AITA for blaming my family for my stalker finding and SAing me?

Imagine building a new life with your loving husband, only for a nightmare from your past to shatter it. For this 26-year-old woman, a fresh start after escaping an abusive ex was marred when her mother’s public Facebook posts revealed her new home’s location. Despite her pleas for privacy, the posts led her stalker ex to her doorstep, resulting in a horrific assault that left her with a dislocated jaw, fractured femur, and deep emotional scars. Now, as she grapples with trauma, her family denies responsibility, leaving her questioning: is she wrong to blame them?

This isn’t just about a social media post; it’s a heart-wrenching story of betrayal, survival, and the cost of ignored boundaries. Readers will feel the weight of OP’s pain and the sting of her family’s dismissal. Was she unfair to point fingers, or is her anger a cry for accountability? Let’s dive into this raw Reddit tale with compassion and clarity.

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‘AITA for blaming my family for my stalker finding and SAing me?’

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This story is a gut-wrenching reminder of how digital footprints can endanger survivors. OP’s mother’s decision to post photos, despite explicit instructions, directly contributed to her ex locating her. As Dr. Laura Brown, a trauma psychologist, notes, “For survivors of abuse, safety hinges on control over personal information—any breach can be catastrophic.” The assault’s brutality—physical and sexual, with lasting injuries—amplifies the betrayal of her mother’s actions.

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The broader issue is the intersection of family dynamics and online privacy. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 20% of stalking cases involve information gleaned from social media, often shared unwittingly by family or friends. OP’s family’s refusal to accept responsibility dismisses her trauma, risking further harm. Her self-blame, echoing her ex’s cruel words, is a common trauma response, as Dr. Brown explains: “Abusers manipulate victims into internalizing guilt, which families can unwittingly reinforce.”

Dr. Brown advises, “Survivors need validation and strict boundaries with unsafe family members.” OP’s therapy is a vital step, but she may benefit from resources like RAINN for survivor support or The National Domestic Violence Hotline for safety planning. Cutting contact with her mother, at least temporarily, could protect her healing. Her family must learn from experts, like those at Stalking Resource Center, to grasp their role and prevent future harm.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit rallied around OP like a protective circle, offering support with fierce conviction. Here’s the unfiltered take from the community:

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These Redditors affirmed OP’s right to blame her mother, slamming her family’s lack of accountability and urging OP to prioritize her safety. Some suggested cutting ties, while others highlighted how social media enabled the stalker. But do these passionate takes fully address the complexity of family betrayal, or are they just fueling her resolve?

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This tale is a raw wound—OP’s fight for safety was shattered by her mother’s reckless post, and her family’s denial adds salt to the injury. Reddit and experts agree: her mother’s actions enabled the stalker, and OP’s anger is justified. Her healing, supported by her husband and therapy, must come first, even if it means distancing from family. How would you handle a loved one’s betrayal that led to harm? Share your thoughts below, with sensitivity to survivors’ experiences.

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4 Comments

  1. NTA. Move again but tell no one where it is and do not give your mother any photos. If you are cutting your family off completely I would also change your name. Your family said he was going to find you anyway, so what, she didn’t have to make it so easy for him. She is 100% to blame as before she did this he hadn’t found you. What if he had killed you? You might not be so lucky next time. And as for “you moved on too quick and too loud, WTF, it’s none of his f***ing business what you do with your life or when. He needs to get it into his thick head or someone will beat it into him at some point as Karmas a bitch.

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  3. NTA. Your family not only refused to see your side of your mother’s betrayal, they are defending her after you were assaulted. I suggest cutting all toes with them. Your best interests are not important to them. I truly hope you and your husband work through this trauma. He sounds like a supportive partner.

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  5. “They” are not fight. You removed yourself from the situation. You took as much of your information off of social media as possible. Your mother knew the situation and posted online anyway. She should be held as criminally responsible as your attacker (though I don’t think that is possible). Cut off ALL contact with your mother. If you have someone in your family you CAN TRUST, make them the only one who has your contact information. If you find out that your ex is unleashed on society again, SERIOUSLY consider finding a means of self defense. If you are legally able to obtain a firearm and learn to use it, that would not be a bad idea. If you can, maybe try to see a trauma counselor. Best of luck.

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  7. Yes your mother outted your location. She’s a dumb cunt. Others who think you are over reacting and trying to blame her are also dumb cunts.

    Don’t let them in your head. Cut them off. As for exbf he gets to have bfs in his new digs.

    You did nothing wrong. Get some security. Protect yourself. Whatever exbf said is bullshit.