying to forge genuine friendships in a sea of endless botox parties and boozy brunches. When you finally find a close-knit group through a Women’s Social Club—one that shares your love for reading, crafts, baking, and even skywatching—you naturally start to bond. But sometimes, even in the best groups, you encounter individuals whose self-proclaimed quirks push your boundaries.

One such case involves a member, let’s call her Andrea, who frequently describes herself as “a total klepto.” To some, this might sound like harmless banter; to others, it raises red flags about trust and respect. When Andrea learned about a small, intimate gathering at my home, I had to decide whether her presence would jeopardize the safety of my personal space. Ultimately, I declined to invite her—a decision that has sparked more debate than I ever anticipated.

‘AITA for declining to invite a woman who has called herself ‘a total klepto’ into my home?’

Setting boundaries is crucial in all relationships, whether casual or deep. In my experience, when someone openly brands themselves with a behavior that can potentially harm your sense of security—like bragging about kleptomania—it’s perfectly reasonable to reconsider their inclusion in your personal space. Many relationship experts emphasize that boundaries are not about exclusion for the sake of judgment, but about preserving one’s peace of mind and personal property.

As Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and boundaries, states, “Daring to set boundaries is an act of self-care; it’s how we protect ourselves and foster trust in our relationships.” This wisdom is especially relevant here. When Andrea casually boasts about her kleptomania, it signals a disregard for the kind of trust and respect that is foundational to sharing your home and personal life. It’s not about judging her as a person; it’s about being cautious when her actions—or her words—might lead to a breach of trust.

Boundaries serve as guidelines that help us navigate relationships safely. When those boundaries are violated, it can result in feelings of insecurity and betrayal. In this situation, I felt that inviting someone who openly flaunts a tendency to take things could jeopardize the comfortable and secure atmosphere I’ve worked hard to create in my home. While Andrea might argue that her behavior is either a joke or a harmless quirk, it ultimately conflicts with my need to feel secure and respected in my personal space.

Moreover, the reaction from the group has been mixed, with some defending her and others applauding my decision. This polarization highlights the subjective nature of personal boundaries. What might seem like harmless fun to one person could be a serious red flag to another.

Setting boundaries isn’t about being a “mean girl” or discriminatory; it’s about understanding and respecting your own limits. In any relationship, it’s vital to communicate those limits clearly and to expect that others honor them, regardless of whether they agree with your perspective.

When people cross these boundaries, it can lead to significant friction, as we’ve seen in the fallout from this incident. While it’s important to remain open-minded and empathetic, it’s equally critical to prioritize your comfort and safety. After all, a home should be a sanctuary—a place where you feel secure. In this case, my decision to not invite Andrea was a reflection of that self-care, not an act of judgment or exclusion.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—frank, humorous, and supportive. Responses ranged from outright endorsement of my decision to cautionary advice about taking things too literally.

Many voices echoed the sentiment that personal boundaries should always be respected, with comments noting that if someone prides themselves on being a kleptomaniac, it’s only natural to be wary. While a few defended her playful remarks, the consensus seemed clear: safeguarding your home and peace of mind is paramount.

At the end of the day, setting boundaries isn’t about casting judgment—it’s about self-respect and protecting what matters most to you. While not everyone may understand my stance on inviting someone who openly boasts about kleptomania, it’s a decision I stand by. What are your thoughts? Do you believe personal quirks should be taken at face value, or is it justified to set limits when trust is at stake? Share your experiences and join the conversation—your insights might just help someone else navigate similar tricky dynamics.