AITA for not paying for my dates meal?

Picture a cozy Mexican restaurant, the air thick with the scent of sizzling fajitas and the hum of lively chatter. A young woman, hopeful but cautious, sits across from her date, a friend who’s been buzzing with enthusiasm to take her out. The chips are crispy, the conversation flows, and all seems well—until the bill arrives, and her date drops a bombshell that flips the night upside down.

Caught off guard, she faces a choice: cover his tab or stand her ground. Her decision sparks a heated clash, leaving her to wonder if she was too harsh. Reddit’s buzzing with takes on this spicy debacle, pulling readers into a drama as zesty as the salsa on the table.

‘AITA for not paying for my dates meal?’

Okay, so this story took place a few years ago, but it's something that still crosses my mind occasionally. When I (20f) went on a date with my friend (22m), it didn't exactly go as planned. We had been speaking for about a week or so prior about going out to dinner somewhere.

It was his idea and he was fairly persistent. He was insanely interested in me and while I wasn't as interested in him, I figured I'd give it a shot. He had originally wanted to take me to a Steakhouse, which I was later glad we didn't. We ultimately settled on a local Mexican restaurant.

Dinner was going well and the conversation was flowing smoothly. We ordered our meals (nothing too expensive) and some cheese dip. The bill would have probably been around $30 or so. After we're finished eating, my friend comes out of complete left field with, 'so, I don't actually have any money, can you pay for the meal?'

To say I was shocked, was an understatement. This guy had been begging me to come to dinner with him for an entire week, almost picking out an incredibly expensive restaurant (The Steakhouse) knowing he had absolutely no way to pay for anything, not even his own meal.

I'll admit that I had enough money to cover both of the meals, however I told him I only had enough to cover my own. Had he of been upfront about me paying for the full meal before we ever went out, I would have been more than happy to. However I was blindsided.

I took the bill and explained to the restaurant manager that I was only paying for my portion and the cheese dip. He then began arguing with my friend about how he needed to pay for his meal. The manager obviously wasn't just going to allow my friend to leave, so I told him I needed to go.

He couldn't believe I wouldn't help him out and I ultimately unfriended him for putting me in such an awkward and embarrassing situation. Should I have just paid for his and called it a day? I've never been the type of person to just expect people to hand over money or pay for my things, so I don't expect it from others either.

Dinner dates shouldn’t come with surprise bills or bruised egos. This woman’s tale of being blindsided by her date’s empty wallet reveals a classic clash of expectations. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Honest communication about expectations builds trust, while assumptions erode it”. His insight highlights why this date went south.

Her date’s insistence on dining out, even pushing for a pricier steakhouse, clashed with his failure to mention he couldn’t pay. She felt ambushed, especially since she could’ve covered the bill but chose not to after his lack of transparency. His expectation that she’d foot the bill reflects a broader issue: unspoken assumptions in dating. A 2022 survey found 65% of singles expect clear communication about date expenses upfront.

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Dr. Gottman’s advice applies here: openness prevents resentment. She wasn’t wrong to pay only her share, but a quick chat about budgets before the date could’ve spared the drama.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit served up a platter of hot takes, with a sprinkle of humor to boot. Here’s what the community dished out:

Cadillac-Blood − NTA Interesting situation. I pondered if I should say 'everybody sucks here', because although he was an arsehole you did have the money and you could just unfriend him later for this inexplicably dickish move, but honestly...

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What the hell. To quote your own words: he has been begging you to dine with him for a long time, he almost picked an expensive restaurant, and he goes to dinner with no money?! Then he doesn’t tell you the situation beforehand and asks you to pay for his meal in the middle of dinner? The nerve. I think you taught him a good lesson.

RagaMuffinSun − I may get downvoted for this but to me NTA. You always bring enough money to cover yourself unless you specifically know your meal will be covered. The fact that he was tacky enough to pull this instead of telling you outright or ordering something he knew he could cover makes him the a**hole.

peanusbudder − NTA. the person who asks to hang out should expect to at LEAST pay for themselves, if not both people. if he wasn’t able to pay he could’ve just said “hey, i want to hang out, but i don’t have a lot of money right now” and planned a free date,

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or at the least he could’ve *asked* if you can cover it first. sure, you lied about not being able to pay his meal and left him at the restaurant, but he put you in an extremely uncomfortable position and it was really rude of him to just assume you’re going to be paying for everything.

Moojuice4 − NTA. He probably had plenty of money to pay. It's more likely that over the course of dinner he realized that you wouldn't be having s** with him and he attempted to not 'waste' the money. I've seen this mindset before.

ok_okay_I_get_that − NTA. Why do you think you would be? If he's got no money that's something that needs to be brought up well in advance. Not like he forgot his wallet accidentally

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PeanutButterGod − INFO: did he say why he didn’t have money at the time? And did he offer to pay you back later?

ravnson − NTA. What kind of person pushes hard to get a date when they can't even afford to cover their own part? Much less pushes for someplace expensive?

buttercream_bounce − NTA. i do not understand the sheer audacity of this m**herfucker. if i tried anything near to this i am quite sure i would have spontaneously combusted from the shame and horror of what i just tried to pull

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tangnapalm − NTA Nobody should ever expect anyone to pay for their meal on a date unless it's explicitly stated.

unintrestedunicorn − I once went on a date after a bar shift. I was tired but it was nice to get out and do something fun. My date went to get us drinks, I asked for a soft drink and gave him a $5 note which he took. He bought the drink but didn't give me back change I know it was such a small thing, and I'm not normally one to care about a couple dollars but it left a bad taste in my mouth.

These Reddit reactions are fiery, but do they cut through the awkwardness of real-life date dilemmas? Or are they just spicy sideline chatter?

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This date-night fiasco shows how fast a good vibe can sour over a simple bill. Her stand for fairness sparked debate, but it also begs the question: where’s the line between generosity and being taken advantage of? Have you ever been stuck in an awkward money moment on a date? Drop your stories below—let’s taco ‘bout it!

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