AITAH for not paying for my nephew to do the fun things I take my nieces to do?

I regularly take my nieces out for fun activities to bond with them, but I don’t do the same with my nephew because his mom doesn’t want me around him due to my troubled past. Recently, after my nephew learned about these outings and wanted to join in, his mom demanded that I give her money so they could fund similar trips on their own.

I explained that the outings are meant for quality bonding time, and while I’m willing to include him if she changes her mind, I’m not about to just hand over cash. Everyone—except my aunt—is pressuring me to give in to her demands.

‘AITAH for not paying for my nephew to do the fun things I take my nieces to do?’

Family dynamics often become complicated when past mistakes linger like shadows over present relationships. Dr. Amelia Rivera, a family therapist, explains, “When a family member’s history continues to define their present, it can create an environment where boundaries are either imposed or resented.

Your decision to use outings as quality bonding time with your nieces is not just about leisure—it’s about reclaiming agency and establishing a positive, affirming relationship with those who have consistently supported you.” Dr. Rivera notes that while your sister’s concerns might stem from unresolved issues related to your past, they shouldn’t override your right to nurture relationships with family members who cherish you.

Relationship expert Marcus Dunn adds, “It’s essential to recognize that your outings are not charity—they’re mutual, joyful experiences that help form lasting bonds. Expecting you to subsidize a different kind of relationship, especially when it’s accompanied by long-held grudges, is both unfair and unsustainable.” Furthermore, sociologist Dr. Nina Carter emphasizes that family obligations should never come with a “one-size-fits-all” expectation. “Every family is unique.

It’s completely valid to invest your time and resources where you feel appreciated and where positive connections flourish,” she explains. In this case, your nieces benefit from your presence in a way that your nephew—due to your sister’s restrictions—simply cannot. While your sister might argue that money could level the playing field, Dunn asserts, “Spending money cannot replace the invaluable gift of time and genuine connection.”

HR consultant Vanessa Moore also warns that enabling entitlement can create a dangerous precedent. “When one family member is pressured to compensate for relational gaps financially, it not only erodes personal boundaries but can lead to long-term resentment and further family divisions,” she says.

The compromise you offered—inviting your sister along if she’s concerned about safety—demonstrates a mature attempt to bridge the gap, but it also clearly states that your fun outings are your personal way to bond with your nieces. Ultimately, your decision is about preserving a positive environment for those who have shown you unconditional love, rather than catering to demands driven by past grudges.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s response has been overwhelmingly supportive. Comments like “The fun you share with your nieces is about quality time, not a bank transaction,” and “You’re not obligated to pay for their outings—your presence is what matters!” echo throughout the discussion.

Many users point out that your sister’s demand for money is rooted in her own unresolved issues, and that expecting you to cover a fun experience for someone who isn’t even allowed to be part of it is absurd. The consensus is clear: you’re not the a**hole for protecting the essence of your family bonding. Your generous offer to include your nephew if she ever reconsiders, on fair terms, underscores that your decision isn’t about withholding support but rather maintaining healthy boundaries.

In the end, I’m firmly NTA. My outings with my nieces are about creating cherished memories and nurturing bonds—not about serving as a bank or a babysitter for my sister’s obligations. While my sister’s demands are rooted in her own biases and unresolved issues, I’ve offered a fair compromise that respects both my emotional well-being and the integrity of my relationships. Family should be chosen based on love and mutual support, and I’m choosing to invest my time where it truly matters.