AITAH for telling my mom that I shouldn’t have to be the “breadwinner” in a household of 6?

I live in a three-bedroom house with my mom, dad, and three younger siblings, and as a 19-year-old earning $17 an hour, I end up shouldering most of the household expenses, including rent and groceries. Despite my parents being capable of working, they choose not to contribute, leaving me feeling exploited and overwhelmed.

When I confronted my mom about not wanting to be the sole breadwinner, she dismissed my concerns by saying I could simply move out. Now, I’m questioning whether I’m wrong for setting this boundary and refusing to carry the financial burden alone.

‘AITAH for telling my mom that I shouldn’t have to be the “breadwinner” in a household of 6?’

Experts agree that setting clear boundaries in situations where one person is forced to bear an unfair financial burden is not only healthy but necessary for long-term well-being. Family therapist Dr. Melissa Carter explains that being placed in a role where you are expected to be the sole provider in a family setting can lead to significant emotional burnout and diminished self-worth.

She emphasizes that “when responsibilities are unevenly distributed, especially in a family that is supposed to provide support, the stress and resentment that accumulate can have lasting psychological impacts.” Economic psychologist Dr. Aaron Li adds that the dynamics of financial dependency are particularly damaging when capable adults opt not to work. “When parents choose not to contribute despite having the ability to do so, it creates an environment of exploitation,” he states.

This imbalance forces the working member to feel as though they are the only one holding the household together, which is neither fair nor sustainable. Dr. Li stresses that such financial pressure can stifle personal growth and independence, particularly for young adults striving to build their own futures. Relationship expert Dr. Karen Jensen further elaborates that the issue isn’t solely about money—it’s about mutual respect and shared responsibility.

“In healthy relationships, whether within a family or between partners, both sides should contribute to the household in some meaningful way. When one party consistently bears the financial and emotional load, it erodes the foundation of trust and respect,” she explains. Dr. Jensen advises that clear communication about expectations and responsibilities is crucial; if those expectations aren’t met, it’s entirely reasonable to reconsider the living arrangement.

Sociologist Dr. Priya Raman points out that societal and cultural pressures often force young adults into roles they never signed up for. “Many families still cling to outdated notions that children are responsible for the care of their parents, even when the parents are fully capable of supporting themselves,” Dr. Raman observes. This kind of dependency not only hinders the young adult’s ability to achieve independence but also perpetuates a cycle of resentment and stress that can affect their overall quality of life.

Finally, HR consultant Vanessa Moore stresses the importance of reclaiming control over one’s life. “When you continuously subsidize others, it not only devalues your own contributions but also sets a dangerous precedent where your time and energy are taken for granted,” she remarks.

Moore emphasizes that establishing firm boundaries isn’t about rejecting family ties—it’s about ensuring that you can maintain your own financial stability and emotional health. In summary, these expert opinions collectively reinforce that your decision to set boundaries and refuse to be the sole breadwinner is both justified and essential for your future well-being.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community is overwhelmingly supportive. Commenters stress that I’m not being ungrateful—rather, I’m being realistic. “NTA—you’re not a bank; you shouldn’t have to fund an entire household,” one user said. Others added that if my parents are unwilling to work or contribute, it’s unfair to leave me holding all the responsibilities.

Many suggest that if I’m truly unhappy, I should seriously consider moving out to reclaim my independence and financial stability. The consensus is clear: my feelings are valid, and my parents are the ones at fault.

In the end, I firmly stand by my decision to set boundaries and refuse to be the sole breadwinner in a household of six. While family obligations are important, they shouldn’t come at the cost of my financial stability or emotional well-being.

My parents are capable of contributing, yet they choose not to, and that imbalance is not something I have to accept. My response, though it may seem harsh, is a necessary assertion of my rights and a step towards a more equitable future. Am I really the a**hole for expecting fairness in my own home?