AITA for Denied bereavement to employee who lost 3-day old fetus.Well?

In the world of HR, balancing compassion with policy is never easy—especially when dealing with repeated, unusual requests. In this case, an HR manager recounts a controversial situation with one employee who has, according to her, taken advantage of bereavement leave. This employee claims to have lost a 3-day-old fetus—and shockingly, she has done so 13 times in 2024, racking up 13 weeks of bereavement PTO (in addition to vacation and personal time).

When questioned about the pattern, the employee coldly stated that she and her husband conceived again the night before her return to work. Now, after wrestling with how to update the company’s bereavement policy to require proper documentation, the HR manager has reached a breaking point and is determined to put her foot down.

‘AITA for Denied bereavement to employee who lost 3-day old fetus.Well?’

Dr. Karen Liu, a specialist in workplace ethics and human resource management, explains that while compassionate leave is critical for supporting employees through personal tragedies, it must also be balanced with accountability and fairness. “Bereavement leave policies are designed with empathy in mind,” she notes. “However, when an employee repeatedly uses these policies in a way that appears to exploit the system, it forces organizations to re-examine their guidelines to ensure equity for all staff.”

Dr. Liu emphasizes that it is not her place to question the legitimacy of personal loss, but organizations must protect themselves from abuse. “It’s important for companies to require appropriate documentation in cases of repeated leave, not to diminish the pain of loss, but to ensure that the leave is used in a manner that is sustainable for the business and fair to other employees,” she adds.

She also points out that this is a particularly complex situation because the losses reported by the employee are occurring at an extremely early stage of pregnancy—a point at which, medically, many might consider it simply the beginning of a menstrual cycle. “Without clear medical evidence, it’s difficult to differentiate between a miscarriage and a normal process,” Dr. Liu explains.

“That said, if an employee repeatedly claims the same kind of loss and takes extended leave, it’s reasonable for an employer to request documentation to ensure the policy is not being misused.” Dr. Liu concludes, “Organizations have a responsibility to support their employees, but they also have a duty to maintain consistent policies. In this case, a policy update that requires documentation can help balance compassion with fairness.”

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community’s reactions were mixed but leaned toward supporting the HR manager’s decision to tighten the policy. Many commenters expressed frustration, noting that repeatedly claiming a 3-day-old fetus loss to accumulate weeks of leave is highly unusual and appears to be taking advantage of the system. Some users insisted that no one should be allowed to misuse bereavement leave regardless of personal tragedy, emphasizing the need for proper documentation.

A few voices, however, cautioned that the situation might be more complex than it appears and questioned whether the employee’s repeated losses might have a legitimate medical basis. Overall, the consensus was that while empathy is crucial, policies must be enforced consistently to prevent potential abuse.

This case highlights the inherent tension between compassion and accountability in workplace leave policies. While the employee’s experiences are undoubtedly painful, the HR manager’s frustration with repeated, similar claims raises questions about how bereavement leave should be managed fairly. Is it reasonable for an employer to require additional documentation in such cases, or does that risk minimizing personal grief?

What do you think? Have you encountered situations in your workplace where policies had to be adjusted to balance empathy with fairness? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below, and let’s discuss how organizations can navigate these challenging dilemmas while supporting their employees.