AITA for telling my boyfriend he was ugly and disgusting to look at?

In a cozy apartment bathed in soft morning light, a 25-year-old woman stands before her mirror, her face glowing from a new skincare routine. She’s ditched the heavy makeup that once masked her insecurities, choosing instead to embrace her natural beauty—a bold move that’s boosted her confidence. But as she prepares for the day, her boyfriend’s sharp words cut through the calm, questioning her bare-faced choice. His relentless comments about her appearance have piled up, and yesterday, the tension boiled over into a heated exchange that left silence in its wake.

This story, shared on Reddit, captures a raw moment of frustration in a young couple’s relationship. It’s a tale of clashing values—one partner chasing self-love and health, the other clinging to criticism and unhealthy habits. Readers are drawn into the drama, wondering: was her sharp retort justified, or did it cross a line? The Reddit community’s lively debate sets the stage for a deeper look at confidence, respect, and relationship dynamics.

‘AITA for telling my boyfriend he was ugly and disgusting to look at?’

My (25f) boyfriend (27m) and I are dating for 8 months. When we started dating I was putting makeup on every day and I fell asleep sometimes with it still on my face, so my skin wasn't in the best state. I realized that I wasn't doing it for myself but for the others and that I was scared of going out without makeup.

I decided to slowly stop putting makeup on and appreciate my natural face. I started using skincare products and also started doing sport and eating healthy food which helped me feel confident. My boyfriend is a bit different, he has a more sedentary lifestyle and eats mostly fast food or highly processed foods. He's a bit overweight.

I try to get him to take walks with me or to cook for him but he always refuses. Recently he started doing comments on my appearance such as 'you looked prettier with makeup', 'you're letting yourself go', or suggesting that he could get any girl he wanted so that I should put more effort into pleasing him.

Yesterday I was getting ready for the day and he went behind me and asked if I was really going out like that. I asked him what he meant and he answered without makeup. Sick of hearing those comments, I snapped. I told him that he was ugly, always eating s**tty food, that he was disgusting to look at,

and that maybe I wasn't putting on makeup but that I was doing something fulfilling with my life which he was not. He looked shocked and went to another room without saying anything. Since I said this he's giving me a silent treatment and I'm wondering if I'm the AH for what I said. I asked my friends for their opinions and some thought that i was right but some thought i was too harsh on him. AITA ?

Relationships thrive on mutual respect, but this couple’s clash reveals a deeper rift. The woman’s shift to a healthier lifestyle and natural appearance reflects growing self-confidence, while her boyfriend’s criticism suggests insecurity. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Criticism is one of the ‘Four Horsemen’ that can erode relationships, especially when it targets a partner’s core identity” . Here, the boyfriend’s remarks attack her choice to embrace authenticity, creating a power imbalance.

The woman’s harsh retort, while understandable, escalates the conflict. Experts note that retaliatory insults often deepen divides. A 2022 study from Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 68% of couples facing frequent criticism report lower relationship satisfaction . The boyfriend’s comments may stem from feeling threatened by her growth, as Reddit user Electronic_Trick_13 suggests, highlighting his attempt to “knock her down.”

To navigate this, both partners need open communication. The woman could set boundaries, calmly stating how his words affect her, while inviting him to join her healthy habits. Couples counseling, as recommended by Psychology Today , can help address underlying insecurities. Both should focus on mutual support, not competition, to rebuild trust and respect in their relationship.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support, shade, and straight talk. From cheers for her confidence to calls for a breakup, the comments are a rollercoaster of wit and wisdom. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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Outrageous-Ad-9069 − ESH. You’ve only been dating for 8 months and apparently you’re no longer attracted to each other. And now you’re just being cruel to each other. I’d say this relationship has played itself out. Move on.

GiftRecent − ESH. Why are you dating??

[Reddit User] − INFO-It doesn't sound like you like each other. Why are you still dating?

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PurpleMarsAlien − ESH. This relationship is at an end. Break up with him and move on.

trash_panda011 − NTA- I really don’t think “makeup” is the problem in y’all’s relationship. You aren’t even 1 year into a relationship and he’s acting like this, it will only get worse from here. Get out while you still can. My ex boyfriend used to complain and scream at me every time I wore makeup because I was “trying to impress other men”. He’s manipulating you, get help and get out, I wish you the best!

cornflakesandteeth − ESH, y'all mean as hell. This is not healthy for either of you, stop it. Nothing is worth this sort of emotional poison, and you're both f**king guilty. Do yourselves a favor, and try hating each other from opposite corners, for a change: break the f**k up.

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Electronic_Trick_13 − My guess is watching you make positive changes in your life, as well as seeing your confidence grow, is starting to make him feel insecure. So, in order to ensure you remain the girl that fell in love with him *the way he is*, he's trying to knock you down.

If so, you've outgrown him. He can either support you or join you, what *he absolutely cannot do* is knock you down in any way, shape, or form.. NTA. Good on you for all the positive changes you've made for yourself! :)

SolutionLeading − ESH. He shouldn’t tell you how to get ready, and makeup isn’t required for beauty. You also were super insulting to him.

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Tanooki07 − ESH. You stooped to his level. His level was pretty low. But from the sounds of it you've outgrown this relationship.

milkywayrealestate − ESH, he deserved to be snapped at, but this sounds like an unhealthy relationship overall. If you meant any of what you said, why are you dating him?

These Redditors rallied behind her self-love journey but didn’t shy away from pointing out the relationship’s red flags. Some saw her snap as justified; others called it a low blow. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

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This story highlights the tension between personal growth and relationship expectations. Her journey to self-acceptance is inspiring, yet the boyfriend’s criticism reveals a lack of support that’s hard to ignore. While her sharp words may have stung, they reflect the frustration of feeling undervalued. The Reddit community’s mixed verdict—part applause, part caution—suggests this couple faces a crossroads. Can they bridge their differences, or is this a sign to part ways? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?

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