AITA for calling off the engagement after my fiance kept saying I will “give him a baby” once we’re married?

In every relationship, communication is key—but what happens when repeated words cross the line from playful banter into disrespect? This post highlights a turning point for one woman who felt reduced to a mere means to an end.

When her fiancé casually insisted that she would “give him a baby” once married, her discomfort slowly evolved into a profound realization about how she was being perceived. What initially might have sounded like excitement for starting a family quickly turned into a red flag that could not be ignored.

The subtle cues, the rolling of eyes, and his dismissive “It’s not that deep, that’s just how it works” left her feeling undervalued and objectified. Her decision to call off the engagement was not made on a whim—it was a response to feeling pressured into an unwanted role. Let’s take a deeper look at her story and the broader implications it carries for relationships and respect.

‘AITA for calling off the engagement after my fiance kept saying I will “give him a baby” once we’re married?’

“Letting your partner dismiss your expressed feelings can be a sign of deeper issues in the relationship,” explains Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist and author on relationships. In situations like these, the repeated dismissal of your concerns may indicate that your partner sees your role in the relationship in a very transactional light. When someone makes light of serious concerns—even after being told they are hurtful—it often reflects an underlying imbalance in respect and empathy.

In this case, the fiancé’s repeated remarks, despite clear communication of discomfort, demonstrate a concerning pattern. The partner not only ignored the discomfort but also trivialized the feelings involved by reducing them to “just words.” Such behavior suggests a failure to engage with the emotional needs of the other person.

Dr. Lerner often emphasizes that mutual respect is the foundation of any successful relationship, and if one partner consistently dismisses valid concerns, it is a warning sign of potential future problems.

Moving further, it is important to understand the power dynamics at play. When one partner’s role is reduced to a mere function—such as “producing a baby”—it strips away the individual’s identity and agency. This form of objectification is particularly damaging because it ignores the deep emotional and psychological implications of starting a family together. By calling off the engagement, the individual in the post asserted her right to be seen as an equal partner, not merely as a vessel for procreation.

Furthermore, the involvement of his family, who dismissed her concerns and urged her to see it as a misunderstanding, only deepens the imbalance. In healthy relationships, external pressures should not override personal boundaries or dismiss genuine feelings of discomfort.

Instead, these moments should serve as opportunities for both partners to reflect and recalibrate their expectations. As Dr. Lerner points out, relationships thrive when both individuals are committed to addressing conflicts openly and respectfully, ensuring that every voice is heard and valued.

Lastly, it is essential to consider the long-term implications of remaining in a relationship where your concerns are consistently minimized. Relationships require ongoing negotiation and mutual understanding. If one partner is unwilling or unable to acknowledge and address these concerns, it sets a precedent for future issues that may be far more challenging to resolve. In this scenario, the decision to call off the engagement can be seen as a courageous stand for self-respect and equality.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community largely supports her decision. Many commenters point out that her fiancé’s language was not just a poor choice of words but an indication of a problematic mindset that treats her as a mere object. They applaud her for speaking up multiple times and ultimately calling off the engagement when her concerns were brushed aside. Some even warn that such behavior might only escalate over time, making it clear that his family’s attempts to minimize the issue are another red flag.

Ultimately, the decision to end an engagement is never easy, but when communication breaks down and one partner feels objectified, it’s a signal that deeper issues need addressing. Her gut reaction to her fiancé’s dismissive attitude and objectifying language was valid, highlighting the importance of equality and respect in any partnership. What are your thoughts on how language shapes relationships? Have you ever encountered a situation where a “joke” revealed a deeper problem? Share your experiences and let’s discuss.